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11 Days and counting .. I am ok, then not, then ok again and then not.
I'm kind of laughing at myself .. I used to do the whole he's been gone for xyz days .. LOL .. now I'm on the reverse count down and it's a mixed bag of feelings, facts and number crunching.
I guess I am the odd man out on this and I have found I cause people to feel very uncomfortable with the fact that if my spouse owes support and he's required by law to pay it .. I'm owed the money. As long as he's working as long as the law supports me in this matter I will continue to collect it. It is interesting to me how many women especially have made comments about this issue .. I've heard it from women my age and younger and women older that I shouldn't expect (that's not the word I really want because expectations lead to resentments .. I mean it in .. these are his children too and he's certainly checked out emotionally) support from him meaning .. I should just let it go. No. If I had an affair, these children were not his legal obligation financially, then I would agree with that statement. As long as he has a job .. the money comes out automatically then I'm entitled to the money.
In the United States .. I believe if you are 2500$ over due on child support you cannot apply for a passport or use your passport. So no leaving the country to get out of support obligations. In my state if you are over 5k in arrears you are then allowed to be posted to a state website that is run by the state with photograph and all that you are a deadbeat parent with the total amount due. I have this amount figured at 10k actually the state shows it as 11k .. he has paid some. Unfortunately, because my atty didn't listen to me and figured the numbers wrong he could have been caught up or further caught up than he is .. now the past due is calculated at 9% interest on a daily basis .. yes I will pursue that .. especially given at the moment because of his inability to end this when it should have been ended, we could have been done in January of this year .. even August of last year .. I earned that money and I have earned the late fees .. I guess in my thinking right or wrong .. I see it as a pay off for what I have had to endure the past 10 years especially of our relationship .. the trips to jail, the DUI, fines, raising the kids on my own even when he was present. NO, I have no guilt or remorse attached to that. I guess I see it as this is time I won't get back .. I was with him for 17 years total, I will be raising the kids on my own and I truly do not expect any physical help from him in terms of especially after court ..
What I am hoping to be able to accomplish is moving forward to get a degree .. I still wish I knew in what .. I really do like the law .. at the same time .. it feeds a side of me that is kind of scary .. ask my atty and his atty .. they know .. even my original atty has made comments about the gleam in my eye when we go to court .. it is crazy weird the inner Athena that it brings out in me. It's not just about my case either .. it's definitely about righting a perceived wrong. Taking atty's down that are like my stbax's .. MAN that is a high I really could get into. The awful delays and how they pull that crap and get away with it. UGH.
Anyway, I have a meeting with my atty on Tuesday .. once the divorce is done .. we will head back into court for the contempt charges. Then I will petition the courts to leave the state .. that's a little more complex .. and by the time I get there which will be in another year .. STBAX may be so far down the drain he won't care if we leave so I may not have to go to court. I may only need him to agree to it. I have a feeling .. he won't see the kids after the court date or it will be long and in between. I will pursue different avenues of support for the kids in terms of big brothers and big sisters. I am just waiting until the divorce process is completed and I can see physically his reaction in court.
I'm sooo excited to be sooo close to having this ALL done .. very very cool! It has been a LONG journey and I'm so far down the path at this point of my own recovery, I feel ok with where I am at and am enjoying moving forward.
Savoring freedom after the divorce .. real freedom .. being able to say EX husband or XAH .. that will be such a nice feeling to know that part of the deal is done. I actually have a lot of different opportunities .. sooo looking forward to exploring all of them. None of them involve dating .. LOL .. all about what is best for the kids and I as far as staying, moving .. my mom is asking about us moving out there .. I am hesitant .. I would like to.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
You sound so strong and ready for your new chapter of your life. Hugs and lots of support. I'm running out the door now, but just wanted to come on and say YAY!!! For you!!!
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Im happy for you serenity, its all coming to an end, that must be a relief. Im not sure who would be uncomfortable about child support, money that is owed to your kids is important. I cant imagine any woman who wouldnt be supportive about that. I also think that even if you did have an affair, your kids are still entitled to be supported by 2 parents. Its not about whos right or wrong.
I understand your anger, every woman who had children with an a has raised the family alone really and it is hard. Im glad you are looking to the future now and moving on with your life, it sounds hopeful and filled with possibilites.x
We are counting the days with you and pray it will work out.
I just don't know why people don't pay their due to support their children. I paid faithfully for 6 years to my X without any complaints. I wanted my son to have the best and no money was going to keep that away from him.
Maybe I did just a little too much. "
Take care
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
It is shocking to me .. my mom and his s.mom has told me that he shouldn't have to pay so much in the same breath how am I suppose to even begin to live .. literally I paid the atty more than I made last year on my w2. At the same time I've heard I should be making more .. ummm .. ookkk .. what do you want me to do? Who is getting the kids when they are sick .. who is staying home with them or taking them places .. so I don't know .. it is baffling to me the confusing statements I hear and get.
He's making 6x what I made .. so yes .. LOL .. that does piss me off. I have been unable to get full time work because of the court stuff and this has kept me on hold for the last 2 years.
I know I shouldn't count on it .. I guess I just figure and this is me being a bumble bee .. he is suppose to pay it so he should and it's a significant amount of money that means a great deal of difference to our living .. it means he can't dictate how I spend money .. it means a LOT to the quality of life for the kids.
It will be interesting I guess .. and I don't care if someone is a man or a woman .. if the support is owed and it's fair .. it should be paid.
I terminated him as my spouse .. I can't help it that he doesn't like the severance package he's been left with .. he could have made different choices and he chose this path .. that's not on me. My atty's secretary said, it was a bad business deal .. I laughed and said for who? Him yes, .. me not so much.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I see nothing wrong with receiving child support, I receive it myself. I also am going back to school to become financially independent and can't wait to have a career and not live the way I do financially going more in the red all the time. My old car died and now I am in a car payment, I broke my arm and now that cut my second job completely, but you know what I still somehow manage to live and thrive with my kids because of the State and child support right now. I am working hard to get off of it, but at the same time going back to school is the only way for me to ever get ahead from the last few years, not to mention I had lots of debt before going back to college. My point is I know I will be okay and although things get very tight at times, I also know things have always worked out for us. Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
It's amazing to me that he is going to do this and I really do not understand the point of it all because he only burns himself no one else .. well I spend money I don't have trying to just get him to do the basics. Right now he's on a roll that he's spending money on the kids and I mean it's hundreds of dollars each visitation and I know him well enough to know he's going to try and say that's "child support". I'm almost salivating waiting for his atty to get that one because his atty is going to say umm .. NOOOO .. do NOT bring that up .. LOL. The first time we went to court he tried to bring up the fact that he purchased underwear for the kids as well as toiletries for the kids to use at HIS residence. LOL .. his atty was beat face red going do NOT bring this up. He didn't and it went really bad really fast.
I'm incredibly grateful that the money at this point is mostly automatic it's getting the right amount through that's going to be challenging .. he's going to be FURIOUS when he finds out how much and what is going to happen .. the hard part is this .. I don't have a career .. yet .. I'm in my 40's not my 20's or my 30's trying to navigate getting an education and so on .. sooo we'll see how this all falls out. I doubt once this ruling comes through that he will see the kids. It is a reminder of his guilt and his bad behavior .. honestly at this point .. who cares because it's my conscious and behavior is clear.
The atty said we will have to go back about college and other things my feeling is that's just a money maker for them .. it means more court and so on.
THAT'S the part that frustrates me most. I'm up to 14k .. if not for my mom .. I don't know what I would have done .. it's been rough to say the least. I hope to get an education .. it's not going to be an easy road to say the least.
thanks for the post :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
That's exactly why I won't be going back to court .. now I may have to go back to court to move .. I'm hoping he will give up and not fight it. I don't think he will. We will see.
Mine doesn't want to look bad and even he KNOWS he should have been paying me more and trying to explain to him what support is .. I might as well scream at the tide and tell it not to come in .. at least .. at least I have court going for me. He's going to loose his mind.
Hugs :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
