The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. I need help in all three areas, I continually try to change my husbands drinking behavior - when I know that is something I can never do. I cannot change him, I cannot change him. I would like my higher power to provide me with the courage to move forward and stop my self-pitying behavior and to take care of myself, to curb my enabling behaviors, and find contentment and peace. This journey of Al-anon is wonderful and hard at the same time. I'm a person who likes to bury my head in the sand (or in a pillow for a long nap) and ignore what is happening around me. So taking out these emotions and feelings and looking at them, analyzing them is a struggle and can be emotionally upsetting for me. But I will keep coming back as everyone here is so awesome.
I was told early on that Al-Anon is a simple program for complicated people. Yeppers that was me. I understand where you are at right now. Al-Anon is about changing habits also. They have the habit of drinking and using and I have the habit of enabling. When what you're doing is causing you problems...my sponsor told me...Do the opposite and get the opposite consequence. That one works tons. Learning to focus on my solutions (I was the problem) got me out of her face and disease and moved me into my own recovery very well. That is what I needed. Keep self focus...you'll get there whether he does or not. ((((hugs))))
((SL))
Your honesty and clarity are fantastic recovery tools that will serve you well as you continue to grow and change. Coming out of "Denial" is a process Be very gentle with yourself you are doing fine.
I am just like you are describing. I am slow to get this change in thinking. I treasure any progress. Today I am grateful for my understanding. Keep posting - you working it out helps us work it out.
Sounds to me as if you are gaining strength and keeping your head off the pillow. That's progress to me. You're not just saying the prayer, you're working to live it.
Just had to say it's from the encouragement and wisdom of the people I met at this website. I realize I am not alone in my situation and am grateful to listen to other's journey's through the mess of alcohol. This prayer helped me today = helped me get through work without concentrating on other's people's problems (staying to my side of the street). And also at home this evening. I'm trying to let others live their own lives and follow their own paths, and to learn what is my path. I am much more aware of my actions and behaviors now. And am going to say the same prayer tomorrow to help me through the day.
Blessed - It's not that they love alcohol more that you. Alcoholics are busted people who are convinced that they can have you AND the alcohol together. Also the alcohol tells them that you are crazy because alcohol helps them to deal with you and love you and not be angry and to relax and that makes them a BETTER husband if only you would see that. They are twisted. The disease is twisted. I hear you making assumptions (which are common ones to someone coming into Alanon) about alcoholism that devalue yourself. My guess is that he probably loves you as much as a sick alcoholics can love which is not much as the disease progresses. Alcohol diminishes the capacity to love in a mature way. It's a tragic disease but not one where the person is choosing booze over you. Nobody wakes up and goes "Let's see...What can I do to ruin my life slowly and insidiously? What could I do to erode my marriage, health, and livelihood today?" It is insidious and it sneaks up on the alcoholic and takes them. It claims the person you love and it is truly tragic because you often don't get them back...and even if they get in recovery, it's still different (albeit improved usually). Sometimes viewing it as a tragic disease rather than a set of choices aimed right at you allows you to detach and focus on your self care better.
I was told early on that Al-Anon is a simple program for complicated people. Yeppers that was me. I understand where you are at right now. Al-Anon is about changing habits also. They have the habit of drinking and using and I have the habit of enabling. When what you're doing is causing you problems...my sponsor told me...Do the opposite and get the opposite consequence. That one works tons. Learning to focus on my solutions (I was the problem) got me out of her face and disease and moved me into my own recovery very well. That is what I needed. Keep self focus...you'll get there whether he does or not. ((((hugs))))
I love the idea of doing the opposite and getting different results. What a great idea! I am going to practice that one. I'm going to write down the things that are my habits or triggers and try to do the opposite. Thanks for the wonderful advice.
This is a beautiful prayer of surrender and awareness. I also hear a commitment to your recovery and gratitude. Big hug...and I don't see you as a slow learner.
Your posts are inspiring. You are taking care of yourself, looking at your situation, doing what you can and accepting what you cannot change. Strong work that helps all of us.
I have noticed since I haven't been living w my A for about a year now, that life is peaceful for sure but I have to watch carefully for my old habits in new situations. We're all learning--thank you for posting.
Blessed - It's not that they love alcohol more that you. Alcoholics are busted people who are convinced that they can have you AND the alcohol together. Also the alcohol tells them that you are crazy because alcohol helps them to deal with you and love you and not be angry and to relax and that makes them a BETTER husband if only you would see that. They are twisted. The disease is twisted. I hear you making assumptions (which are common ones to someone coming into Alanon) about alcoholism that devalue yourself. My guess is that he probably loves you as much as a sick alcoholics can love which is not much as the disease progresses. Alcohol diminishes the capacity to love in a mature way. It's a tragic disease but not one where the person is choosing booze over you. Nobody wakes up and goes "Let's see...What can I do to ruin my life slowly and insidiously? What could I do to erode my marriage, health, and livelihood today?" It is insidious and it sneaks up on the alcoholic and takes them. It claims the person you love and it is truly tragic because you often don't get them back...and even if they get in recovery, it's still different (albeit improved usually). Sometimes viewing it as a tragic disease rather than a set of choices aimed right at you allows you to detach and focus on your self care better.
Thank you for the wonderful eye-opener. You're right, alcoholism is a disease that takes people away from their loved ones. I have forgiven my father who died from alcoholism, but can't seem to forgive my AH. Maybe it's because living with him brings up my past and I have to relive it everyday. That makes me bitter and angry. I didn't want that to happen to me. But it did and I have to learn to cope with it, and to take care of myself. Alcoholism is a slow wasting disease and it's very hard to watch someone slowly deteriorate over the years because of it. My AH no longer remembers what he talks about most evenings after 6 pm. I've learned not to discuss anything important with him after this time. On the weekends its after 1 pm. I no longer attend many social functions or vacations with him as he gets so drunk and sarcastic. This has made me bitter and self-righteous and depressed. When he is drinking he does not eat, just smokes continuously and looks older than his years. He is continually getting the flu or chest colds. This is really hard to watch because when he's sober he's smart and kind. I am finding that through Alanon I have been better able to cope. I know that there is someone out there that can relate to my situation. I am not alone in this battle. I am making baby steps progressing to a different way of thinking. The most helpful is when I sit back and analyze my feelings at the time. I realize that I take on too much responsibility or feel guilty about not doing everything. Then I do nothing but sit or sleep (lol) - I would make a good ostrich - head in the sand. But I am going to move forward!
I could never stop looking, begging and pleading until Al-anon came along. I thought I was a slow learner at first. It took me 4 years until MIP and Al-anon. I remember telling me son ALL THE TIME not to drink and drive, not to keep alcohol in his car, would try to protect him. I finally stopped my actions. In time he found out what his actions have done for him. Two years in prison. It's sad but I had to let go and Let HP take over. I now ask God to protect and help me through the pain and heartbreak and help me to understand my part in all this.
I can use the slogans " If in doubt don't" or " Check you motives " and the big one below in my signature.
((( hugs )))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
