The material presented
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to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This morning I attended a morning version of another group I have attended 3-4 times. I really like this group. I go in thinking I have me all together, and leave knowing I have a lot of work to do. That's a good thing, right? lol!
Well, this mornnng was different. When I left I was almost in tears. I was anxious and upset for a good hour, until I got busy at work & I guess forgot about it. We were discussing INSANITY - Doing the same things and expecting different results. Step 1, 2, 3 were discussed a lot. Because I have a solid relationship w/ God I just checked off 2 & 3. But, when I read it slowly, word-for-word, I HAVE NOT made a decision to turn my WILL over to God. I have given him my life, and trust Him w/ my life, but I have not submitted my will to His. Far from it. Oh, I say I trust God, and totally believe He is in control of everyone & everything but there are still things in my life I am not trusting Him with, and not ready to relinquish.
One is the finances. A few weeks ago my spouse asked for the passwords for the online access of our bank accounts. He has never been interested before & I told him no at the time, until I talked to our counselor. He can see the statements and I print out a budget report every month that is in the drawer. I used to give it to him but he just let it lay there until I filed it, so I just file it. But, he is not to be trusted right now and I don't want him to be online messing things up. Is this being responsible, or is it not trusting God? That is hard to answer. I think it is being responsible & wise. And he can walk into the bank and close any acct., etc. so it isn't like he doesn't have access, I just don't want him messing with stuff online. It takes a little more effort to drive to the bank and go in and do business then doing it online.
So, I am torn over whether I am not letting go, or I am being wise. I truly do not know right now. I try to come up with comparable scenerios that will help understand it, but can't think of a good example.
Oh, my 17-year old son just came in and asked if he could go grocery shopping. Today is Monday. I just bought $100 of groceries on Friday. My AH buys $100/food a week for just himself and about $75-100/ wk eating out. So, that is $400/wk for all of us and we can't afford $1,600 mo. on groceries and eating out. This is part of the dilemna of handing over finances. We are debt-free right now, but wouldn't be if I didn't micromanage the $. Is this not trusting God, or just being prudent? Someone has to be the adult. If it were just us that is one thing, but my son needs to eat. I just can't see how losing everything and going into debt is helpful.
-- Edited by blessed on Monday 30th of June 2014 05:52:56 PM
Oh my blessed .. for me this is a very personal answer and to each person it means something different. He's not trustworthy .. he's given you reasons not to trust him. I would trust my intuition .. is there a way that you can sit down with him and set a budget so he sees what is going on .. he can have money for his free spending as that is important in any relationship .. I don't agree with access to the accounts based upon what I have been through .. I think you are smart to follow your intuition and just keep praying about it. Just because we are married to them .. it doesn't mean trust is automatic we aren't dealing with healthy people here. You need a place to live .. you need a way to feed the family and he's not being responsible in that regard. Maybe working with the counselor on this issue would be a good thing.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Trust God...Clean House and then Help others. When I learned the trust God part of the relationship I also learned not to turn the work over to God...that was my responsibility including all of the awareness I had. Trusting God to abide with me is what I do so that I will know that I am loved unconditionally and blessed 24/7. My 24/7 meditation is "God is" and really God is always where I am at. I get the consequences of my choices and the consequence get better when my will matches God's will.
What is God's will for me...for me God's will is to love God with my whole mind, heart and spirit and my neighbor as myself. When I love myself unconditionally I get to know what giving and receiving love is really like and I decide to duplicate that with others. Additionally I learned at a young age and accepted that the name of God is Love...so guess what? Getting to play God is God's will huh?
Second guessing is really crazy stuff for me. I was taught in program to make a decision and then follow thru and if I needed to progress into better outcomes I could make better decisions and follow thru.
My alcoholic/addict use to do things with money that could make me gasp and I still do that years later when I remember them. Work the steps always... live them daily. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
Would you consider that perhaps God speaks to you through your intuition? Maybe the more we surrender, the more we hear that intuition..and turning our will over to the care of God is agreeing to follow the guidance via our intuition. After we hear and know the guidance, then we need to do our part and take the right action. It sounds to me as though you have heard your intuition by taking the best action and not providing passwords. You and your child could end up homeless.
So, I am torn over whether I am not letting go, or I am being wise. You can let go AND be wise.
Our program work helps us develop clarity. Sounds to me as if you have it when it comes to the finances. In my experience, my HP does for me what I cannot do for myself. I can say no to giving the password to a person if they have shown me they mismanage the account which I believe - as PP has said is wise. If I'm afraid they might mismanage the account when they've shown me nothing that indicates they would do that, then prayers for guidance and help letting go of my fear or need to control might be something I'd choose to do.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 30th of June 2014 06:52:32 PM
My take is I wouldn't let my SO take control of the finances or we would be in the poor house. There are just some things that I have to control until I know he will grow up and take responsibility . He has access to whatever in the checking account if he wants it. He just doesn't realize it so why in this world would I let him take over. I let him know what go's out and what comes in and why he has to curb his spending on Amazon. I told him if he doesn't like it then separate the money and give me his portion of the bills. He stops complaining when he thinks he has to open a checking account and try to balance it.
(((( hugs )))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Blessed please be gentle with yourself. I am sorry you were so distressed today but just remember the Steps were written in order and you are only just beginning. .Step 3 states Made a decision to turn our will over . It does no say turned my will over Big difference
I had to learn how to turn my will and life over to this God of my understanding. As far as I am concerned I did not have a clue how to do this when I made this decision in Step 3 My sponsor suggested that I had I turned my will over by being willing to attend meetings, and continue working the rest of the Steps so I could achieve a true Spiritual awakening. I had to then move on to Step 4.
This is all a process and we cannot jump ahead to the end of the Steps and have the courage, serenity and wisdom that comes with working the program one day at a time.
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Blessed, this sounds like progress to me, looking at ourselves in a different way, being humble, asking is my way the right way? wow, you are a fast worker. I like the slogans, easy does it. You dont need to get it right every time, your willing and thats enough at this stage. Say no, if you doubt, just say it nicely,lol. Keep on, its a process.x
I told him if he doesn't like it then separate the money and give me his portion of the bills. He stops complaining when he thinks he has to open a checking account and try to balance it.