The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
No offense to the decent men here...but are most men pigs like my STBXAH??? I have mentioned how I found some disturbing things he posted on a disgusting website...well I looked at website again and figured out he has posted many many things under different names. I can tell it's him. Unbelievable. I don't feel like a hypocrite, because I come to MIP trying to help myself. I do not post intimate details about my sex life, say mean things about my family, etc. he is sicker than sick. My ex husband was into online porn. Both men I chose are untrustworthy. I have had children with these men who have just taken my vulnerability and crapped on it. He has tried to defend this crap in the past by saying it's just a way for him to relieve stress, it's satire, it's gallows humor. Blah blah blah.
I am just really pissed. Do most men just pretend like they're happily married but in reality they are just miserable??
I will always confess my part in this madness: I looked at the website again!! Just to keep convincing myself he is a sick man.
So should I be paranoid about the stuff I've posted here? It isn't nearly as revealing and damaging to him as what he has done to me. Ok, now i am wondering...should we all be worried that what we post could be used against us in a court of law or something!?? I am getting ready to serve him divorce papers...so I am starting to worry about everything.
Going to say serenity prayer a lot and pray to God for an understanding of what needs to be done and why I do the things I do.
-- Edited by Newlife girl on Tuesday 29th of July 2014 02:20:57 AM
-- Edited by Newlife girl on Tuesday 29th of July 2014 02:21:37 AM
I don't think it's about men. It's about alcoholism. A disease that effects the whole family. Everyone has symptoms. While your looking at and judging his symptoms your not working on your own. Working your own program. Meetings readings steps will help you separate yourself from his choices. They are his. What he thinks says does isn't really about you it's about his own disease. Your freedom from this may lie in why you feel the need to watch him.x
I hear you el-cee. I look at what he writes because it shows his poor lackof judgement and poor carachter, even when he isn't drinking. It's also a way for me to uncover lies he tells me. So then I know who I am really dealing with. But, yes I agree the focus should be on me.
I've learned that it isn't men or women or alcoholics or whatever that I should or shouldn't trust - its ME - I need to trust me and my judgment - which means I need to fix my judgment so that I can trust it. I remember scoffing at the things experts would tell you to look for in a man, scoff at the idea of making a list of must haves for a man to be in my life. Now I don't scoff - I participate in that philosophy. Funny how we take SO much time to choose the color of our walls or what kind of car to buy, but do we take the same care in choosing who is in our lives? I do now!
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
I totally agree. I know why I have chosen the wrong men. I have been examining this while doing my 4th step. Its still so disappointing when i find out stuff I had no clue about. It hurts.
Awareness, acceptance and guided action is a process. If I had known what I know today, I probably wouldn't have survived it on an emotional level. I just wasn't ready until I was ready. As Maya Angelou has said: "When we know better, we do better." It took me years to figure out my x was probably having affairs when we were married. Had I figured it out back then I might have been able to avoid a whole lot of stuff that I endured because I didn't have the knowledge then that I have now. The reality is, however, that I didn't know then what I know now and maybe that protected me in some ways from a greater hurt than I experienced? Or maybe my ignorance helped me go in the direction it was intended I should go to be of greater service than might have been possible with the knowledge my x was actually having affairs while we were married?
