The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm an old acquaintance here. Love Alanon...and what it did for me years ago when I was in a long term relationship with a very active alcoholic.
Well...as it turns out. I left him...and stayed single for years. I then met a beautiful man...who as it turns out...was an A too. Go figure!!!
This man though is 10 years sober...and works a great program. We got married. Each of us with wonderful kids....ages 10-20...5 in all. Amazing though....I'm the one who is struggling. I have changed my life. No more wine dinners with friends...or margarita filled Mexican vacations. I wouldn't give my husband up for the world...but it is a big change.
I know many of you are in situations that are awful with active A's...I'm sorry if this offends you. I feel arrogant feeling like this. Just really confused.
What's to get offended over? There's challenges to being in relationships with alcoholics whether they are active or sober. Heck, there's challenges to relationships period. Being a "double winner" here, I fully get where you are coming from because I know being in a relationship with me is not all cake and icing.
There are some traits that alcoholics in recovery still tend to have, which is why we keep going to meetings and such and have sponsors and work on ourselves continuously.
Wine dinners and margarita filled Mexican vacations? Well - I often go to dinner with friends where they are drinking wine and celebrations where people are busting out margaritas. My partner doesn't like to get drunk and really not even tipsy even. BUT - if he did, that would be MY problem or issue to deal with if he was not an alcoholic.
I know my partner cut down on his drinking in the last several years from being with me. It happens. I also know he ended relationships with folks because they drank to much. Have you ever ended a relationship with someone cuz they drank too little? Not likely.
The meaning that we attribute to alcohol as a society is way too much...In your two examples I really only hear "Dinner with friends and Trips to Mexico" because those are what matters...not the wine or the margaritas. Alcohol is just a dumb beverage / intoxicant with the potential to be poison. It's not glamorous. I'm totally cool with people who can enjoy it in moderation, but I honestly do kind of think romanticizing it is pointless. Just my take.
Hello all, I am in a simular situation. I am a "normie" or social drinker with no addiction problems, although I grew up with both parents being alcoholics. I am also newly married (1 yr 7 months) to an addict/alcoholic who just celebrated 7 yrs in recovery. He is very dedicated to his recovery and also works as a recovery coach, interventionist, and wilderness therapy staff member. We don't have children together but he has a 17 yr old son from his last marriage who does not live with us. We have a great, loving and supportive marriage. Although is very rare that I do, my husband has no issue at all with me having a drink in his presence. His job takes him away from home every other week so if I want to have a wine date with a g/f of mine, then it's usually when he is gone that we do it. I feel uncomfortable drinking in front of him, for me it's a sign of respect and support, but he has expressed that its fine if I were to have a drink.
-- Edited by StrangerNStrangeland on Tuesday 24th of June 2014 05:10:52 PM
I see no arrogance here ;) your post shares hope :) I worried recently about sharing my life was going well recently. I asked a friend that has been in the program if I shouldn't share I was doing well and she said no. Other members want to hear about your serenity. I know I felt joy reading your post ;) hugs
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I needed these behaviors in my past they helped me survive I'm finding new and better ways to not just survive but thrive
