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welllll one would thoink the heart racing and the dr saying its connected to drinkng 'so slow it down'(dumb statement)woukd maybe be wake up call. . nope. sooo that brings us to last nite. . i went with daughter and friends to drive ins. .figuring hubby would go do his thing. at midnight i get a call as the movie is finishinig. . he says " im home. .not my truck. long story".he proceeded to say long story short he drove to a place where some "friends" were drinking cuz one backed car into ditch and was going to help. you can imagine where this goes. . he goes to help. cops show up. . county and state. . question the ditch driver seperate from my ah. . asked him to agree to breath tests etc. .he said no. .im on private property have been here all nite and im not in road was just helping. . after some debate and him saying hed go nowhere unless sobered up or someone sober drives. . the cops didnt push it. SERIOUSLY,when we talked on phone he was pretty shook.up. by the time i got home. . he was clearly still under the onfluence and said. . i know this should be wake up call and even the cop who let me go said so. . but. . .and then he went on to BLAME THE COPS for being out of line bc they were all on private property. . UNBELIEVABLE. I just stayed quiet. i mean i cant believe it. . no, i can. . but man. . what will it take. . more update: confession of sorts, writing it out is simply step one . .soooo as you know my ah had a supposed "wake up call" that last week resulted in very little change. so tonight my husb calls to say hes at buddies, and is " only gonna have one or two . . . the state boys kinda put a scare in me" .but that said, that one or two beers with the guys is usually 8-10. so does he. . here comes the confession part. . i know i should want him to stop at one or two and come home. . but. .if he stops and comes home he may very well just drink here and i dont like him drinking here. . i have little escape. . more like no escape. so is it possible id rather he stay out half the night and risk drunk driving. . that just makes no sense but truth is. . i have a better shot at serenity with him not here. . sooooo, where does that leave me? how do i respond? how do i reconcile such mixed feelings. . good grief, there are just no easy answers with this disease. either way,i look fwd to your response. im not sure why ive been so uncommuincative . . .things are relatively ok i guess. ive been "sane". .i have bern isolating a bit for which im not sure the reason but i sorta feel ok. hmmm
-- Edited by Theoceancalls on Monday 28th of July 2014 10:05:37 PM
-- Edited by Theoceancalls on Monday 28th of July 2014 10:07:21 PM
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
Aloha Ocean...I kinda sorta hear some detachment in that post and that reminds me of my program journey also. When I started to get detachment down a bit I got full on encouragement from the fellowship to step it up and continue with more open mindedness which of course I did cause I wanted what they had. Pulling out and away from the drama of my alcoholic/addicts behaviors while expecting those behaviors was rocket science for me. She use to watch for my reactions and when they didn't come she was lost for what to do next. Good going Ocean...Keep coming back, (((((hugs)))))
