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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> i finally moved away...
Post Info TOPIC: i finally moved away...
tortuga


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i finally moved away...
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the day has come when I had to move away, out of the country I used to live for 4 years. Job ended and so did my motivation to stay close to ex-abusive-A. I felt very unsure about this moment, very scared, and very sad. So much has happened. And I used to love this place. But now I start thinking, this moving away has been a chance. A chance for my past to find peace, for my present to be able to focus fully on myself, for my future to evolve into something more happy peaceful and healthy.

In retrospect AND on the distance, i only realize now how violent, crazy and turmoiled my life has been. And from the situation i have been in, i have let myself been abused A LOT. How did I manage, how did I survive this??

I'm vulnerable, because I feel I have a lot to forgive to myself. mental and physical abuseI stood there and took it all in. Just as a reminder to those who are still dealing with high turmoil. The manipulation that can happen in alcoholic relationship is blinding, numbing and it does that twisting reality show in transforming slowly in time. To those facing mental and physical and verbal abuse, i come back to tell: NO CONTACT is the most difficult yet the most powerful tool you can practice to restore yourself. And one goes back several times, and I think now it's normal. One doesn't believe immediately what has happened, one wants to go back and have the world a different place, especially the people we chose to love. It says something about our integrity and faith. But we realize, maybe the 2nd, the 3rd, maybe the 10th time that things don't change if nothing changes. I admit, I only managed ZERO contact persistently when I moved away 1 month ago. I didn't see him or anything, but we were in contact somehow, living only 5 minutes away. and having back my own support system, i can tell, THAT TOO is important. I for isolated too much. so my experience is: keep in touch with the people who show you love, even though no relationship is perfect, but there are those out there who give you affection and compassion for free. Find those people and take care of that bond. They can remind you who you are, when time and transformation of reality have advanced that much already that you forgot about yourself.

And last, the reason I need to forgive myself foremost: my boundaries were weak and life can become a disaster. This is the end f victimhood, of martyrdom, of the 'mother Teresa act'. Yes, compassion is important, but healthy self care is a must for us who have lived amidst the effects of alcohol. if I don't want to get treated like S"*", I have to set the rules and give directions how I want to be treated. Difficulties for this definitely lie in childhood and education. So i'm digging there and trying to find the key to transformation. Don't be scared of that too much, what is past is in the past. But you would be surprised how much we are still reacting to a mother or a father or brother /sister  in all our adult life, without knowing. BUt i still believe transformation  can be achieved.

I'll keep on digging and replanting. Thank you for your company, support and showing me different ways of how it can be done.

I'm grateful and wish us all enough courage to grow healthy.



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Jerry F


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((((Tortuga))))...not anything like the Tortuga who first found this family.  Wow...grateful for you and your growth and courage and commitment and work and for the changes you have now expressed.  Stay with it cause more is coming...much more like you will not believe.  I am impressed as anyone else here who has listened to your journey of recovery.  You have done good...really good.    Keep coming back and I pray you find a place that sings beautiful songs to your spirit.   ((((hugs)))) smile



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Debilyn


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it is late here in oregon but I had to send you a hug. will write more tomorrow. i am so glad you are free. you said so many true things. I can feel your strength yet deep sadness too. you got me teary eyed. this was not easy i sure know. it will get better and better.plus you never ever have to face that stuff again. hugs honey



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
hotrod


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(((Dear Tortuga)) Thank you for your honesty and clarity. It is a difficult time and I see that HP has provided an interesting path for you to move out and on.

Forgiveness of myself and others and learning the lessons from the past, provided me with the wisdom to let go of the past and build a future with great new tools, self esteem and faith.
Keep sharing the journey

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
PP


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Surrender and anticipation of transformation...a lovely combination. (((Tortuga)



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Paula
slowlearner


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It's amazing when you step back from a bad situation and really see how crazy it is. Keep up the hard work and keep coming back.

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KennyFenderjazz


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That was a beautiful share Tortuga. How many people don't learn from their experiences, but you did! Onward and upward from here!

Kenny

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grateful2be


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Can you hear me clapping for you, Tortuga! You decided life was worth more to you than staying in the shadows of continual abuse! You made it out alive and with a lot of lessons learned. Continual progress in Al-Anon meetings will deliver to you a woman you didn't know existed who was held down by the clutches of a disease over which we are all powerless and led on by a Power untouched by this disease who loves you as you are and will continue to help you grow and deepen your spirituality. What a witness to progress you are to us all. (((T)))

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
Debilyn


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I relate to the going back too.I am glad I do as it has helped me to help others to see the point and reason of it. When it comes to physical abuse, especially with a child involved I cannot help but do my best to share the truths of it.

If I didn't, and those situations came true, I would not forgive myself. At least I was able to share the ugly truths so the person can make their own decision.

Does not mean I don't want to support them in whatever they find they can do, as I am not there to physically help them.

You have done a very courageous thing, I believe from what I know of you, you are going to make yourself a wonderful space and feel the serenity of home. Hope you find people who think like you and make very close new friends. Meetings too!!

I forgot to do my eyebrows, didn't paint my toes anymore. I forgot how much I love to plant things, raise puppies and kittens fostering and placing. My house was dead.

Trouble was mine left and I had a huge animal sanctuary of animals who were rescued I alone had to care for. plus without his income it was tough. 5 horses 7 llamas,sheep, goats, pigs potted pigs, hundred pound tortoises, chickens ducks yu name it.

Plus my mother died.

your moving on is amazing!! It is sooo hard but I hope you can be where you are and take one day and think ok what can I do today? Do nice things for you. Even picking wild flowers or grasses and bringing them in help. Surround you with life.

hey raise a couple puppies, that will be so joyous! (c:

Please keep coming and letting your loving support group give you lots of hugs!



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Jen61


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Good job!


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tortuga


Senior Member

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Thank you all for your kind words.
Debilyn i will take your suggestion to heart and surround myself with life, creating beauty, somehow and i love being around positive people, they get pretty contagious. It feels good to breathe, one day at the time.
with love and support to all

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