The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
(((M))) I'm listening to you and praying for you, too. This in between place is very difficult and came as a big shock to you. Be gentle with yourself. This, too, will pass.
Grateful you made me cry with your kind understanding. He is causing me so
Much pain and suffering. I feel like i am married to a monster. I know this too
Will pass when we are finally divorced but my heart and soul are ripping apart.
Most of our marriage i never questioned he loved me. He was a recovering a
And i came from a very disfunctional family. We had grown together had alot
Of fun but somewhere something went haywire in our marriage. Thank you
For the prayers i need them today.
People can do some really strange, strange things and still love us. That doesn't mean we can continue to live with them but their behavior doesn't always equal they don't love us. For all the nutty things I went through with my x, down deep I knew he loved he and he showed it a few years before he died and the weekend that he did die albeit long distance. My x and I were in each other's way in moving down the paths that were right for each of us. I didn't know that at the time, but I believe it now.
Right now, you feel so hurt. I did, too. But the future isn't here yet, Mirandac. No one knows what your HP has planned for you. Just keep sharing with us, taking care of you, and going to meetings and working the program. Using those tools will help so much. You will grow through this and it will become something that you won't feel anymore but you will remember it and you will use it to help others. We cannot see into the hearts and minds of other people, sister. Don't let the disease do a number on your head. Don't let it tell you something that may not even be true.
Thank you for your wisdom. You are right we both are good people but keep
Butting heads and arent good for each other. He is growing one way and i have
Grown totally different. I had heard when A's go into recovery most marriages
don't make It, unless there is trually lots of mutual love. We had some love but not enough to
surmount the start of his emotional recovery it was hell to live with him. The feelings
And rage he displayed were crazy and very abusive toward me. Things calmed down
But we were never the same. He emotionally checked out of the marriage to never really return.
I guess he examined his feelings for me and found them sadly lacking. So here i
Am getting ready to get divorced at the age of 57. I Never thought this would happen to us.
Mirandac I am sorry that you are experiencing this painful time in your life. Grieving is a difficult but an essential part in learning how to let go and move on.
I have this theory: If I knew everything that was going to happen in the future, I would have never gotten out of bed. Sometimes, these dark changes in our lives are to help us go in a direction that we would have never chosen on our own and that way is always better than the one we would have chosen on our own. I don't want to minimize any of what is happening right now in your life, Mirandac, because it is a crappy deal that has been handed to you. I don't know why some of us have more difficult lives than others, but it is true that some of us do. I also know that some of the tallest, most beautiful trees grow in rotted soil and lots of manure. You are strong. You are honest. You are deserving of a relationship that honors you. Abusive behavior on any level is not honoring of you. It took courage for you to say "NO MORE" to it. That is more loving than staying to take it and whatever else the disease would heap on you. You are a quality woman who has done her best. There was nothing more you could do. Rest and remember that you loved yourself and him enough to say "Enough" and mean it.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 21st of July 2014 09:24:41 PM
Thank you both for your wisdom. I will try to stand tall, i really
Need my higher power with me to help me through this. To give
Me the strength and fortitute i need.
Positive thoughts are being sent your way. It is usually one day at a time but many times it is one minute at a time. It is also a gut wrenching experience day in and day out. You will make it. Keep coming to this site, try to go to f2f meetings and read as much literature as you can. Take care of you.
