The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have to make a decision about a part time job I currently have at a woman's consignment clothing store and I am so torn. I enjoy this job, I like the customers, I get to shop while I work, I sing to the music and I get to enjoy the pretty clothes. Many of you may recall, I encountered a young man this past winter at this job whose intention, I believe, was to rob the store. Thankfully, there was a woman who stayed with me until he left and nothing happened...but I was really shaken. I declared I would not work alone, well, I got lax in the boundaries I had set. He came into the store a few days ago and I was working alone. There were two women in the store, I asked them to stay with me until he left. He sat down and seemed to be waiting,but, again, left after a short while. One of the woman told me her stomach began to hurt as soon as he walked in, which validated my gut. The store is owned by a friend of mine and she is wanting a schedule of when I can work next week. Tomorrow, I need to tell her I am frightened to work at the store. i wanted to post here so I could verbalize ( or writilize) what I was feeling. I have not admitted I am scared. Scared is a feeling that I don't acknowledge easily...I am scared. Now, I will sleep on this and talk with her tomorrow. Thanks for listening.
Paula, I remember the frightening event from last year. I know you enjoy this position, so I will pray that HP guides your words, so that of the shop owner and you will be able to reach a solution that will assure you of your protection and peace of mind without having to walk away.
Sister...you remind me of the posted sign "we reserve the right to refuse service to anyone". You are not alone as you have told...you get others around you and end up safe. I am a huge 911 believer and that is a tool for me not only if I suspicion a wrong doing in process and also if I suspicion a person needing more help than I can provide. 911 works and you love your job which is a good thing. Let the owner in on the information and plan solutions. Like it better when you're....we're happy. ((((hugs))))
Thank you for sharing about this with us. I remember when you posted about that incident and we were so relieved that you were ok. I'm sorry you were frightened again today. I think you have good reason to be. I know you're disappointed about giving up a job you enjoy. For me, it would go beyond the security at the store. I would have concerns that I was being targeted and someone would have to walk me to my car each day for me to feel comfortable. Please take care. (((hugs)) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
I would be afraid, too, Paula, because he is a man with a dark intention from what you have described. The thing that troubles me is that although you think "robbery," that may not be his intent at all. It may be something else. Wasp spray shoots a steady stream for 20'. I have a can of that in my office and I trust my intuition and don't let people in when I feel that fear that says "Wake up." I know you will come to a decision that is right for you and I will be praying that nothing blocks you hearing clearly what your HP says is the most loving thing you can do for yourself in this situation. (((PP)))
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 30th of June 2014 05:51:13 AM
I agree with jerry, phone tbe police, this guy could be getting a sick buzz out of stealing power from women. Speaking to your boss and speaking your truth is a great idea, hopefully she makes the changes needed to allow you to cintinue in your job without feeling this way.x
I'm sorry that has happened again. I wonder if there is a solution that works for you, the shop owner and the wider community - since this nasty person is probably upsetting others as well. For that reason alone I think that talking to the police is a good idea, they might even know who it is. Sending safe ((((hugs)))).
Thank you all for your responses, they helped me to see the potentially bigger picture which does go beyond robbery. I woke up at 4 am with this on my mind and feeling like I could vomit. I knew my gut was speaking to me. There are no good practices that could be put into place in the store for me to feel safe, so I will leave.
I made the call. She was surprised and offered a brief apology. In the past I depended on others to help me feel safe, and, although others can contribute to me not feeling safe, it is up to me to take the best action on my behalf. She took no action the first time it happened, actually second guessed me and I got lax. So, although I feel sad, there is some peace and freedom. I often say, I look forward to the "what's next?"
In your heart you did the right thing. You need to feel safe in a job no matter what. If you enjoyed the work so much there just might be another one like it. HP will show you the way.
(((( BIG HUGS ))))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Thank you Cathy, even though it is hard, I know I did the right thing. I can't see the bigger picture; I do know, though, I was being guided to leave and that is good enough for me. It just took HP using scare tactics to pry me loose. I am like a darn barnacle sometimes.
I think you did the right thing. I always go with my gut feelings. It may not have been money he was after, but who wants to wait around and find out. You feeling safe and secure is much more important than anything else. Take care.
I'm sorry for the loss of your job that you were enjoying but I'm glad to hear that you've looked at it honestly and for the decision you made. It easy to see how you came to this choice from what you wrote in your third post. Although I've never met you, I care about you and am glad you took care of yourself. (((hugs)) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
I'm glad you left - especially given how sick you felt. If the boss did nothing - you were too vulnerable. I am sooooooooo glad you listened to your gut and did what you could to protect yourself. I was very concerned for you.
I like that, "What's next?" saying, Paula. Sending you hugs and lots of loving support today! I worked in retail management for a while and we never had just one person in the store due to safety issues. I keep pepper spray in my purse because of issues like what you described. You never know what people's intentions are and being prepared, if you can, helps ease some of the fear. HUGS!
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Yes, A, it would be best to have two people in the store. NL , a security guard is also a good option. This is one of those situations where I applied the 3 c's and acted on my behalf. I stay in recovery so I can continue to make the best choices for my life, regardless of other's choices. I am no longer working at the store, but I told her I will continue helping her with her estate sales. I helped her today and all was well. Thank you all for giving me the space to process this and for your thoughtful responses. I really do look forward to reading your esh.
I think you did the right thing.
I am very disappointed in your friend who owns the store. How could she be so uncaring? We all felt your fear the first time and were very concerned. Not one person here second-guessed you, which says to me that she puts profit above people.
Something just as good or better will come along. You are right to protect yourse.
The last place we lived, we had this really nice man who took care of our yard. One day he asked if he could use our bathroom, and I said yes. But I felt very leery and I took my purse and walked out the door and left in my car. Left him in my house with everything. Later, when he was back outside, and I came home, he said "You ran away." I said "I felt uncomfortable, so I left." I thought it was telling that he didn't say, "You left." He said, "You ran away." Damn' straight. I will leave any place I feel unsafe for whatever reason and I don't care how odd it might look.
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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
