Facing it - Al-Anon Family Group

Hullibee · Senior Member

Facing it

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

(((HI)) I am so sorry for your pain and sadness. Alanon meetings do help to restore us to a new life .

I urge you to try our program.

There is hlep

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

I know the feeling my ah is now on a romantic aa spiritual retreat weekend
With his a girlfriend and another guy. I told him in no uncertain terms he is a married
Man and no he couldnt go. He moved out that night ,where he went i
Dont know. She has two teenagers, probably he is at aa friends. I told him i
Would not move from my home. I had seen divorce lawyer 2 years
Ago when he was helping another female a with sobriety.

Hullibee · Senior Member

Ya he says I'm not fun anymore. Our life is boring. Claims I don't talk to him. We sat there last night for about 5 hours talking. Did not accomplish anything except being tired. He informed me he is going out tonight with "the boys". I don't know if I believe him. Not sure I can ever believe anything he says anymore.

I decided des to find an al-anon meeting for tonight. Guess that is keeping me focused. Still watching clock.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

How incredibly hurtful this experience is for you. I'm sorry, sister. I'm glad you are going to a meeting and do hope you'll be "out with some of the fellowship" following your meeting. He's missing the fact that is half of your relationship. What has he really put into it for 40 years? If your marriage was anything like mine - it certainly wasn't a 50/50 deal. Co-workers in my workplaces gave more than my x did. When I sent him packing I noticed there was the gain of peace, a release from being badgered, harassed, blamed, shamed and beaten and a return to being more of myself with the added gift of having an entire queen sized bed to myself (for which I still give thanks nightly after 35 years). Yes, he dated and then remarried and I didn't care. I knew his masks would fall off and they did. I gained more than I lost when I divorced my x and I made up for lost time with old friends and making new ones quickly. I didn't need him and I certainly didn't want to invest anything more of myself with someone who simply wanted to party and do what he wanted to do regardless of the impact on me or on our children. Hugs, friend. The best is yet to come.

Hullibee · Senior Member

Thank you I needed that!

Lyne · ~*Service Worker*~

Your marriage may have died but you haven't! Your old life may be gone but with alanon you can make a new one, and possibly a better one. Grieving is a part of moving on and it certainly feels like a death. I am still with my A for many reasons but my marriage died years ago and after a year in program, I feel alive and so much better. I spent years in suspended animation~waiting for the A to change. Guess what? After 23 yrs, the A hasn't changed, but I am changing. And leaving is certainly a possibility in the future. So I am learning to take care, really good care , of myself. I have support on the board, in a F2F meeting, with an A+ sponsor, and I am going forward, little by little, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Stay with program! Lyne We care!

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Oh honey I am so sad for you. yes it is a death!!! Huge loss. Just surely so unexpected.

You are still young though and can continue with your life and find lots of happiness! Of course it hurts like nothing else. i think it is worse than labor!

I remember getting better but geez it was tiny tiny feelings, but at least I felt it. We are here for you no question. Seems like many of us are choosing to leave right now! That is a whole lot of courage vibes on mip!! People taking control of their own lives, not putting up with the boloney anymore, so many wonderful futures ahead! that is love in action! hugs!

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