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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> New Some feedback or help at this point
Post Info TOPIC: New Some feedback or help at this point
jacob53


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New Some feedback or help at this point
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I am fairly new to this board but have been in alanon for a while now and have been working on my recovery for many years. But it never fails that dealing with my original family members always seems to set me back so so much. I am so upset today and have been for days that I decided to post.

My sister got married about 10 years ago to this man that really remains somewhat of a secret in my family. There really isn't much we know about him because he seems very quiet and reserved when you go to her home. Anyway they have been having problems since day number 1. He has a daughter from a previous marriage that has caused numerous problems and I at this point really do think there is so much more to this story that she is hiding. She is very secretive to me and when I see her she seems agitated or stressed or just annoyed to be in my presence. It is such a switch from the way things use to be with us. We use to be so close. So each encounter with her I feel like I am basically being abused my words are not understood they are twisted. She says very condescending things to me and seems extremely competitive with me we have never had this before. I speak about something and she reacts to something that has nothing to do with the point I am trying to make. So scarey and wierd. 

A few months ago she told me she was going to get divorced and then they decided to stay together. At that point she told me they were abusing each other ( and they both attend alanon). I guess he goes because his father was an alcoholic and sometimes I think maybe he is and she never tells me. Something very wierd.

My sister has never ever treated me like this until she met him. This last encounter was so upsetting to me that I confronted her she apologized and then picked a huge argument with me and told me she wanted a time out from me she didn't want to see me. Which is fine with me.  I feel we are never going to get anywhere until she comes clean with me about her issues and what she is dealing with. This has cost me my sister. I am having such a hard time with this.

 

 

 

 



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grateful2be


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I've had those encounters with a few people in my life. Fear has a way of putting walls between us. I respect the wall that is put up to me and go to where there are no walls and I don't feel like I'm wrestling with a shadow. Keep coming back.

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
jacob53


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Thanks so much I will respect that wall she obviously wants it this way at this time. She also told me other sister that she is afraid of me that to me makes not sense the whole thing is wierd. Thanks for the feedback.



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PP


~*Service Worker*~

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These kinds of situations hurt.  Thankfully we have the al anon tools to do the best we can with the life we have.  I have to limit my exposure to some family members that I would like to have a different relationship with, but for now, it isn't going to happen.  I ask HP to help me love them anyway and interact with them without any expectations.  It is hard but my peace of mind is worth more than the relationship I would like.  I can often see that this might be HP's way of protecting me (or protecting them from mesmile).  Keep coming back!



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Paula
Debilyn


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All we can do is make it clear to them that we are always here for them, not to hesitate contacting us.

It is horrible to have this happen. For me it is my own daughter. For different reasons but we are astranged.

Possibly send her a card, letting her know you love her no matter what, that you grieve the loss of your relationship, but it is always there ready to start up again.

hugs honey! debilyn

 



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> New Some feedback or help at this point