The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I used to behave like a dog. Smelling AH, looking at bank account, calling him to encourage him to come home... In the beginning of my disease, I believed him when he said he did not drink. In the middle, I doubted him occasionally, towards the later part, I do not believe any of his words. The interesting part is I do not just doubt him but I was obsess with proving he was lying! between that and chasing him, I had no time for my kids and myself. Looking back, it is an issue of pride. I am right and he is wrong. Pride does go before a fall.
I was a victim as well as a victimizer.
-- Edited by sunshine23 on Saturday 21st of June 2014 09:45:28 PM
This certainly is a very powerful, cunning, and baffling disease. It affects everyone in contact. Alanon has patiently taught me that I do not need to be right, there doesn't need to be a right and wrong- but if something needs improvement there does need to be a solution. Acceptance and detachment with love are the first things I reach for to practice when I become aware that I'm tripping over my pride.
Sunshine That was indeed a wise observation. I do believe I can so identify, and when I examined my , thoughts and actions before alanon I found much the same destructive irrational behavior
Alanon gave me the tools to: Keep the focus on myself and my true responsibilities (children, job) live one day at a time, trusting a Higher Power and responding to life with courage, serenity and wisdom What a gift. Keep coming back
I got lost In that too. I could have got a job with mi5. I was a brilliant spy, I can see myself peeking out the window because hes gone to the shop and I know he will come back drunk and its only 9am and I know I should be making the kids breakfast and giving them my time but I need to watch for him I need to know. Then when he comes In I smell him, sometimes I knew by the way he opened the door, well I was even better than that I knew before he left the house. I woukd say , youve been drinking, he would say no ive not, and that would drive me nuts, I would hunt it down and I found all the hiding places, they were rubbish hiding places, then I would view hidden places in a weird way, I would be thinking thats a good hiding place, crazy. My kids never got all of me, my obsession got all of me. It went on for years and then of course my kids hit puberty and the lid flew off the pressure cooker, and it was hell, but it got me to where I am now, it ended it, im free now, thank goodness. I can get obsessed a bit like that with anything but im trying to live a healthy life now so hopefully my obsessions are not too harmful anymore. We do so much damage without even realising it, and we blame the a for it, but I think we must take our share of the blame in order to make progress. For me its the victim mentality that kept me in it for so long and im not a victim, I played the part but I always had choices.x