Now being harassed from ex mother inlaw - Al-Anon Family Group

Wisdom67 · Senior Member

Now being harassed from ex mother inlaw

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

Well, if it were me, I would post even more! If I had to, I would change my name, my password and reach for any and all lifelines and this has been a lifeline for you. Whether you choose to give in to their control or not, I wish you the best!

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

I would also keep posting.....would never let anyone take control of my life. You also have PM to anyone here you trust that you can talk to about what's going on.

Please continue to take care of you no matter what.

Wisdom67 · Senior Member

I change my name so many times I don't even know my name anymore . She made it know to me that she is watching everything I post and stated I been lying and I know I haven't I been honest if I did something wrong I own up to it . She say I should be ashamed of my self on here looking for pity and airing dirty laundry when I explained to her I'm here for help for support not to bash I told her this is part of my healing . Then to tell me I'm stupid and can't spell and yes I email her back and applied my alanon tools she got even more mad at me and put me down , I hated to stoop to her level but this was the first time in 17 years I final spoke up and she did not like it .. I just want to move on and not deal with toxic ppl , and for her who has no idea about how each fellowship works she should not be telling me anything .. I'm tired of hearing that I'm selfish think of my self , I explained to her and we know I didn't not need to but yes I went there , I told her that both AA alanon are both a selfish program and it has to be to focus on us to get better . This is my first time I'm working on me putting my self needs first and it's to get better . I'm the only one that can heal me and fix me and take care of me no one else can , so I do not believe I'm being selfish .

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

You owe her no explanations, you owe her nothing. You do what is best for you and let her be with her opinions. They do not need to affect you unless you choose to let them affect you. Be strong, be courageous and take care of you.

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Im sorry wisdom, thats awful. Anonymity is so important and this must be the reason why. If my ex or anyone recognised me then I would not be posting under that name again. You should be able to say anything really without it being used against you. This is good forum and i hate the thought of some sickos usjng it for their own sick vengence. Cant you change your name again and pm the people you want to know. Dont declare the name change publically, surely that would do it. Why play the victim role when youve worked hard to stop playing that part?

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

I had something similar happen .. I don't think my ex has been doing any more snooping however it is always possible. I deleted my name and started over.

Hugs and best of luck .. S :)

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

WELL SHE CAN NOW KNOW WE DON'T COME HERE FOR PITY........WE COME HERE FOR HEALING AND YOUR ONE OF OUR FAMILY COMING FOR ESH THAT THIS WILL GO AWAY!!!

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Frankly, Wisdom, your marriage and divorce is no one's business other than yours and your spouse. In Laws can be ignored on this. I'm not for keeping my kids away from their grandparents and I am for keeping my business my business and let the in-laws say what they will. We are powerless over other people's opinions, thoughts, feelings and behaviors. JADE might be a good Al-Anon suggestion to employ with the in-laws, nosy neighbors, and all others to whom you owe no explanation.

Basing your decisions on what you want and need for you and for your children can include leaving MIP or not leaving MIP - that's all up to you and your HP. You can always pm MIP members open to responding to you and you reaching out to them. This is a public board and all sorts of people can come on and read. They can't read pms. I make sure I don't publish anything that I wouldn't want somebody to know on the board because it is a public board. There are some folks I would share more with in pm fashion. I also take a lot of the hard stuff to my sponsor that I don't want a lot of feedback on or is a sensitive issue for me or for others in my life. That is also an option for you.

As I've seen posted here: We can "take our mess to our sponsor" and our "message to the rooms" or in our case, the board. Keep going and growing, Wisdom, in program and doing the next right thing for you.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 20th of June 2014 11:08:24 AM

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Prayers for the health and safety of you and your entire family. Take care Wisdom!

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

What measures can you take to not be harassed? if someone calls you, don't answer the call, if they send email, delete without reading. If they are calling leaving nasty messages on a machine, you can tell them you will prosecute them for telephonic harassment, or just not give out the number, I believe you can do the same with emails as far as prosecuting for harassing contact. Designate someone - a lawyer perhaps, as your contact for them so they don't have your personal contact information anymore. They are ex'es, which means they no longer have any right to your life.

You can also practice using the slogan - what others think of me is none of my business! That slogan is perhaps my favorite because it reminds me to not let what other people say or think affect me.

Don't let anyone chase you away from something you want to keep in your life!

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

I also don't like it when someone tears me a new one, but I don't always consider getting called out as harassment. If you believe it to be lies and slander, then you can disregard. If you believe there is truth in it, take it for what it's worth and work on yourself.

People use the slogans in all kinds of ways and sometimes it's to justify negative things. If I said "It's a selfish program" to explain me staying out all night, exposing my kids to someone new before a divorce was even over, leaving them unsupervised to play video games and such while going out and "finally putting myself #1!" That would be a distortion of that slogan because it "It's a selfish program" means self care in a responsible and healthy way and not ones where we just act however we feel like it without inventorying and justify it with "it's a selfish program." Not saying any of this is the case for you. Just providing examples of how to not fall into cosigning negative behaviors or disregarding messages that might be valid just because of who they come from and the way they come to us. "What other people think about me is none of my business" is a useful slogan for not worrying about what people think who are not even saying things to you. When someone actually expresses something to me, I usually do need to process whether it applies to me or not. It takes a lot of humility to discern what parts of people's feedback is true vs. a harassing attack. When there is name calling involved and such, I can see how it would come across as an attack.

deramam · Veteran Member

It's sad that so many people are miserable in their own lives that they feel the need to meddle in others. If I were you I would try to make a new account and keep everything as little detailed as possible so not even the A could tell and if that didn't work I would just stand back and take things in without posting for a while until I felt they weren't in my business anymore. They really need some hobbies or something if they have the time to read all of these to figure out which one is you. That is psychotic. I wish you well and I hope you can stay or come back even.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

PP wrote:
Well, if it were me, I would post even more! If I had to, I would change my name, my password and reach for any and all lifelines and this has been a lifeline for you. Whether you choose to give in to their control or not, I wish you the best!

AGREE 100% with Paula.....I would do it even more....to hell with them.......under new name, new password.......i won't let ANYONE dictate or control what i do if it is helping me......JUST saying....u do what u gotta do, but if it were me, i would not let them win....

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear one, leaving here only gives them what they want. Control over you that you by leaving are choosing to give them.

I too would not even give them any attention, not have any communication with them. Who is your true family? Ones who hurt you, or us who love you and want only to support you?

We never look at things here as gossip.They are facts the person wants to share. Even if a person lies about stuff, there is a reason for that too!

Part of our program is to not allow toxic people rule us. My MIL was the worst. I could care less what she thinks and have zero communication with her.

What is it about you that you allow them to control your person?

In our lives we will alwasy have evil try to get in, taking things away we love, challenging our beliefs. I feel it is up to us to say NO MORE.

I know you are stronger than this. changing name etc, does not work you have learned that. So I invite you to lean on us, don't give evil any attention. We need you too! We really love you and care! Debilyn

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Debilyn wrote:

In our lives we will alwasy have evil try to get in, taking things away we love, challenging our beliefs. I feel it is up to us to say NO MORE.
I know you are stronger than this. changing name etc, does not work you have learned that. So I invite you to lean on us, don't give evil any attention. We need you too! We really love you and care! Debilyn

ohhh this is SO true....my awful bio sister whom i broke off contact entirely, i mean i cut her out like removing a tumour b/c SHE didn't want me on the boards, in the meets, working w/sponsor, doing ANYthing that "aired out her dad's evil behaviour" thus she was standing up for evil and not good.......i always say "when good people do nothing, the darkness prevails" and the good people doing nothing would have been for me to drop my recovery, keep the peace and for WHAT???? to abandone me??? my alanon support???? HECK NO!!!!! and had i done that the evil would have prevailed.....I won't let it.......debilyn is so right.........."NO MORE" is what i say to it and i do what is right...right for me....my environment...my community.....my loved ones....animals....other vulnerable lives.....but it STARTS WITH ME.......i hope u really listen to DEB....and ALL the good sharers on here who told you to keep up the good work....don't dump your board over some sicko's and take care of you........

Summerrose67 · Newbie

You have a right to post what you choose & do not let anyone tell you or make you feel anything different! No one is looking to take sides or judge anyone else we are here to support one another! Your best bet is don't even respond to her because all you are doing is feeding into her! Live & Let Live! Let Go & Let God!

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