Arrogant Alanoner - Al-Anon Family Group

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Arrogant Alanoner

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

I think it's really important to remember that my way is not the only way as well .. just because I think something is right or works for me .. doesn't mean it will work for someone else. No one's path to recovery is a straight line and keeping an open mind is being teachable .. I certainly do not have a corner market on what works for others ... I only know what works and doesn't work for me.

Hugs S :)

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Al anon has helped me to grow so I can do well with ones outside our fellowship!

Also my growth has made it so I don't care if I make mistakes, drive to slow when I go somewhere new, or just unafraid of being ignorant and asking so I know something.

If I see peoples phoniness or manipulations, or whatever, now I know how to respond or not. I have learned I can choose my reactions, I can detach and not take things personal. If drama comes, I can choose to walk away.

Maybe things I have learned and grown into makes me a better person, at least to me anyway.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

I am still surrendering....today my mantra was "God hover over me" and it was my reminder to see through the gaze of God, which is loving, accepting, patient and non judging. This might take a lot of time.....

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

LC I believe you have had a huge awareness and I salute you. I agree, I do believe that HP show us our "shortcomings" in action so we can see how unproductive they are and be willing to let the go.

I found that working the 12 th Step and "practicing these principles in all our affairs "worked best for me. I no longer had to give advice, show people how to do it. I could simply stop judging, critiquing, analyzing others and treat them instead with courtesy, kindness, respect and empathy as I continued to validate myself.

That worked for me.
Great Thread

Truth · ~*Service Worker*~

I remember when I had this come into my awareness. It happened in both the Al-anon setting and a work setting at the same time. It actually was so relieving. I still slip every once in awhile. I am human. I make a judgement call that may be out of line. I find that when I start criticizing or judging. I have reached a limit and I am not understanding my own boundaries. I have a really low tolerance for poor behavior in adults. I think I judge me the harshest for having the limit. Then it takes me a little while to accept that I have the limit in the first place. (This is where I think my defense mechanism of optimism comes in.) I really liked this post it is helping learn about myself as I type it.

Green Eyes · ~*Service Worker*~

Great share- thank you!

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks, ilove this program for letting you see your defects then being able to admit them, saying them out loud is huge for me, it helps me own them and take responsibility for them, love alanon.x

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

I see what your saying truth, I think this is me also, im going to give that more thought.x

Katy · ~*Service Worker*~

Good morning El-cee,

This post made me smile, I remember when I first began to be aware of my own arrogance, which I now like to think of as my grey areas, before alanon my thinking was very black or white with nothing else either side of that, so I used to feel pretty crappie most of the time, because as silly as it seems looking back now that was the only way I knew how to think, jeez it took me an age to get my head around grey areas, I was frightened of them, and now with practice I love them to pieces, the grey areas are the things I can look upon and think it is what it is, and I haven't got to hurt my head trying to make them into anything else to fix it, pheweeeeeeeeeeee, that takes the pressure off me, I am still arrogant though, because I love what I am learning here, every now and then I but heads with a person that I think needs some kind of programme,and their attitudes scream out at me,then I want to tell them you catch more bees with honey, but I have to check myself and remember it's not my place, and I know it suits me better now to just practice not preach, love your smilie m & m xxx

Katy

x

Katy · ~*Service Worker*~

WELL blow me down with a feather!

My Horoscope for today! Taurus

Stretching out in someone's doorway and refusing to leave until they agree you're right is always an option, and so is holding your breath until you turn blue. Another classic is the silent treatment, of course. All of these extreme tactics from your childhood are tempting, but they're not very effective and are likely to be counterproductive. For now, you need to agree to disagree!

I am always being reminded from whence I came,

but better still how far I have come yyyyyyyyyyyyyay xxxxxxxxxxxxx

katy

x

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Very nice shares Great ESH

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks everyone, katie, is he an m and m? I thought he was mr. Happy from mister men, lol

Kelly123 · Veteran Member

Your arrogance is better than my arrogance because I've been in denial thinking I don't need Al Anon. At least you've done the work. What you said about different generations and coping skills struck a chord with me. I recently tried to tell my MIL about what I'm dealing with in terms of her alcoholic son. She sent me an email 2 days after our conversation suggesting the alcohol smell may be due to the asparagus we ate for dinner the other night. I was so angry when I read her email. Silently in my mind I instantly accused her of being in denial but I think I've got one finger pointed at her when the other four are pointed at myself. I thought to myself aha !!! SHE is the real problem here ! THe apple doesn't fall too far from the tree

Still I've never heard such a silly thing. Asparagus? Really!? A hasn't even used that one before.

Tragic things have happened to her in her life, and it is clear now that denial was a coping mechanism for her.

I am inching toward accepting I need to go back to a meeting , one step at a time I suppose. I can't blame MIL but I want to blame someone.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

You Al-Anon Ladies Rock!! This is a "rock it science" lesson and El-Cee lit the fuse. Mahalo for the shares really. 4th stepping continues and while some in recovery have thought that you do one and get it all in the one you do my self awareness has come from doing the "searching...fearless...part over and over as necessary in order that I get to know that one person I have lived my entire life with and never knew anything about...Me!! For me arrogance is ego based...narcissistic, look into the pool and only see me until Al-Anon and learning to see in the reflection the good and bad and ugly and then accept it all. After acceptance I can change the things I can.

My sponsor kept me able to look over and over with the definition of humility as "being teachable" and I get that so clearly in this post...WOW!! the willingness to be teachable is right here. And then the acronym for EGO....Easing God Out and then the Opposite of that Acronym, OGE...Offering God Entry.

Arrogance?? I could have gotten a doctorate in that behavior and honestly it is one of those behaviors and emotions that kill from the inside out. Arrogance in the face of Alcoholism can be a prelude to suicide and that's for me cause I kept up the hand to hand combat with it until I realized I was killing myself.

Let me give you a question my sponsor asked me during that period of time when I thought that the only source of wisdom was centered in me.

COULD YOU BE WRONG?? I dare not answer that question the way my arrogance wanted to...I shut up and screamed within myself...YES...and I was done.

My sponsor always hoped for me to stay "teachable" and he must be smiling if not laughing out loud right now with a satisfied YEEESSSSS.

You're winning El-Cee and I'm grateful you brought it here to let the rest of the ladies help it grow. (((((hugs))))) smile

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

This was such a supportive post that I wanted to carry it throughout my day. It is for me the foundation of growth in Al-Anon and AA. Discovering those things about me which keep me sick; the things I know outright and those that hide beneath my consciousness. It was raining when I left the post so I decided to not attend to one of my customers property while it was raining. Trying to mow, trim, etc lawns and stuff doesn't make it for me in the rain besides wet clothes is also bothersome and so I decided to attend the morning open AA meeting before going to get supplies for another job and while I was waiting for the meeting to get underway I was asked to be the "speaker". I thought about this post and the subject matter before I replied and also my 3rds step prayer which at the request of my HP has been shortened to "Place me where you want me...tell me what to do". I ran the request thru the filter of that prayer and agreed to speak. I agreed with my self to keep it within 15 minutes and agreed with my HP that what HP wanted me to do was present this subject. I don't mention names nor do I mention where I got it...anonymity is the spiritual foundation...So then I did..put the subject out on arrogance and ego and pride and self centeredness and what it had to do with stalling my recovery and how about when I got here I didn't know and didn't know that I didn't know and was too sick to make anything up...I was done. I spoke about other emotions attached to my arrogance such as anger and resentment and how they played out in getting me sick and keeping me there. When 15 minutes (actually much more since I started this at home with you gals) I suggested that the topic be continued by the old timers first before the new comers jumped in. That was just a suggestion (from my HP) and the power of the ESH was huge!! It is still working for me now and I will need the lessons again in 2 and half hours as I go to participate in a National Sovereignty push with the US Department of the Interior who is and has been here wanting us to agree to being an Indian tribe for them. The problem is 121 years old...chances are I am not the most handsome duck in the lake that I will convince them to go home and leave the keys to the house on the door step. Mahalo for your support. (((((hugs))))) smile

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi jerry, thanks for your reply. This was an old post that was brought back to life, maybe thats why it didnt get recent replys. Thank you so much for your understanding and support, it can be risky to put your shortcomings out there into the world. For me its so important, sharing it helps to own it, make it mean something and then it kind of makes you responsible for trying to do something about it. I can now say, I might be wrong, I am wrong, I have been wrong. That would stick in my throat before. Ive realised its all tied in with perfectionism, its amazing that you can have low self esteem and yet strive for perfectionism and believe you cant be wrong, im coming to understand its all part of the same shortcoming. My shortcomings are part of the same story, when I recognise 1 before you know it I see another 3.lol. its liberating though, to say them out loud feels like getting closer to freedom from them.

Im glad it inspired your share at your meeting, ive done that before too, it can be tricky talking about mip, I just say, an alanon friend was talking about...... to keep the anonymity of people and myself on this forum. Im very tempted to talk about people ive got to know well, not any personal stuff, just funny or interesting stories, but i try to remember principles above personalities. I wouldnt mind anything I share to be shared further, I mean thats what its all about, sharing this message and sharing the learning, passing it on.

I hope your meeting went well jerry and your people are being treated with respect, thats another funny word for me that is new to my vocabulary, respect. I will say a prayer for you and the people of your volcanic islands.x

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

You bring up an interesting point. I'm very grateful for this program and the positive changes and growth within myself. I realize my zeal concerning others finding the program and working it isn't only about them possibly receiving gifts of the program. A lot of it is about the expectation of them being easier to be around with recovery which is self serving on my part. Also.. am I basing this on how easy I am to be around? LOL Am I ALWAYS easy to be with? NOT!!

I have a lot of trouble with people who think that their religion is the ONLY religion and those who don't practice that religion are just not quite as good as they are. Isn't it self righteous then for me to attribute someone's behavior due to not having Alanon recovery? So... I guess I'm going to have to stop "discussing" them with people in recovery and saying "Well, you know they're not in recovery." I sure am gonna miss saying that. wink It made me feel so cured. lol

Thanks for a great topic and reminder to mind my own behavior and keep humble! Hp isn't done with me yet! TT

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