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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> what I learned about love
Post Info TOPIC: what I learned about love
Lyne


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what I learned about love
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What I learned about love from my family of origin  is that love hurts, love is abusive, life was scary and unpredictable, and nobody was going to help me.  It now makes sense that both my first marriage and my current marriage, is to alcoholics/addicts, emotionally abusive, and unavailable people.  And guess what?  My sister is in the same boat with her husband.  Too soon old and too late smart?  I'll get there, it will just take a more time.  Alanon shows me a new and better way,  Lyne



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Lyne
NL14


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Amen.

It's so bizarre how as COA's instead of looking for the opposite of the "love" we learned in our families of origin, we seek to replicate it in our adult relationships. I guess that's all we know; when we see those behaviors, we say "oh, there's love!"

I truly didn't recognize until this past year (!) what I'd done: The daughter of an A and a narcissist, I married a narcissistic A...

It's never too late to get smart. That's what I'm hoping. And, yes, I'm hoping Alanon will help with that part.

Best of luck, Lyne.

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hotrod


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Dear Lyne, My sister reminded me the other day that when I was young, around 9 or 10 I confided in her that I prayed that no one ever loved me because it is too painful to be loved .You have to do all sorts of things for the other person and not get anything in return. A little sad for a child to feel this way.
Thanks to alanon I have learned HOW to love. I had to learn to LOVE myself first. validate my, needs and wants and love others unconditionally. It took work and going through the steps more than once to reach this spot Love" is not my motivating attitude in all my affairs Thank you alanon for this miracle

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Debilyn


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Lyne I want to say that those things are not love. I do relate. How we think that love can hurt. I learned that for me, what is important is that "my" love is real,pure and unadulterated.

Even if one does not believe in the Bible, like other books there are some lovely things in it. I invite you to read 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8.I honestly believe this and live by it. For me it is my hp thru and thru.

Also loving and being loved back by animals has taught me how precious and real  love is. I smile a lot. When shopping or being out from my home, people talk to me. I like that a lot. I believe a smile invites others in, even animals. I can look over at my dogs smiling and they see me looking and wag their tails. if I am crying they will come directly to me to soothe me.

If it is my pigs....well they think oh for petes sake get over it and scratch my tummy! lol

I hope you experience some true love honey, we all need it. its ok to ask for it too! hugs and believe me you are loved here!!!



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
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