The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I feel as if I've been through the same thing over and over....sure, I tweak it and I get slightly different results, but none that get me out of this cycle. 12 years together, alcohol used to be fun at first, nights out, friends, laughter....but then I got pregnant 2 years into the relationship. Things changed for me, wanted to quit being the party girl/couple and focus on being a mom. Well things changed for him too, but not how I'd hoped. I left him 8 years ago for nine months because I came home after a night shift and he was beyond drunk (not the first time) with a two year old boy in his crib. But he wore me down because I still loved him, and we started again. Sure he still got drunk, and I hated it but I loved him and I'd enjoy the odd night having a few with him. But things got worse again (really? I didn't think worse was possible) - he would start drinking after work and drink so much that he'd soil himself, could not walk, drove drunk and hit a sign once (I rescued him that time too by dragging a five year old out at 3 am to pick him up and arrange for a towing company to get the vehicle home), have left to a shelter twice (emotional not physical abuse), argument after argument and now yesterday happened.
He didn't come home til 6 am after telling me twice he was on his way - he is battered and bruised and I've received two stories - one is that he got into a fight, the other that he fell down. He didn't know where the car was last night, but today he knows he gave the keys to a friend although still not sure where it's parked. He lost his phone, but thinks it's in the car. And he took a cab home from a place that is nowhere near where we live. He soiled himself again - his jeans stink and are soaked. And he was supposed to work today, but so did I (on one hour's sleep) and I left him passed out on the bed. I'm devastated that out 10 year old sees and hears it all now that I can't hide it from him. If he was in a fight, he could have been killed...if he did fall, it could have been off a bridge. I can't keep doing this anymore.
So many times we've broken up...it's over...yada yada yada...it's more of a joke now to anyone who knows us because we always get back together again. But I think I've reached my last break up. I finally have an option that involves moving to another town 12 hours away and I'm not letting it slip away. I have given my notice at work, and will need to make this quick before I change my mind. My heart aches, tears flow freely because I love this man so much - but I have to stop enabling him. I have to prove to our son that this behavior is not acceptable so that he doesn't go down this path. I am afraid. I have no job. I have no money. But I've got a place to live, and a friend (son's godmother actually) who is amazing and willing to help us get back on our feet. So I'm letting go and letting God.
Thanks for reading...here's hoping that I finally change my Groundhog Day, but I'll let you know in 2 weeks.
That's a lot of chaos. Take good care of yourself! I hope you have a good meeting and maybe a sponsor? We get addled ourselves from so much insanity. Hugs!
Hello. I can't imagine all the turmoil you are experiencing right now. I do know that once you've moved, Al-Anon meetings will help you find yourself again and develop the tools you need to continue to say no to living the way you have discovered you just can't do anymore. I've been there, too. Al-Anon helped me get through it and stay out of it with my x or another person with the same issues - just wearing a different haircut and style of clothing. Keep coming back here, too.
Welcome Watts,
I am happy that you reached out and shared. .Alcoholism is a dreadful disease over which we are powerless. Alanon is a fellowship of people who live with or have lived with this disease. We have face to face meetings in most communities to help break the isolation caused by living with the disease The hot line number is found in the white pages. It is here I learned to begin to keep the focus on my needs, regain my self esteem, live one day at a time, trusting a Higher Power. I can so identify with viewing life as Groundhog Day as mine too resembled that movie for many years . Attending alanon , working the program using the Steps and the Slogans helped to restore me to sanity so that I found the courage ,, serenity and wisdom to get off the merry go round.
You are not alone so please keep coming back There is hope
Maybe getting yourself and your son out of the situation would be a good thing. Then you can concentrate on yourselves without the chaos of alcholism. Where ever you go keep working the program - it helps. Time away from the situation will help you see how insane it is. May you find strenght and peace.
Hello and welcome. Sounds like you've reached your limit. I moved out in March. I know how you feel. Follow what your head is telling you...eventually your heart will follow. That's what I am doing. Your higher power is with you every step of the way. You are not alone. Keep posting and let us know how it goes. Sounds like you have a great friend. Things will work out.
I can totally understand how you feel. My ex would have all this drama around his drinking and then my 21 year old son. I would always rescue and fix which of course encourages it to continue, I found it so difficult to live with, especially when my son started it. I had to detach, I left my ex, got into alanon, eventually told my son to leave, got my life back. I think your doing the right thing for you and your son. This type of anxiety and stress is unhealthy for you and your son, it causes damage. I suggest you attend alanon meetings, it is for people who have been affected by alcoholism, it will help you recover. Thanks for sharing.x
