I will not.... - Al-Anon Family Group

blessed · Senior Member

I will not....

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I get it, Blessed. I've been there many times in my life and I've learned that to try to push beyond "I am done" when done is what I am sends me into a downward spiral that isn't worth the swirling. You've sent him a message by not sending him a message. Most of us stop doing what has no payoff to it.

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Yes, good for you, taking back your power, go girl!!!!!!

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

That's so cowardly Blessed.....I'm standing with you. Sounds like he drank his nuts off (and I know you are a Christian woman lol but I call it like I see it)

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Lol, someone recently called their ah squirrely, nuts, squirrels, its all becoming clear.x

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Is that really possible, PC? Wow! That's one for the medical books. And wow, Blessed! Would you have thought he drank a lot? I wouldn't have seen that at all! Thank you, PC. Thanks for the share, too, Blessed. I wouldn't have learned this about the reason somebody would send texts or emails when they are within physical distance of us.

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Such passive aggressive behavior .. WOW .. good for you on going and doing what you are doing. Stay safe and enjoy your trip REGARDLESS of what he's doing or not doing.

Hugs :)

PS - .. I LOL'd at PC's comment that is awesome :)

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

Good for you Blessed.

I hope your trip is going well for you. ((((Hugs)))))

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

He's trying his best to get you back into the center of the crisis. He needs participation. Crazy on his part if he thinks he can continue the way it was. Stay the course my friend.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

wow I have heard of manipulating, passive aggressive behavior, but he gets the prize!

I would say yes block him. Then I would think hmmm just becuz he is here who says i have to eat with him or anything? I would dress up and go somewhere to eat on my own. There are places where people love for other people to sit with them too. Also lots of places ya sit so close you can always see if adding to the conversation would be appropriate.

Or just heck with it, go pig out and enjoy yourself! I will take a book, now we can take a laptop or something and watch a movie and eat. or get something to go and go eat somewhere outside.

When my first husband died I learned I like my own company! I smiled at others, I speak to them if I think they look nice i tell them, kids are always fun.

I am seriously thinking of saving and flying to Louisiana in the fall. On my own. I have trained and taken these neat buses to the city here. Were a little hair raising at times but I get this feeling of wanting to go again!

I invite you to look at you from above, what do you want to see her do? go get a make over? go snoop in thrift shops? go shop? I love mephisto sandals. sundresses? get yourself flowers?

Heck with thinking what someone thinks who thinks he can control you I mean really, he is making the cell phone into remote control! lol

hugs honey, I am on your side!!!

Temple · ~*Service Worker*~

Bless your heart!

I'd be tempted to play the Dalek Relaxation tape video that Melly posted one day. I have it in my favorites for when I need to cheer myself up. (And alert others that the ice is getting pretty thin around here.)

He really doesn't know who he is married to, does he?

Temple

Jen61 · ~*Service Worker*~

Good for you deleting his e-mail.

andromeda · ~*Service Worker*~

I've had the same exact thing happen to me, except that we were at home. He said he was afraid to approach me because he knew I was mad that he didn't do what I had asked of him earlier in the week. He was afraid of confrontation from ME. Always likes to turn the tables and makes it sound like I'm the unreasonable one and that my overreacting makes him feel back about himself. He even once said that he wasn't 'allowed' to talk to me because I would get upset every time he brought up controversial subjects. Without going into boring details, we'll just chalk it up to the disease talking and my disease not knowing how to act/ respond at that point in time. Now, he just avoids me which is better than the emails sent when I'm right in front of him, LOL.

Sending you lots of support!!

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

If i contact my ah i will text him. If he is in a mood i dont want
To hear his nasty tone of voice. Texting is voice free, i tried calling
To stay in touch it didnt work out with a prickly bear. I do not want
To hear his negative emotions, it is very bad for my serenity and
Health.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Might you email your post here back at him? that could be setting a boundary...It is eerie though...Hope you have a sponsor to lean upon at times...Keep coming back ((((hugs)))) smile

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

Please let us know how the trip went!

NL14 · Veteran Member

Oy, Blessed, that's awful. Good for you for setting your own rules and expectations for decent behavior. I've been thinking of you on your vacation and hoping it was going well. Hang in there!

blessed · Senior Member

Andromeda. Projection. I have been dealing with that for years. Everything he accuses me of is what he is doing. It is maddening. I am so thankful to AlAnon for helping me to see this and other traits of the diseased mind. It still aggravates me, but I am getting better every day.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Sister...there are lessons to be had some of which or many of which I learned under the title of "reflection"...which is reflecting back those projections which my alcoholic/addict and other tried to stick on me. The lessons were simple; some as easy as saying "that's not true" when the accusation came and then after I said that I could calmly walk away...no resentment and no anger. I could keep myself involved in the fray if I wanted to respond, "It sounds like you are speaking from your own experiences. How is that coming out for you"? I was a practicing therapist and I don't suggest therapy responses to an alcoholic/addict you are living with..."Its not my job" was a lesson I learned in college. I learned that it was important to watch whether my part was being helpful for me or enabling for her. I stopped taking the hooks the disease thru at me and when some of them did hit me I made (metaphorically) sure that I took the barbs off of them so that it wouldn't hurt more taking them out than when they went in.

It is good that you are taking the stance that "you're done doing the same old stuff expecting different results" Let him figure out the new you. In support (((((hugs))))) smile

blessed · Senior Member

Jerry. This is something I have done when the accusations come at me.... I say to myself, "What does God say about that/me?"

Well, God does not agree with my AH, so God wins that argument. However, God reminds me that He loves the A as much as He loves me. What we give to God is very different, but God is the same and loves us all.

The remarks do not phase me one iota.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.