The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I can't believe I would be writing this here, but here I am.
I am ashamed, but I feel I need to share.
So, Saturday night, H was asleep, I was with daughter watching TV and decided to drink one can of beer (440ml).
I drank very quickly, daughter went to sleep and I decided to get a second one. Finished the second one quickly as well, my program still hadn't finished and I then decided to drink a third can before going to bed. Not sure why...
Following day, Sunday, I wake up early and feel very umcomfortable, I go to the sitting room to try and get better. My belly is huge.
Daughter wakes up and I think about having a shower and going to the church but I am not well so go back to bedroom to try and sleep. It is hard as I am so uncomfortable but I manage to have a nap.
I wake up at lunch time, H is with daughter at the kitchen cooking food. I try ans eat something and have coffee but it is difficult. H asks what is worng and I tell him once daughter is not listening about the 3 cans of beer. He asks me why? I am not used to drink that much, of course I will be unwell...
So I go back to the bedroom and he takes daughter to swimming lessons, then buy groceries.
He comes back and cooks two complete different dishes for dinner, so I can pick one and we can have food left the next day, I don't need to cook.
He plays with daughter, gives her dinner, sorts her bath out, etc.
I emerge from the bedroom at 6pm, and manage to eat a few roasted potatoes only. I am feeling a bit better and decide to put daughter to bed and read her books...He then proceeds to clean the sitting room which was incredibly messy and dirty and kitchen after all that cooking, he does all the washing up (which he hates, we don't use a dishwasher)
I go back to the bedroom as I am out of energy again but I can't sleep, can't read, can't surf on the web...even thinking hurts. Horrible feeling. I wish I was sick so I could get better soon.
Following day, Monday, I am still not 100% in the morning but functioning. I am better in the afternoon and go do some errands with daughter after school. He calls me to check up on me and ask when we are going to be back. He had an early shift and is already at home.
I get home to find the laundry done and he is ironing.
Today, Tuesday, he had an unexpected early shift too and came home early, didn't even pop in the pub...
I wonder if my hangover made him realise how is it to be on the other side...or maybe I am just too optimistic...
But anyway, I can't quite believe I have done that, and I wasted one whole day of my life rolling on the bed, feeling sore and sorry for myself...Never again.
And I don't even like beer..
__________________
Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.
Im glad you shared that luiza, its good to share the things we dont think we should, I do that a lot, it keeps the shame from growing. Its like this was all for a reason, drinking the beer, getting ill, to show you what your husband is capable of doing when he is given the chance too. Do you control everyhting that goes on like I did? I think this was a great learning experience for you, he is not hopeless or helpless, he is capable and to be fair to him he was kind and considerate into the bargain.x
Before Al-Anon, I tried to control everything, and I didn't even realised it.
When I thought I should give some control I was always supervising, amending, suggesting...
I am learning how not to control all the time now, however, I am used to do stuff with daughter all the time and I am so active.
But on the day of my hangover I couldn't even think never mind, do anything. Even going to the bathroom was a sacrifice. I would never think he would do so well in such situation, I would have never trust him to do stuff like he did all by himself without me helping, telling what to do or stay on stand by. I never gave him credit. He truly proved me wrong.
And he was kind and considerate, checking on me, opening the bedroom windows for fresh air, etc. He never criticised, humiliated me or judged.
And he is not talking about it either....
And I was worried about him going mad because I drank his beer...
__________________
Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.
Alcohol..... I did the same thing.... DRINK ALCOHOL. Not good for the soul or body but it did give you something didn't think could happen so let go let God...
((( hugs )))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
That is the experience that generally keeps "normal" drinkers from over-indulging. Alcoholics continue to drink through the hangovers or they get used to them. I wasted years of my life drinking. Don't feel too bad. I think it would be more common for the A in your life to use this as an excuse to go on a bender, but we are totally powerless over them so...
When you think they "should" behave one way they will do the opposite and so forth....His reaction is probably not worth investing much thought into other than you are thankful he acted nicely in that time period.
Actually its taking you longer than one day cause the thinking part of the drinking part will bother you for a while. I like your title for this post. "Intoxication".... poisoning. That is what alcohol does to the system especially the newbie. "A mind and mood altering chemical"...it isn't diet pepsi or kool aid or milk. Keep and open mind cause more might be coming. Had and affect on him also huh? Let us know when you find out if and why you drank when you didn't want to. Addiction is in that process cause I learned that is when the chemical is calling the shots and you're just following thru. Keep coming back...((((hugs))))
Luiza, I'm glad you are feeling better and that you were treated kindly, too. I'm with you on the beer stuff. It smells like urine to me. I hear folks talk about wanting a cold beer and I'm thinking "Face, do not register what I am thinking. Its not your business what people drink." I hear others talk about liking manhattans and martinis. Ugh. To me, its like drinking kerosene and folks say its good. Again "Face, do not register what I am thinking or feeling about somebody else's choice of beverage."
Regardless of why you drank 3 beers or why he was so kind and generous, you owned it, you shared it, you see that maybe you could reduce the amount of work you do around the house and invite him to help you more, and you know that you are safe here and cared about. I was concerned that the discomfort could be indicative of something other than a hangover - especially with the swollen stomach - but relaxed when your body seemed to return to normal.
Lots of hugs.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Tuesday 8th of July 2014 10:22:53 PM
Don't get me wrong, it wasn't my first hangover. It wasn't even the worse one. However I haven't had one for a very looooong time.
And I never had it after drinking just beer.
But the way my mind processed this last hangover was very different. It got me thinking why I did hurt myself like that? And why people keep hrting themselves over and over and over again? It made me put into perspective how sick in their mind they must be.
Then I read somewhere in my books something about having compassion and being thankful for not being affected by this disease like the addicts are.
Thanks HP, I can control easily the substances I put in my body.
__________________
Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.
Nobody consciously chooses to hurt themselves, do we? I know that if I'm sleepwalking through life, I'm more apt to miss what I'm actually thinking, feeling and doing or the motivation for it all and I hurt myself. That's one of the spiritual benefits of this program. I make a conscious effort every day to show up for life with my assets and gratitude list, sponsor check in, readings, and doing a Step 3 and 11 and then a 10 at night if not at different times during the day. You are doing the same, Luiza, when you choose to work the program daily, too. You are choosing to live your life consciously, one day at a time, according to spiritual principals. I say hurrah for you. Maybe somebody your loved one will choose to wake up, too? I hope so.
I hope so!
I have always been very spiritual, since very little, I have tried to follow so many different pathways and so many 'Gods', and so many truths...
Until I try Al-Anon and realise that it is all about 'my God' and 'my Truth', and everything become so clear, it feels like I finally have now all the pieces of the puzzle, lets work on it and put them together.
I wish I had started this journey long ago, lets say 15 years or more. But it started now, 2014, and it there must be a reason for that too.
I am grateful anyway.
__________________
Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.
Your response makes me happy. I've sat in meetings with folks who are constantly putting themselves down for starting when they started. I'm glad you are celebrating that you started and will stay with it as we put the puzzle pieces together. Being grateful is certainly evidence of you working the program.
And just so you know we're in this together, just post the next time you are going to get a beer. I'll remind you that you already know you don't like it. And I'll throw in my "it smells like urine." Grin and a hug, Luiza.
Thank you for sharing. I also find myself drinking, and wonder why I'm doing this. This exactly what I told my AH not to do, and I do it myself. Because....? Boredom? Escape? I don't know. But it helps to know I'm not the only one struggling, and wondering what I'm doing with/to myself.
I'm not a "keep coming back" sort of customer when it comes to drinking either. The bars would go out of business if they had to depend on me. lol I have to say your post really put a smile on my face. You don't have to emotionally kick yourself for the choice you made. The part of your post that resonates for me is his reaction to your crisis. A few years back I saw my bro step up this way when my mother got very ill. Until then, I wanted to believe he wasn't even an alcoholic just a drinker, lifetime complainer and blamer. We've lived at a distance for many years. When my mother became so ill and he became responsible, caring, humorous and reliable the way he had been in his twenties, that stark difference helped me come to terms with the fact that he likely had the disease but was maybe capable of abstaining long enough to do what needed to be done. In my heart of hearts I wanted to believe he'd had a spiritual awakening of sorts and that I finally had my old brother back. It lasted about two weeks. I'd been around long enough to know that I should only be cautiously optimistic. I'm grateful to have had the gift my higher power gave me of time with my brother the way I remembered him before the disease invaded his body and spirit. I grieved a bit when he reverted back to his drinking behaviors; he's my brother and I love him.
Please keep taking care of yourself with the Alanon program. Your husband has shown that he loves you and your daughter by his actions. His illness may win out this time but that has nothing to do with how they feel about us. It doesn't invalidate the love they show us or the good things they do. I send my brother a letter acknowledging what he'd done to help, told him I loved him and returned to my life as it is. I can keep sobriety for him on my wish list and in my prayers. There's always hope.
Thank for sharing. Keep coming back and if he tries to use the fact that you had the beers to justify his drinking, just detach. Maybe imagine him ironing all the clothes in your closet. ((hugs)) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
I learned to answer the question "what am I doing" after I got into program and was practicing for a while. It is a 10th step question and very good to ask time to time.
Not sure why...
...Never again.
As elcee said, it is good you shared so the shame does not take hold of you in the dark. (((hugs)))
Nobody consciously chooses to hurt themselves, do we? I know that if I'm sleepwalking through life, I'm more apt to miss what I'm actually thinking, feeling and doing or the motivation for it all and I hurt myself. That's one of the spiritual benefits of this program. I make a conscious effort every day to show up for life with my assets and gratitude list, sponsor check in, readings, and doing a Step 3 and 11 and then a 10 at night if not at different times during the day. You are doing the same, Luiza, when you choose to work the program daily, too. You are choosing to live your life consciously, one day at a time, according to spiritual principals. I say hurrah for you. Maybe somebody your loved one will choose to wake up, too? I hope so.
((hugs)) TT