The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
We are still not talking, I have tried, but I am not forcing it, he is behaving as he always does and I am trying my upmost hardest to do something different for a different result, I usually feel that depressed when he throws me a curve ball and I caught it again,after that, I find it soooooo hard to pick myself up and keep going, thank goodness I have a job to go to, it forces me to get moving and not isolate, I finished work mid afternoon yesterday, I came home and he was sitting stone faced watching tv, I decided to go and have a bath, he tried the door while I was in there, I had locked it, something I have never done, I don't want someone who treats me with so little respect just walking in on me while I am bathing, so anyway I got tootled up and thought where do I love, It was a gorguss day, so I put the roof down on my car and just drove, the radio was playing my favourite songs, I headed for my lovely Derbyshire, rolling green hills, there is a particular place called Matlock where bikers meet up, there is a watermill with a pond and a fab little chipshop near by that does the best fish and chips, I usually sit by the mill pond eating my chips looking up at black rock and I am amazed how much beuty there is between there and me, but I didn't stop there, the car park was full, so I drove along the strip, lots of bikes parked up and people sat drinking coffee, I wished I could of joined them too and sat amongst them but I carried on and was going to park up and sit in a place I love, where the bikes have to pass you to get where there going, but I didn't, I felt hungry so I thought I fancied a burger, so I went to a kfc and sat in my car and ate it, when I got home hubby was out, I wondered where he might of gone, I was feeling chewed up but I thought enjoy the silence, enjoy the freedom, enjoy the space and the calm, I opened the windows wide and let the nights breeze waft about my face, I had the remote control all to myself, I thought what if he has gone drinking, and caught myself, so what if he has, I have had a good time on my own, what ever he is doing is none of my buisiness, there has been so much control in this relationship, so much blame, I don't like living like that anymore, every day that I come here I learn something new about myself, I didn't cause it I can't change it and I can't cure it, bless you my friends x
This is inspiring to me. Thank you for sharing how you pushed yourself to do something you wanted to do and thought only of you. instead of moping around. For me I find it hard to push myself to do something productive when I am in an " A" induced funk. Jobs are great it is good to be busy, with my A#1 my job was my lifeline (he encouraged me to quit thank goodness I didn't) . Love the part about locking the bathroom door it sounds like you are setting healthy boundaries :)
Katy: I loved this share on self-care. I could visualize the bikers, the mill pond, the fish and chips, the drive in the car with music playing and you with a smile on your face and peace in your heart and surrounding you, too. Glad you had more time to yourself when you got home. Locking the door to the bathroom? Good, good boundary.
