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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> He slowly went back to his old ways. What do I do now?!
Post Info TOPIC: He slowly went back to his old ways. What do I do now?!
Angel19


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He slowly went back to his old ways. What do I do now?!
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So my husband has been sober 1 year and 7 months and started drinking non alcoholic beer at the beginning of his recovery and recently one beer at a party. Well, tonight he seems to be back to his old ways. He went to the bar right after work and turned his phone off. What can I do . Should I leave him. I'm so tired of this! OR should I just let him be?



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Jerry F


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What I finally did was call the hotline number for the Al-Anon Family Groups and found out when their next face to face meeting was in my area.  That saved my mind and sanity and life and it still does it.  As you have already found out...you are powerless over him as a drinker and his drinking.  Get to the program as quickly as you can and learn about this life threatening disease which you did not cause, cannot control and will never be able to cure.  He isn't bad; he's sick and its taking you with it.  Continue to come her to the MIP family board.  Everyone here knows what's going on with you and him.  Here it is about you and not about him.    ((((hugs)))) smile



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el-cee


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Its your choice, some people here can just leave it, live seperate lives in a way. I couldnt, I was obsessed with his drinking, I couldnt take my eyes off him and what he was doing. I forgot to live my own life. Then I went to alanon and cut all the crazy ties I had. Im on my own and loving it. Alanon doesnt tell you what to do, that old stay or go dilemma, but it helps you see the reality of the situation and helps you make changes that improve your life with or without an alcoholic who will surely drag you down with them.

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neshema2


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el-cee wrote:

Its your choice, some people here can just leave it, live seperate lives in a way. I couldnt, I was obsessed with his drinking, I couldnt take my eyes off him and what he was doing. I forgot to live my own life. Then I went to alanon and cut all the crazy ties I had. Im on my own and loving it. Alanon doesnt tell you what to do, that old stay or go dilemma, but it helps you see the reality of the situation and helps you make changes that improve your life with or without an alcoholic who will surely drag you down with them.

 yep....i agree....we can't say  go or stay.....working my program showed me what I will live with...what i will not....life to me is just too short to hassle w/someone who does not want to help themselves....i have my life....my program..my work...my family and friends....i just don't have the energy to slog along w/someone who is an albatross around my neck.....it is sad, but we are obligated to take care of ourselves....do we go???  stay???  after a long enough time in alanon, we can make the best decisions for what is best for our lives......it is a personal choice....me??? I dont support staying w/ an alkie who is active, not in program....to me its a waste.....its like staying on the titanic......some of them get help and go all the way and prosper....some do not.....life is full of choices...some of them hard, but what is the best for me???  that is what i do......



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grateful2be


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I didn't leave, but I did find a way to move my spouse out of our home.  At first, I thought only in terms of separation. As I grew in confidence and self-knowledge, I knew I couldn't live with him and wouldn't go back to him and divorced him. I didn't regret it. On the other hand, if he hadn't been an abuser on top of being an A and gotten into solid recovery, I might have just remained separated from him until there had been sufficient time - maybe 2 to 5 years of solid recovery work myself and him. All of us have come to our own answers for whether or not to remain married to an active or sober A and Al-Anon helps us make choices we can live with when we enter the rooms of Al-Anon and work a solid program of recovery.



-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 21st of June 2014 05:05:26 AM

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
yanksfan51


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Welcome Angel--

I agree with all the post-ers before me.  Going to meetings and getting support from others who have lived or are living your life will be wonderful for you.  You will be able to see your own life and what you can and cannot live with.  You are not alone

Mary



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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> He slowly went back to his old ways. What do I do now?!