Any point even hoping for better? - Al-Anon Family Group

MCALANON · Veteran Member

Any point even hoping for better?

Rose50 · Senior Member

There is always hope but I understand and feel your pain as I go through this with my son time and again. I am always waiting for the next crisis. It's a terrible way to live. I have come to the realization that I cannot control him or his actions. God knows I have tried and failed miserably. I pray each day that he finally "gets it" and works 100% toward sobriety. I leave him in HP's loving hands.

You are not alone. ((hugs)))

DavidG · ~*Service Worker*~

smile I look at it this way-in the bad old days people got into relationships and family took sides, gave unbidden advice, and generally messed everything up...

today, at least in my family....

Today, whoever the kids have chosen, we encourage them to give it their best shot.

Flash back for me to my own experience with a treatment centre... a real mixed reaction, to say the least...

...if your son can see through this, and at least get to a meeting on his own- he has some guts... at least some get up and go...

airing our difficulties is what Alanon is all about... all we can do is give it our best shot...

...at present I do believe your sons odds are better than average...

...DavidG.

Kelly123 · Veteran Member

DavidG wrote:
I look at it this way-in the bad old days people got into relationships and family took sides, gave unbidden advice, and generally messed everything up...
today, at least in my family....

Today, whoever the kids have chosen, we encourage them to give it their best shot.
Flash back for me to my own experience with a treatment centre... a real mixed reaction, to say the least...
...if your son can see through this, and at least get to a meeting on his own- he has some guts... at least some get up and go...

airing our difficulties is what Alanon is all about... all we can do is give it our best shot...
...at present I do believe your sons odds are better than average...
...DavidG.

This is very good advice.I hope the best for you and your son.

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello MC - you ask - is there any point hoping it'll get better? What I can say is that it gets better because we take the focus off of them and look to what makes our life better. My ex, whom I will always deeply love, has chosen his path and my life has gotten better despite his choices. when I was with him, everything revolved around him. I remember a show about anorexia - it had a sister in a brutal truth interview saying that she was so tired of the whole family's life revolving around her sister's illness. And that's the way it is with A's and their enablers, as long as the enablers do their job - focusing totally on the A, the A is happy (but the enablers are miserable..... ); it is only when the enablers stop doing what the A's expect - stop making their whole life about the A - that the enablers get happier and the A's less comfortable and less happy.

The hardest thing to do for them is nothing; let them fall - it hurts, regardless of whether they are our children or the love of our lives. I did come to recognize that mine was using the fact that I cared about him against me - if you love me you'd _____________.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Mc Good News that he is seeking help. It is hard not to get our hopes up and make plans.

Remember alcoholism is a progressive fatal disease over which we are powerless. Like any chronic illness, this disease can be arrested but never cured. Taking care of ourselves, learning how to be supportive, understanding and empathic while taking care of ourselves is important.In alanon I learned how to live with the disease with courage, serenity and wisdom Please keep coming back.

MCALANON · Veteran Member

thanks all - sorry I posted same question twice. Yes, I guess it does take guts to try, so that's a point well made and thank you- I should say he cut down with no input from any professional.

I will try to balance support v enabling.

thanks again

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

One thing I would support is not letting him Detox on his own. That is very very dangerous. Alcohol withdrawal can kill you. He should know better never to just stop drinking without help.

blessed · Senior Member

We don't know what the future holds. One Day At A Time. Put all that energy in taking care of you, today. :)

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