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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Dear Alanons.............
Post Info TOPIC: Dear Alanons.............
neshema2


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Dear Alanons.............
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Dear alanons

 

I am not going to try to name you all, because I would be so sad if I left one of you out. So I shall write globally to all of you.

 

I want to express my deepest thanks for those of you who helped me learn and grow and become the person that I am and the person I have hopes of being...

 

Even those of you who never post on me, but you give to others and I can read and learn that way b/c I do read as many posts as I can and the knowledge I have gained is invaluable..

 

Its been a few years for me..I started, oh I cannot even remember, but its been a few years and I remember coming in w/still a lot of anger...rage...and loads of grief. I was the one who was gonna fight her way to recovery b/c that is all I knew. Being softer-gentler, to me, in those days, meant weakness. Now I see it as the pendulum beginning to swing to the center. I can take care of me, set boundaries without having to use a cannon. However, as I slip and slide, I see the merits of practice practice and more practice.

 

Those of you who loved me and accepted me , screw ups and all, must have believed in me when I had no belief in myself. I still , at times, lessening, but still at times, I have to borrow your love b/c in my low points I have none for me. Today was kind of a breakthrough. Again, I give thanks for that.

 

Yea, I can come on like King Kong at the NY tower, LOL, but like one poster said earlier today....(paraphrasing) I get this real great blessing or gem of an idea and I just want to share it with the whole world to help and I thought yep, that is me for so many decades, I had no help, no hope, only despair and being put down so I know what it is like to not have any help at all so I try to help so that noone feels as alone and unwanted as I once did.

 

I don't stop and think that what might work for me is not workable/doable for another

 

My intent was right, but I am still learning to send with a good end result...

 

I am a work in progress...Well, lets say a total rebuild. People say I am no fake and no BS. Yes, that gets me into trouble b/c I cut to the chase and some like that. Some do not. I take that risk b/c I believe when good people do nothing, even if it is rough around the edges, darkness prevails. I know its all about principals over personalities, but in reality I AM a personality, trying to live within the principals and , yes, I am imperfect. Thank goodness, in a way, b/c I used to try to be perfect b/c to be otherwise brought me vicious attacks. It was a lose lose situation.

 

Now I can accept my imperfections and I can still love me and today was a big wowza moment for me in that through all this latest episode, I showed me LOVE. Accepted me and my imperfections and did not beat me up and wasn't even tempted to. I actually felt love and forgiveness for me.

 

I don't know it all. Far from it. I just think oh wow, this worked for me, I wanna share and so I do it hoping it comes out ok, but as I saw illustrated, my delivery is many times NOT ok. That makes me sad, but I learn in my sadness

 

Those of you who have stuck by me, warts and all, I love all of you and am eternally grateful for your love, support, wisdom, offerings, and accepting me as is. No returns. This is a new experience for me (being accepted as I am) and I still , after all these years am getting used to it

 

I am deeply saddened that I have with my sometimes over zealous sharing have caused folks to not want to participate on a board where I am. That is against traditions 1 and 2 of which I try to be respectful. So I guess a generic no names amend is in order. I notice that folks either embrace or avoid me, and I guess either way, I am someone they will remember. Hopefully with not too much antipathy.

 

I was so broken when I came here, still and I have grown and learned, but oh so much more to go. I could get disheartened by this, but I won't give up on me. I can't. To do so lets the darkness win.

 

I just am thinking on my computer here and thinking it is time to do a grateful list on the board, to give thanks to my supporters and yes, to my critics. All of you have had a positive impact on my life in that lessons are learned. No they (lessons) don't always taste very good, but neither does fish oil and it is very good for my good cholesterol

 

So with this said, it is past my bedtime and will go to bed tonight with a wiser mind, hopefully a softer heart and if I am real lucky some stuff I can recycle for the good to the ones who are out there and needing to be in 12 steps.

 

Sincerely and gratefully yours,

 

 

Neshema2 aka Rose



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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!! 
kismetstrand


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The journey is really wonderful, isn't it? And you do meet the nicest people along the way! Thanks for sharing. :D

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Let your light shine in the darkness.
"I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
el-cee


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When I was ready for recovery, nothing stopped me. Maybe these folks werent ready and maybe they will be In the future. If they stick around long enough they will see the neshema that we see. I love gratitude lists, its amazing how powerful they are.x

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DavidG


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smile You are a great person Rosie... it takes a big heart to write what you did...

           ...I count you as my friend, and I always shall... aww.



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Each Alanon member is my teacher.                                                                                                                  
hotrod


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Lovely ESH Neshema.
Keep coming back because YOU are worth it!!!!

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
PP


~*Service Worker*~

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You work your program and it shows.  I see insight, courage, strength, and an abundance of love for you and others.  The acceptance of you by you is inspiring.  I believe people not coming to the board because of one individual is their BS, in my opinion. I come here to grow, to have a sense of community, to be a witness for others and to be of service.  One person would not stop me..the beauty of this forum, is I can go NEXT.  i can ignore what I choose to ignore....it isn't so easy in a face to face meetingsmile

As an individual, I am progress, not perfection.  The same holds true for this forum....we, too, collectively, represent progress, not perfection.



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Paula
SerenityRUS


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Hugs Neshema,

Keep coming back :)

S :)

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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism.  If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown

"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
pinkchip


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You rock NESHEMA! So much I put your name in all caps hehe

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PP


~*Service Worker*~

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smilePC....we share the same kind of humor



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Paula
grateful2be


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Crying, Rose. I know this comes from the deepest part of you, sweet sister. The fact that you have survived is a miracle in itself to me. That little chick with the rifle to me is who you really are underneath all the warrior parts that you have needed or believed you have needed to survive. You are very vulnerable and very soft underneath all that "protection." It is your essence that I have loved and still love and will love, Rosie. Perhaps you are preparing or have already prepared to start dropping a few of the bullets from your holster, sister of mine? And what I see here is that you are not going to run away either. Stand tall, sister! Know that you are loved in your brokenness as all of us are and that you bring good stuff to us although sometimes it may be a little too forcefully? I can do the same - just differently than you. Blessings, Rosie. Even before you wrote this from your heart you were loved and you will also be loved and necessary and wanted here by me and from what I see by others who have posted at this thread. Be at peace. The past is gone. The future isn't here yet. Stand today in the sunshine of your being loved for you by the Power greater than any wound you received who carried you into this writing and into this day. (((Rosie)))

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
Cathyinaz


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(((((( hugs )))))


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 Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth

Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.

 
JayBird66


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I took to heart what ur comment on my post was, and am thankful u replied. Keep helping others because it does matter. It takes a STRONG and WONDERFUL person to be going thru their own BS and still taking time to try and help others. Great job on ur newest post..... and Ty for being (and staying) on here.



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John


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(((rose)))  I feel ya, hear ya and love ya!  



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" And what did we gain?  A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."

(Al-Anon's Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions,Step 3. pg 21)

big-bigger-faith-fear-god-Favim.com-288081.jpg

 

 
Debilyn


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Rose



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
DavidG


~*Service Worker*~

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grateful2be wrote:

 I know this comes from the deepest part of you, sweet sister. 

 Awesome, C. aww I feel exactly the same way... 



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Each Alanon member is my teacher.                                                                                                                  
bud


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((Rose))

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Mimi3


Senior Member

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Rose~

I have loved you from the moment I read my first post from you!!

You have an amazing story, you are a miracle to be here and I love how giving you are!!!

Your ESH is needed by so many, PLEASE DON'T EVER QUIT GIVING YOURSELF AWAY IN RECOVERY!!

You are a sweet blessing my friend and I love you!!!

Have a blessed day!!!

 

rose



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Cindy 
karma13


Senior Member

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Rose;) love you so much !!! Beautiful ;)

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I needed these behaviors in my past they helped me survive I'm finding new and better ways to not just survive but thrive 
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