Kerry mom, it's nice to see you back and sharing. It is obvious that you are working a strong program, since you are no longer searching for bottles. Being the responsible parent it is difficult to determine the right course of action when living with the disease of alcoholism.

Becoming hyper vigilant in an effort to determined if it safe to leave the children, is destructive to your mental health and serenity. Would it be possible to simply make the decision that you would not leave the children with him and he would not drive the children anywhere until he was in recovery for over a year.? I do know this would put a bigger burden on you as you would be the babysitter or the driver but it would save a certain amount of anxiety.

I would pray about it asked for guidance and listen to the still small voice within

I'm with the others in saying that it's never safe to leave a baby in the care of an alcoholic, whether he appears to be drinking or not.  I have told the story of how I left my A, who supposedly had given up drinking altogether (but wasn't in AA or a program), and who I hadn't seen drinking or drunk in months, in charge of our toddler, and how it was only by the grace of God that our toddler is alive today, considering what happened.  I was uninformed in those days and I didn't know nearly what I know about alcoholism now.  Drinking makes us single parents whether the alcoholic is there or not.  Just think: would you hire a babysitter to care for your baby if he were very drunk "sometimes" but not apparently that day?  Never, right?  Our little ones depend on us to keep them safe.  Hugs.

my rule....NO AH is gonna drive or operate dangerous machinery around my kids or my pets..........that was non negotiable....if he wanted to mow the yard and accidentally "prune" his toes off?? his problem, but my kids and pets  were not to be around  autos or any machinery.....

all of us have our different scenarios but when it comes to minor children, i was a micro manager when it came to their safety.....I don't care if the alkie wants to do stuff that may harm him, but not my kids and pets...

AND if i knew  AH#1 was drinking and driving?? I called the cops..gave them make/model/plate # of the car and general location he was driving..he was a creature of habit so it was easy to tell teh police.....thanks to me he got a couple of DUI's and NOW in california (which is where we lived)  they really hammer u when you get a #502/DWI ...its big bucks and possibly jail time....about 12k in legal fees....here in TX they are strict too....I wont mess with it.....drinking and driving, if i know about it, i will drop the dime....my AH#1 got into a wreck...luckily the other car was parked and nobody was inside, but still....did that teach him???? nope....he got ahold of the owner of the other vehicle adn settled w/him as it was an older car adn then he fixed his toyota himself, the front end, right side was messed up pretty bad.....

you are not too careful when it comes to your kids....there is no such thing as "oh well maybe he won't hurt them when he is drunk"   u put your kids at risk letting a drunk drive them or babysit them if he is not sober, in AA working strong program and has been sober for a LONG while......when the child is dead or badly injured  there is no "re-doing" the "mistake"  

my mother, the alkie was getting plowed and did not watch my baby brother and he climbed up on the 2nd floor railing to see the beautiful chandelier and he fell 2 stories down adn nearly died...bad head injury, hasn't been really right since.......THAT is b/c he was in the "care" of a non recovering/active alcoholic......they can put any spin on it they want to., if they are abusing substances , they are a hazzard....

 

THANK YOU everyone! AH is so good at getting me to doubt myself, funny how one of his qualities when we were dating/early married was that he could not tell a lie, which was refreshing after my ex boyfriend, he is very good at it now!

Sorry should have been more clear, he just gets upset and whines/yells and lays on the guilt and sadness. I am not scared he will hurt me.

Kerry remember our bodies are mostly water ok. To run correctly we need lots of water or everything, including our brain is compromised.

Whether he is maintaining drinking every other day makes no difference, his brain is still damaged and not working right!

I would not leave my dog with an A or a chicken either. NEVER. They are very sick, they, with their sick brain do nor process things right.

People tend to not know much about their own bodies, so inturn do not realized what drugs are doing to their A's inside. It takes a lot out of a person to be drunk one time a week. Imagine every day. They are sly, they hide it. My A told me once unless you follow them into the bathroom you do not know if they are using.

you are a wise person, your kids are so fortunate to have you protecting them.

hugs!

 

The alcoholic not in recovery wants to be believed and given gold stars and have immediate reward for not drinking all the time. They want unconditional support and faith in them despite having zero credibility, a history of lying and failed attempts at whatever they are demanding you trust them with. They almost always fail to take into account their track record and then play the "OMG! You are so negative/That is in the past!!!" card when that horrible track record that any sane person would go with is brought up. This specifically seems to be one of the most common dilemmas I hear on the board/in alanon. You are definitely not alone in this one.