Is this a threat? - Al-Anon Family Group

blessed · Senior Member

Is this a threat?

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Sounds like the "War of the Roses" to me, Blessed. I don't know why you sent these to his sponsor and don't need to know. I'm simply concerned that your relationship together has deteriorated to the point where there is little peace for you? What might happen if you not only block his calls, you don't read his texts or emails? Could that help you gain a little peace for yourself? This must feel awful to you so much of the time? (((B)))

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

So apparently he asked politely once and then sends you this (albeit vague) threat? And he thinks that will work????

I've had threatening emails from my AH in the past and I remember how much they used to upset me. They made me feel insecure, unappreciated and that I might be being unkind or abusive myself. In fact I think that was the worst part of it, they used to undermine my self belief. Now I just use them as reminders, if needed, of why I keep my distance.

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

It sounds to me as if he is getting frustrated, but my own guess is that he feels he does not have appropriate access. I have been in this situation from the other side (when someone wasn't giving me information that allowed me to have access to shared finances) so I may have a bit of biased sympathy for your AH. If that's inappropriate, just disregard. I would think a calm reply spelling out his route of access would be apppropriate, and then just a repetition of "You have all you need, please consult the bank" once. His email doesn't read to me like an inappropriate threat, just a case of "I'm going to the bank if you don't reply," but you know the context of your relationship and whether he is a person who flies off the handle and escalates things abnormally, so you're in the best situation to judge.

blessed · Senior Member

I have tried to block his emails; but they go to trash. I can't get them to just disappear. I have tried. I do not respond to them. If anyone knows how to permenantly delete and never see; plesse do tell. He is blocked from FB, and everything else except phone. I guess I need to clock texting & he can call if he has to.

His "sponsor" is also my counselor. We go separately and together. That is why I shared w/ him.

I don't fight w/ him. He does all the fighting, and tried to get me to engage. I do not. This morning was the first morning I was upset in a long time; mainly because he has drug my son into this and that is another long story.

I am leaving all options on the table; and if/when it is time to go, I will know and there will be no hesitation. And it won't be a revolving door. I have contacted family & friends and asked if I can stay if needed. I have a few already that I didn't even have to ask. And my boss knows that there may be a day I just have to get out of here. My coworkers are well trained and and step in until new help is hired. I am not worrying and any of that; just putting things into place if/when they might be needed. That give me peace. Having NO plan would cause me angst. I have a few plans that could be implemented immediately.

I just went into Verizon to block the A #. You can not block #s that are on your plan. I have blocked all his family members a long time ago. They go straight to VM if they call. But, I dont' have to reply; and I don't.

-- Edited by blessed on Friday 18th of July 2014 01:19:54 PM

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Good. Many prayers for you, Blessed, as you work through this very difficult time in your life. Our kids do get involved and that is the thing that always disturbs me the most. Fortunately, your son's Mom has her head on straight and isn't confusing to him. And most importantly, his HP. Blessings, blessings, blessings, Blessed.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

You are protecting you. You seriously may need to go take half the money out for your son. Most A's will not pay support.

He is going to do whatever he is. As long as you are set to take care of you and kiddo, you will be fine.

A's don't want to be alone, they want to drag us down with them.

Such a hard time for you guys! Hoping you find serenity soon. love!

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

There is an app called Mr Number you might want to see if that will work for your situation. I use it and love it! As far as a threat .. I would take it as such. Until he gets an atty involved boo hoo on his part. Wait it out. Be sure you are documenting and have a file for you. Not to give advice .. that is what has worked in clipping my stbax's threats. I have sent him to jail he realizes I'm not playing if he threatens. Good luck .. s :)

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

I don't really know your situation, so I cannot speak to what is or isn't his intent. I can encourage you to be proactive and protective of you and your son. Knowing what the disease is, which is destructive, manipulative and sometimes downright evil, you don't have a level playing field. This leaves you NEEDING to take action that you probably don't want to take. At one time I believed I was bulletproof and indestructible (prideful) because I had the head knowledge of this disease...I was wrong. I stopped second guessing my A's intentions and began to see every work and action as a con, then I got pissed. When I got pissed, I took the right action.

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

How Alanon Works has an opening that addresses abuse .. it is before the book even starts. It always concerns me for anyone who is faced with active behavior. The disease is progressive.

blessed · Senior Member

The PROGRESSIVE is what concerns me. I am not anxious, or fretting, worrying, etc. But, it is a fact this is a progressive disease and he is not working a program and still in denial & still drinking in secret and none of the negative bahaviors have improved, and are PROGRESSIVELY getting worse. Just now making mild threats & what I call cyber bullying with texts/emails to aggravate or initiate arguments. He has failed to engage me thus far. If he gets an answer, it is short and to the point if I answer at all.

Those are facts. I am not naive so I must acknowledge it is real, and make appropriate plans in case _______. Not doing so is setting myself up for the worst. Although my son is almost 18, he is in college and will need financial support for the next four years. Yes, I know many work through college (I did) and that might have to happen, but for the time being I will help him through college as long as I am able. One Day At A Time.

Thanks for the feedback and support. It helps so much; but you all already know that. :)

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