How do I begin to gain strength? - Al-Anon Family Group

slowlearner · Veteran Member

How do I begin to gain strength?

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Do you have meetings there? Believe me you would love one or lots of them. Also we do have meetings here.

We already care about you! This is not just talk.

The more you come here the better you will feel. There is a chat room also.

People need to meet challenges to build up their self esteem, need to give to others. Volunteering is an excellent way to get better.

Also you may want to see your doctor. You may be suffering from depression.

Even the smallest towns have support groups. What are you interested in, or what did you used to be?

I know for me, just getting one flower and planting it helped. Then getting pots and planting more.

What do you like about yourself? I know for me, going and staying with my family helped me sooo much. Mother taking me with her to pick fruit to freeze and can got me out.

Maybe one time don't go straight home. Go to a movie, take yourself out to eat. Maybe find an elderly home where people would love for you to read to them, andlisten to their stories, or push them around outside in their wheel chair.

I know losing myself in doing things is how i started. I was so darn shy! My ah almost killed my spirit too. Right here mip is what saved me. Been here around 12 years! The people i have met have shared so much experience, strength and hope.

I read self help books, filled in the workbooks. I researched addiction, realized my husband was very sick. I learned he was so much worse than i was as far as self esteem.

many people do leave, there are options.

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life like this? STart small, then take little steps to more. Even if it is just taking a walk every day. I would say get a dog but i don't know if AH is abusive. NOTHING builds self esteem like a dog who loves you does or seven of them! lol Plus when you walk your dog in a park or? People will talk to you, the dog is a bridge. Get a pot bellied pig and you will have oodles of new friends! lol

I am on facebook. It has been one of the best things for me. I rarely feel alone. I also made friends with neighbors. usually becuz their animals tend to get out and come to my place! cows, horses dogs and more! lol I now share my eggs with them.

YOu came here! That takes courage, have you read Getting them Sober? toby rice drew volume one? it is amazing.

you are not alone, just keep coming!!!

slowlearner · Veteran Member

Thank you so much. I already feel better. You're right - I don't want to live this way forever. Small steady steps is the way. It just feels so good to talk about it with someone and have them understand. I'm going to keep coming back.

Kerrymom · Senior Member

I've been there - not wanting to do anything. You've already realized you need to make changes which is huge! F2F alanon meetings and reading here and the literature is what has helped me so much. I hope you can find meetings in your town or nearby, they are anonymous and from what I've experienced that is taken VERY seriously. (I've lived in small rural communities where everyone knows everyone and everything). Take care of you!

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello and welcome to MIP. Sorry I missed your post when you first came on the board. I used to go to work and come home, too, and just wanted to sleep, sleep, sleep. I was depressed - in large part because I was afraid to tell people what was going on in my life. I kept it all locked up in myself until I couldn't stand anymore and then only shared just the parts that I thought wouldn't scare people or push them away. I was ashamed of the way I was living and blaming myself for living with a very sick, sick man. Just getting out doing one little thing for me a day pushed me to go beyond my own comfort zone and spend time with myself in new situations. Glad you're here. Please keep coming back.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

welcome to the group....i can relate to the isolation thing and not wanting to mess w/people.....my family of origin convinced me i was a reject..parents, older siblings...how could so many people be wrong???

so most of the time i isolated or hung out w/ other troubled kids...and it went into my adult hood

alanon saved my life....went to as many meets as there are days....got a sponsor, got the 12 steps workbooks, books, download most of my stuff and slogans, and literature....i would get stuff off the web....built up quiet a library and wow, as the days went by, i wold feel better about me....it hs been a long haul for me b/c of so much damage, but little by little i gain self discovery which translates to self acceptance b/c i understand me and why i have the issues that i do and understanding the "enemy" is to over come it or at least manage it...

i think on terms of progress, never perfection which freed me big time.....i do hope u will give this program a try...the more you give of yourself to it the more it pays you back.....

peace and welcome

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello Slowlearner,
I know that feeling of wanting to isolate myself and just have some time to think and find the old me again. And I know that feeling of not wanting anyone else to take my time from me with their pleasure requests. It sent me into quite a panic when I started learning to value my own needs as much as wanting to cater to the needs of others but slowly slowly I'm finding that I can take care of myself as well.

I do need people in my life from time to time to remind me that I'm an ok individual

I find it useful to remind myself of things that I have enjoyed in the past and to make time for myself so that I can pick them up again.
I try to find something constructive to do everyday. Today's example - I'm making ice cream!
Yesterdays - cooking some indian cuisine for a lunch with some English expats. Somedays my task is really boring - like killing the ironing pile (an endless quest in my house!) or planting out some seedlings. Some days it is more challenging like decorating a room. Once the task of the day is complete I sit down and play - paint, write, sew, tapestry. I guess that because I'm not working every day now I am having to find ways to fill that space and I'm lucky in that respect.

One of the best things I did for my self esteem was to sign up for a distance learning course - mine was with the Open University but I think that there are free courses out there as well. I enjoyed reading my classmate's work (we were doing creative writing) and I used the writing to tell some of my own story as well. Passing the exams at the end of the course was a really good feeling.

Oh - I try to give myself daily reminders that I'm an ok person - I have a list of nice things that people have said to me that I read from time to time or looking at a photo album filled with good memories.

Every evening I journal and the important part of it for me is to write down the three best things of the day. It doesn't matter how awful the day has been there are always three best things and it does me good to remember what they are!

slowlearner · Veteran Member

Thanks to all of you. This makes me feel better that I am not alone. And I am going to keep coming back to read and to learn. I'm going to practice some positive thinking today. That is going to be my goal.

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

That is a lovely goal SL. I'd love to hear how you get on and how you are feeling at the end of the day.

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

Remembering what used to interest me and finding ways to incorporate it into my life helps me to solidify who I am separate from anyone else. Little things like planting something and tending it as it grows, I can't be all bad if I can make a flower bloom. Reconnecting with what I used to like doing and finding ways to get back to them - picking up a crochet hook after decades away and producing something beautiful - small successful accomplishments are a boost to the ego.

I too live in a really small town where everybody knows (or thinks they know) what everybody is doing and there is no anonymity. Its tough!

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

Oh, I love your response LMH and it is so true smile

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I am glad you are reaching out and breaking your isolation. Face to face meetings, MIP, my sponsor and reading everything al-anon I could get my hands on helped me break out of my misery!It sounds like you have already started making a change and I look forward to getting to know you! Sending you much love and support on your journey!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.