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I have a question about a meeting i attend. One person there always Speaks for 15 minutes and i feel it comes from a place of ego. I get Very impatient with her. She tells her story but in the process is trying To educate us. Does every group have someone like this? She is the Same person that raises h if there is any cross talk. We dont have Time limits and meeting is 1 1/2 hours. Last time she did it i read A forum to keep my impatience down. I never learn anything from Her share. Maybe it me and i should meditate or pray when she educates Me.
Mirandac I too attend a meeting where there is no timed shares and we are all asked to be mindful of the time. One or two do go on and on usually, as you indicated, trying to impress everyone or repeating the same story each week. You can always ask for a" Business Meeting" and suggest timed shares or that" CP" be permitted to interrupt people who speak too long. In my meeting that was voted unacceptable
You are on the right track, but I believe reading a magazine while she shares may be destructive. I have found simply saying the serenity prayer over and over, closing my eyes and repeating "Live and Let Live" works I learned patience from this exercise and I do know that I have developed all my alanon tools in alanon meetings it is a great training ground
Thank you for the good advise. She usually runs the business meeting
And loves to call anyone on cross talking but finds her long winded
Talks as instructive to us.I really dont know what anyone else thinks
But they do get restless after awhile. She doesnt do it every time but often
Enough and i tense up and dont relax and i never seem to learn from
Her shares. I do from others, like i state it seems to come from her ego
Not esh. I will pray or meditate next time so i can relax and not tense
Up. I still dont share much but i learn alot from listening to others and
Really enjoy going to meetings.
What Karma said rings true for me .. I really go with keep an open mind .. plus then I wonder why is this particular person bugging the crap out of me so bad and .. usually .. it's something to do with me. They trigger me in terms of my own behavior, behavior I experienced from my mother things of that nature.
You have a right to call a group conscious and as a group you can limit the sharing time to no more than 5 min .. it depends on how big the group. I think some get tired of me talking .. LOL .. at the same time .. we are all there to share .. regardless if you get anything out of it .. maybe you can pray for her and for yourself during that time as well.
We are ALL at a different place in healing and some are further than others and some of us .. like me .. LOL .. I take a while to get to the point .. I always have a point and I feel like I do offer something .. maybe not every time .. there are times though.
Keep coming back, hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I think taking up 15 minutes is unacceptable to be honest. She could be taking up time another person, especially newcomers could need. We have group conscious meetings that may be the time to raise it, maybe not directing it directly to her but the group as a whole, or maybe an old timer could have a quiet word with the member. Learning to look after yourself in alanon can include speaking up but in a kind way. Keeping to the traditions and principles at meetings are important in my view for a healthy meeting. I like what hotrod suggest, thinking live and let live to help remove resentment.
Thank you all for your imput. For some reason it is allowed and there
Is no time limit. None of the big wigs say anything, she even instigated having
A big poster for no cross talk. I feel we lose new or newish members
With being so strict and calling them on no cross talk. My group can be
Intimating to newcomers. I understand keeping the purity but we do not
Have newcomers meeting in our area. There are alot of rules to learn
Especially when speaking.
Most newcomers are very quiet at first in my meetings, their shares at first are not alnon of course but there isnt much cross talking really, they are often invited to wait until the end and someone will talk to them. They quickly get the set up, some stay and some dont, I think thats more to do with not being ready.
I don't have much patience with this type of behavior from one person on an ongoing basis. There are times when people do need to speak for longer periods, that is more than fine with me. As I stated in an earlier post, I could not live with active addictions and keep my sanity and I cannot be around those who enjoy the sound of their own voice at the expense of others either in or out of al anon meetings. I have admired those from my meetings that can. Maybe there is something yet to be discovered about me, I don't know. Perhaps it is intolerance of others, a defect I have yet to remedy? Or perhaps it is just saying, this does not work for me and that is ok. I enjoy meetings where everyone respects the time limit, as it is understood that it gives everyone a chance to share.
Face to face meetings are hard for me to get to even though there are a lot where I live. I need morning meetings, because I go to bed early. I do four face to face meetings a week. One of them is on a friday. There is a 87 year old woman there, who god bless her, with some introspection I have come to find out she reminds me of my mom.
She interrupts a lot even during the opening. I find it a spiritual practice each week, doing my best to be patient with her. Once and a while I will speak up during business, and give a gentle reminder of no cross talk. I try to remember each member is doing their very best in every moment. God bless my first alanon meetings, when I came in, those ladies let me talk for the entire hour the first three weeks. I was truly out of my mind that first week.They helped me with solutions and how to start putting the principles to work right away. I'll never forget that, helps me stay humble and my ears open. I'm not a perfect human though, I still get irritated, but it all comes back to what is going on inside me, not only in alanon meetings but in my every day life. People are my mirrors :)
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I needed these behaviors in my past they helped me survive I'm finding new and better ways to not just survive but thrive
My sponsor lovingly refers to these types as our Al-Anon Sandpaper.
I try my best to first take a look at myself - why is this bothering me? How important is it? What do I need to see about myself in this?
The rest comes to a growth opportunity for me to speak up for myself and do it with love.
Because this would affect the group as a whole, you may want to pull out your traditions and concepts and read up on them and see how the behavior you're speaking of affects these, and how the changes you'd like to see also affect these.
I can only speak personally, but I feel much more comfortable if such things get said after a meeting rather than someone interrupting another person in the middle of their speech.
All in all, this sounds like it gets to be a great growing opportunity for both you and the member in question.
Well, to me, if there is no time limit, then isn't a person appropriate in that s/he is sharing without crosstalk? I do think the suggestion for a time limit at a group conscience meeting is a good idea and maybe do-able in your group? All the meetings I have attended have a limit to share. The problem in this situation to me has more to do with the structure and no time limit than the person sharing. I can understand getting tired of hearing the person speaking and yet its kind of a set up for folks to be criticized for sharing when there are no limits for share time. There are some people I've met who are born teachers and can't help themselves - they just have to teach no matter where they are. Limiting the length of time they teach might be helpful? Others I've met don't feel heard and overtalk in hopes somebody will hear them. And still others I've met are afraid of people getting close to them. I don't pity them and yet in some strange way, I understand them.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 23rd of June 2014 08:53:42 PM
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 23rd of June 2014 08:58:28 PM
