The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
so my adult son decided a week ago to detox/cut down. It was unbearable seeing him do this when I visited. But, a week on, he's not drunk as much - claims to have had nothing for 2 days. He's been to 1 AA meeting. Says he'll continue. Yesterday his work said he was to be disciplined for poor performance (they've apparently not realised his drink problem - yet) the NHS addiction service he referred self to has, thus far, proved to be dis-organised and not doing as it promised. But he at least seems sober.
Yet (just as I've read somewhere) in a curious way I've felt worse because it seems like this is likely a cruel taste of what could be and I'm hyper-vigilant looking for the relapse. F2F meeting tomorrow.
is there any point hoping it'll get better - or is best to assume relapse is round the corner?
Because of HIPAA, his employer may not be able to say anything about the drinking - its a health issue.
Program teaches us to focus on ourselves, stay in the day and do the next right thing for ourselves. I learned I drove myself nutz trying to anticipate anything in relationship to my son - positive or negative. That's not to say I couldn't recognize patterns for relapse, I could and I can, but I did learn to focus mainly on the facts at hand one day at a time. I'm glad you're going to a F2F meeting tomorrow. In the beginning, I felt like I was carrying 2500 pounds into the room and onto my seat. I'd leave wondering why I felt so much better and I hadn't done anything but say my first name, read a step, and listen. There is help and there is hope for us whether or not our loved one continues to drink.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Tuesday 1st of July 2014 05:00:40 PM
I think its best to work on your own happiness and your own life regardless if hes sober or drunk. We cant base our own emotions and feelings on anothers choices, especially our children, its too much to put on another person. The best person you coukd be for your son is a positive, happy person despite the chaos, its a good example to set.
For today it sounds positive. Try to stay in the moment MC. Don't obsess over him. For today, he took some good steps and had some consequences he probably needed to have. You have reason to have hope always and I suggest when you are happy and hopeful, stick with it and don't find reasons to not be hopeful.
At the same time, limit expectations for the future and don't set yourself up for sadness by expecting good or bad....detach in that way.
