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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> I am so sad
Post Info TOPIC: I am so sad
sunshine23


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I am so sad
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AH and I have been separated for 2 months. whenever he sounded crazy, I would track his whereabouts to make sure he is not coming to my place. Since I have put my boundary in place (not replying to nasty text, not answering calls at unreasonable times and changing my lock) I felt safe enough to let go and not bother to check his whereabouts. I sleep very soundly at night too. Last night though, I woke in the middle of the night (4am) and had this uneasiness. I decided to see where he was. I saw him in a hotel at a shady part of time. Nobody goes there unless to hire sex worker.

few years back, we were separated for 2 years because of drunkandness. He told me he was never unfaithful. I believed him then and my gut feeling tells me he did not betray me then. These couple of weeks, I already sense that he maybe going towards that direction but decided to trust him. However, I am thankful for this revelation. God has decided to reveal it to me. 

I know I need time to grieve and this too shall pass but it hurts. I think I am going to look at ending the marriage. Looking for sex workers is something I cannot accept. 



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PP


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It does hurt and it is great that you acknowledge and accept your feelings without judgment.  Early in my husbands recovery, he acknowledged getting a lap dance several years back, and, even though it was way in the past, it hurt me more than I would initially acknowledge.  The longer I sat with it, the angrier I became.  After I few days, I told him how I was feeling.  He casually mentioned something about being surprised at my responses after a few days and they seemed out of balance or something of that nature.  I think I must have looked at him like a dragon with red eyes as I said "you don't get to judge how I feel!!!"  He slowly walked away.  My point is, yes, alcohol is devastatingly harmful, when the sex thing is thrown in, it gets us at our core, and it is dangerous for our physical health should there be a STD.  Take care...



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Paula
hotrod


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I am glad that you listened to that still small voice within and am so sorry for your sadness Sunshine.

Remember to keep taking care of yourself, place your principles above personalities and know that this too will pass.


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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
likemyheart


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How are you able to track his whereabouts? I have been able to determine that my ex cheated on me during our entire two years - which was probably why he accused me of cheating all the time, if I was cheating it helped him justify himself cheating - and he didn't cheat with high class women.

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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
whispers


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Spend this prescious time on you...forget about looking for him....does it really matter ?

 



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Debra  D
el-cee


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It sounds like you knew somewhere inside. I can get theat uneasy feeling too that wakes me up at night and its usually because there is something I need to face up to. At least you know and it might help you to let go even more. Im sorry your hurting, this too will pass.x

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karma13


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I love how god works :) when we are ready, god lets us know everything we need to know.



-- Edited by karma13 on Friday 11th of July 2014 01:52:15 PM

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I needed these behaviors in my past they helped me survive I'm finding new and better ways to not just survive but thrive 
Debilyn


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I relate hon, yes it hurts a lot. Him doing that was what got me to do the divorce. I am not sorry. Firm boundary for me.

love,deb



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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Kelly123


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I have heard when you wake up at night and you can't sleep, that is your HP trying to tell you something. I think el-cee said something similar above. I am sorry you are going through this sunshine23

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sunshine23


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Thank everyone. God has been good. I have been very busy after the revelation to calm down some nerves. Although still sad but is more level headed. Will look forward and continue to pray. I will take care of myself and kids.

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Cathyinaz


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No matter how hard I tried I couldn't control or fix the situation. I finally quit the looking and trying to figure it out. If I didn't know what was going on I didn't have so much worry, fear and "what ifs " and able to work on myself and what I wanted out of life.

It works so just try it and see for yourself.

((( hugs )))


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