The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My best friend has offered me a place to stay, I love her to bits, she has been divorced three years and lives alone, we get on amazingly well and have been very supportive of one another throughout our friendship, our interests are the same and I admire and respect her.
My concerns are, I am not gay, people my think it, I also feel that maybe one day either her or me might meet someone and want to move on, I need to pay my way too, I can ask her all of these questions, but my head is not on straight right now so can you see anything I am not seeing?
Hi Kathy, I do hear you and believe you are on the right track. Make a list of pros and cons of living with your friend. Make a list of the questions you would like to ask, your motives for making the change and what you might need in this arrangement.
I would like to assure you that in my city, many, many women livetogether without being gay. As a roommate it is important to pay your share of the utilities, rent, and food so it would be important to find out what these costs might be so you can factor that into your decision.
Just remember this does not have to be forever arrangement. I permitted a fellow Al-Anon member to live in my apartment when she left her hubby. We both understood it was a temporary arrangement until she could find herself and a place she could afford. The arrangement worked perfectly. We respected each of his boundaries and within four months she had recovered enough to find her own place. Once a week for dinner and a meeting. This could work out well for you so pray about it and trust your inner voice.
Givers are generally not good receivers. I had to learn that lesson many years ago from a friend who was just trying to help me through a difficult time. I would always politley decline and one day she said, "You are robbiing me of a blessing." I then understood as I was a giver and have been blessed in my giving to others. If it is a gift, just accept the gift, and say thank you.
Of course, it is a living arrangement and there should be some boundaries in place so neither is disappointed and a friendship is lost.
My two bff have always given me an open invitation to their homes if things get too bad here. That is a great peace I have, as I know I could just drive there w/o a second thought.
In my experience, people will think what they will think. It only matters what I think when it comes to making decisions for my life and the motivations for them. Living with another person - even if we are good friends - always comes with a certain amount of risk. Lots of encouragement and support as you weight the pros and cons of moving and living with your friend. Keep us posted, Katy, please?
I hate when people think I'm gay. I just like to marry men and have sex with them :)
Seriously Katy, I understand your fear. Lots of people have roommates like that. I don't believe people would think you were gay and again, telling you from experience, I would take it as a compliment if they thought that because it puts you in good company! LOL.
Is she gay? Is it a concern that she might get the wrong message or have problems with you in that way? If that is the case, have a talk and if you are really as good friends as you say, then communicate.
My fear wouldn't be the gay or straight issue, but thanks PC for the snort! My trepidation about entering into such an arrangement is what it COULD do to a good friendship. I would hate to sacrifice a friendship for rent. If you could go into it with a contingency plan in place, setting funds aside should you start to feel things between you are slipping; heck, you could even go into it as if it were temporary, setting aside money with both of you knowing that should the opportunity arise, you would move on; at the end of a trial period you could consider whether you wanted to stay on or not. I don't think co-habitating is always a bad idea between friends, it could work, but it could also not work and you could lose a friendship.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Sounds like a really nice offer katy. I wouldnt care about anyone thinking I was gay, its no ones business and what they think is none of my business thankfully. I stayed with my sister for a while, years ago, when I was trying to leave my ex before the big proper leave. It was a nightmare, I am so close to her but staying in her house drove me nuts and we didnt get on, whkch was surprising.
I think if its a big enough house that you will have your own space then it sounds good. I live with just my son today and I love having things to my liking. I dont fancy moving into someone elses space, thats just me though, roommates type situation does work for many people. Do you feel living alone is not an option for you?
