The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My A has always been the kind of man that would not go to the dentist or doctor, etc, I was always reminding, begging, nagging, until one day I just said, "if you want your teeth to fall out, fine. I am done." Actually, a friend of mine said, "I stopped doing that and I just make sure the life ins. policy is up to date." Ouch! But, I understood what she was saying. And I stopped telling him to go to the eye doctor, etc. He took a few years off, and eventually went to a few checks ups when they sent the reminder cards, weeks or months later. I work for a wellness doctor and he went there and went through all the evaluations, but never followed through w/ the "plan". So, a bunch of $$$ for nothing. He actually said, "you asked me to go to the doctor, and I went."
And as his A has progressed, I have sought out counsel, which he reluctably attended. But, with the help and tools from AlAnon, I am too giving that up.
We go to a recovery group at a local church, and have for 6 months. He sits far from me at the mtg and doeesn't talk to me on the driver there or back. He does not "work the program" and tells them he is sober, but is not. I am not an addict, but do the studies, which are biblical based so I do get something out of it. However, I am going to stop attending after my saying good bye to my group leader this week. He will probably stop as well, but that is not my issue any longer. He has to want to get well and ask for help just as when you are sick and go to the doctor and follow his instruction.
So, it is so good to be released from this. The night of the recovery meeting is an AlAnon mtg. so I am going there instead. :)
I have also begged and pleaded with my SO to seek out a doctor because of his problems. Well I finally let go and stopped. He got so sick he finally decided he need help. He is now on insulin and diet. He now is on blood pressure meds and medication for his anger.
Now when the next tooth go's bad and he's down for the count maybe he will get to a dentist. His teeth are falling out....
Al-anon has given me the tools to stop my control one day at a time.
(((( hugs ))))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Wow I can relate you your situation! My A is at a llife-threatening weight, goes to O.A., and does no work on recovery. My A still drinks, and as a result lies, and can also go off on a lotto frenzy and blow hundreds of dollars to win $10. I've done begging, pleading, crying, suggestions, given meeting lists, professionals names and phone numbers, articles (also has sleep apnea and gasps for breath all night), gotten angry, etc. All did NOTHING, and like yourself, I am now done. I'm taking care of me, and good for you! Lyne
Heres (((Hugs)) to you. You cannot control another person no matter what they are doing to themselves and how much you love them. Wonderful step in taking care of yourself - keep it up. I'm going to follow your example and continue with Alanon. It's encouraging to see that others are doing what I need to do.
