The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, for better or worse, I'm doing the course, a dual certificate in mental health and drug and alcohol counselling. Half of it is in a classroom and the other half is job placement working in different facilities. I guess the hope is that you get along well in one of the places you work and they give you a job when you finish the qualification. Either way, in 3 weeks time I will have to be at a place most weekdays, at a time, amongst people, doing stuff. This will be a MASSIVE shock after years of staying in my home, studying (or not) online and generally being a sad little hermit. I feel very positive about it. Also scared and mistrustful of my ability to BE somewhere at a specified time. It's been a long, long time since I did that on a regular basis.
I had a driving lesson today; re-test takes place in 2 weeks. I feel more positive about that too; the nerves are there but, not overwhelming now. I think I can, I think I can...
Had a lovely 2 days with Mother, lunch with grandmother and aunt and cousins etc.
What else? Oh, I had a call from my daughter's father the day I was due to go and get her. He asked if he could bring her to me, and so we could sit down somewhere and have a coffee and a chat. I was expecting something dreadful, the usual "you're an awful mother" kind of stuff. He and I have not sat down together and talked in 10 years- liiterally- because we could not speak for a few moments without screaming at each other. So for the past few years we have kept all conversations to a few words and just stayed well away from each other for the sake of peace. Anyway i was expecting a speech about how I am an awful mother and I should just dissapear and let his wife raise my child (heard that one a few million times over the past 10 years).
Nope. He wanted to bury the hatchet, basically. The gist was, "I think you've done a great job, our kid is awesome, I'm sorry for all of the crap we've put each other through in the past, I'm not going to ever try to take our daughter from you and I wouldn't be able to anyway because she adores you, I'd just like us to start a dialogue and get on the same page about a few things and to let you know that if you need help, you can ask and i won't use it against you" and so on, wow. It was actually really really nice to have a civil and friendly conversation with my daughter's father and to compliment each other's parenting and be kind to each other. I believe he was extremely genuine and I think as relieved as I was that it went well and we ended up laughing rather than screaming at one another. At the end, he asked if I wanted to go to the pub down the road and get drunk...joking because he doesn't drink anymore and I recalled pinkchip relating about the drunk couple on the hotel he had stayed at, I shook my head and asked him, HOW did we ever think that was fun? (We were THAT drunk couple for many years). It was kinda funny because last time we had a conversation that long we WERE 10 years younger and most of our conversations took place IN that pub down the road. Lol. Anyway it was nice, I have felt so edgy and worried that he is always looking for a way to undermine me for years and I think this gesture was genuine and maybe we have just both matured enough to be parents to our daughter without trying to hurt each other and that's a big relief. I'd like that very much.
So, after a really hard week, things are positive. Also, it's my birthday today (and also A's birthday, we share one). So, yay in general
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Like riding a bicycle only without the thumb bells or plastic horns because we don't get to play as much anymore but we get to do other things that beat beeping the thumb bells and plastic horns on the handlebars. I'm afraid you won't be able to wear your cat as a hat either. Sorry. Things can get a little stuffy in the workplace but we make friends, make money and experience new things that are fun. We can just wear our cat hats when we get home. Grin.
But I was going to wear my cat-hat on my first day. Now I'll have to re-think my whole wardrobe
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
While you are there, Catherine, I really do like your new hat. It's very pink and very purple. But, and please don't take this the wrong way, I'm worried that you might be getting a little bit thin?
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I thought the hat was pink and black. I chose it in honor of PC and Chuck and black tuxes. You mean this whole time, my hat choice wasn't pink and black at all????????? Good grief! Even my lenses are thinning.
Dear Melly Happy Birthday!! I was so pleased to read your update today. Thank you so much for sharing your journey. I agree, Catherine's Neck in her " Hat" does lok a little thin:)
Wow Missy ...growth spurt everywhere. A general YAY....uh uh...this was a biggie me thinks. Wow. Hope you inventory the positives on that side of the page again. Facing your fear being one of them and acceptance being another with the courage to change the Mellie you can. I'm outing myself a bit here for inventorying your event while I am running it thru the filter of my own growth and program. I related to that part you mentioned about being available for your self and committed also. That was/is me...procrastination and excuses to put off has become a major recovery focus and I am working on doing it and not planning to doing it. Grateful for that part of your honest trusting share. Happy Birthday? Of course HAPPY!! ((((hugs))))
No, I think you are right, it IS black. Now, back to whether I should wear my purple and white kitty to my new class..
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Happy Birthday Melly!!! I hope someday my STBAX will sober up and we can have a similar conversation .. congrats on being able to put the past in the past. I'm so glad that he's willing to step up to the plate. Good luck on the driving test you are going to do FINE :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Sorry I'm late, but Happy Birthday Melly. Wow, I'm impressed! Fantastic news on lots of fronts, course sounds great and I love your new confidence in driving. Yay indeed!!!
