The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So yesterday H came home after a late shift...of course he had a few drinks.
I was in the bedroom meditating, and he came in. Got ready to sleep and started asking questions AGAIN.
- Are you ok? Are you sure? Do you want to tell me anything? Is there anything you want to talk about? Are you upset? Have a done something wrong? Are you sure you don't want to talk? Are you ok??
Well, I wanted to talk. But if he was sober. I wanted to talk about my day, my plans for the week, ask him if he managed to take time off work for the summer, and deep inside I wanted also to talk about his drinking...But I kept asking HP, please don't let me talk, please, let me be silent, so I just kept saying to H that I am fine and everything is OK.
I reached to my book and started to read it. My book is covered with a pretty paper so you can't see the title. He asks:
- What book is it? Is it the Bible?
-No
-What is it called?
So I show him the first page (One Day At A Time In Al-Anon)
-Oh! I have never heard of this book before.
I think to myself: yeah, I am absolutely sure you haven't.
-Is this book good?
-Very good
-Who wrote it?
- Lots of people....
I am so glad I didn't get sucked in answering his questions. He seemed concerned, but I am almost sure he was looking for something to blame and accuse and make him feel better about his drinking. Otherwise, he would be concerned and ask the same questions in the morning before his first beer.
I am so glad I called my HP to rescue me and I had my books on my side. I feel like I won another battle without even fighting!
Thanks MIP
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Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.
Excellent job Luiza!! You've got him wondering. That's good. My AH used to tell me he felt worse about drinking if I left him alone about it. He had only himself to examine when I didn't yell at him. It works if you work it!! You are workin it!!
this is a great thread!!! Leaving them alone gives them a chance to be alone with their drinking and not put it on you. The cheese stands alone girl! Good for you.
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Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.
I think he has been wondering for a while now why I seem not to care about his drinking anymore. Maybe my detachment leaves a hole in his life.
I just feel like such an enourmours burden was taken off my shoulders I don't think I will ever go back arguing about his drinking ever again :)
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Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.
You may return to arguing about it from time to time, Luiza, but once we've tasted the results of detaching with love for ourselves and our serenity, we don't return to the old behavior as often if at all. Daily program work helps us continue what our HP has started in us and for us. After years of program practice, I am still susceptible to falling off the wagon of serenity, but fortunately this is a progress not perfection program.
