I am scared - Al-Anon Family Group

robind78 · Member

I am scared

Luiza · Senior Member

It must be such a difficult situation, I am sorry that your family is going through this.

I don't have a lot of ESH, have just started my journey with Al-Anon, but I do hope and pray that your daughter will find the way of recovery soon.

Hugs.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

It is hard to be the parent in this, very hard. We have trouble remembering certain things.

Remember they lie, they manipulate especially when they need dope. For all you know BF is out of heroin or who knows. They have to buy more as their bodies develop tolerance for the drugs.

We have no idea what the truth is. Remember they can walk into any pain clinic to get help. Also if she is working they can find or sign up for low income housing or share with someone, or even rent one room. They have options, they need to find them if they choose to live like this.

I know when I am down and the thought of what could be going on I cannot even remember to say the serenity prayer! So our friends here remind me.

I am sure nothing has changed, they have to scrape for drugs all the time. maybe they shared theirs who knows!

Once we give them anything the disease knows it has us. You are doing the right thing by saying no to the disease. you are not saying no to your daughter. If she called and said I want to go to rehab, you would say good, go for it.

that would be her talking.

As far as the phone, she will lose her way to contact drug dealers, so that enabling will stop. Believe me if she wants to contact you she can find others who have phones. There are phones available to no to low income for free thru the government.

its hard to let go, but sometimes it is a blessing to completely let go and live your own life. To hear her crying and begging will certainly bring you so down and the stress can kill you!

Trust HP to take care of her. That is the best thing to do. Picture her in his hands. sending you love and hope!!!

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

I know how your feeling right now. I too watched my son go down downhill after 4 years of enabling him. It wasn't easy and I hurt inside very much but I had to do it for my sanity and his life. When the day finally came that he was going to be homeless his father stepped in. It was crushing but also deep inside some relief...but I knew it wasn't going to last. His father wasn't at the point I was and he thought he could help his son. 4 months later it ended. His father gave up and kicked him out drunk. My son was in his car driving. My heart sank. I could have called him and told him to just stay there and I would come and get him but I didn't. I prayed he would be picked up before he killed somebody or himself. 15 minutes from his fathers home God answered my prayers. He was stopped for a 3rd DUI and is now safe in prison for 2 years.

It hurt but I know in my heart that is what needed to happen to save his life even for a little while. I have come a long way in my recovery and I work very hard everyday to listen and learn so my courage and strength becomes stronger. I'm learning a lot about myself, my assets, my defects, my likes and dislikes. I'm learning to be a more caring person and learning to let go of things I can't control. I have learned I can only control myself and that gives me peace of mind I don't have to fix everything.

I love my son dearly and pray for him everyday in hopes someday I will have him back. That life can be better for him. No matter what happens I can be happy if I choose it. I don't have to down the path of destruction. I have choices.

It wasn't easy but one of the best complete sentences I learned was. "NO" This one word sentence is the best thing I can give my son for him to grow up and learn to live his own life.

((( hugs ))

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

One of my greatest fears with my son is that I would lose all contact with him. That may happen. It may not. All I know is that today, I have not heard from him, and I am fine. I also know that my son's HP is with him and doesn't need my help. The outcome of my son's choices may not be what I want, but my HP will give me what I need as S/He has done today to make the best of me and of my day. The other greatest fear was that my son could not take care of himself. He is almost 39 years old. He's been through awful things. He's still alive as far as I know. He is very resourceful and again I know that there is nowhere he can go or be that his HP isn't with him to love him and to guide him and to provide for him what he can't provide for himself. I trust that because that is exactly what has happened for many years. He could die. That's my third greatest fear. And there is nothing I can do to prevent it when or if it happens. What I can do is trust that my HP will be there to do for me what I cannot do for myself and give me what I need to deal with life on life's terms. I can also focus on myself, stay in the day, and work my program for me. If I try to do anything else, I end up in a morose puddle and totally unable to function.

I've been there. I'm still going through it. But, Alanon, MIP and the love of my HP for me has been a great help to me. I know it can all be a big help for you, too, if you keep an open mind and keep sharing honestly as you are. (((Robin))) This sure isn't a journey we can travel alone. I'm glad you're here.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

((((Robind)))) what really helped me was coming to understand the difference between enabling and helping. Learning that brought me to being fair, honest and just with my alcoholic/addict and allow her the mercy and margin for getting her needs met without my interference not matter how I wanted to justify my interference. "If they have the time, the ability and the facility to get their needs met and I jump in and take over....I am enabling (the problem to continue and or get worse). If they lack any one of those three tools....and....they ask me for help or agree to an offer for help...that is helping after I understand I am able". That stopped me from reacting and just jumping in motivated by fear or pride and ego. It is sooooo important not to enable the disease to get worse and it is even more important to understand that I don't often know what I am doing and the consequences of it. That is why I bless Al-Anon and my HP with gratitude. Keep coming back (((((hugs))))) smile

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