You know .. - Al-Anon Family Group

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

You know ..

Green Eyes · ~*Service Worker*~

Maybe giving this all up to your HP is the best course right now? Hard to know what is the right thing to do without some sort of guidance from above. Hugs, GE

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

You are absolutely correct in that there is nothing I can do and it is only something that the God of my understanding is going to have to sort out .. I'm just irritated because of the drama he is trying to create. This isn't even the 1/2 of it .. he's in self destruct mode. It hit me that he is going to be homeless if his mom passes anytime soon. It will not be a good thing for him as he moved back home because he can't afford to live on his own. So whatever his reasons are for doing this I'm just trying to stay out of the mix .. ugh. I'm just very over this and realized in this moment that until I physical move out of state .. this is a dance that will be happening.

Hugs and thanks :)

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

No real recovery, psychological problems, poor coping skills, pattern of lying, immaturity, midlife crisis.....These are ALL things you have described about your STBAX in spades. I know that the drama is irritating, but honestly, is it not fitting with the pattern? It's not really a dance either Serenity, it's become more and more you watching him dance while just shaking your head and being like "What the...?!"

I have pulled the exact move your stbax is doing now. I'm trying to name this particular alcoholic ploy....It resembles what a teenager does when you confront them about not doing their chores and then they say "OMG! Mom. My best friend just got dumped! Not now!!!" or "OMG I can't possibly do my homework because my life is in shambles!!!!"

In his case it's "OMG, don't make me act responsible or like a grown up because look...My mom is dying!!"

It is also the classic strategy of trying to look as pathetic as possible so you will feel sorry for him and not hold him accountable. This is done so he has his own excuse for low functioning, but also so he can present it to others. Been there. Done that. It's confusing in a way only in that he really is pathetic in some ways and that is not fake, but he works the whole pathetic thing when he wants or needs something or to get out of stuff. That is what alcoholics do.

Truth · ~*Service Worker*~

Can you explain more "it is not fitting with the pattern"? Pattern of alcoholism?

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you, thank you thank you .. UGH .. that's what I'm trying to wrap my brain around. The craziness and desperation of his behavior, my own recovery, and thinking what is going on? I'm really, really trying to stay on my side of the street however NOT make things harder than they need to be. I have a feeling he's going to be reaching out to me when she passes especially with the divorce becoming immanent at the end of the month. He's definitely in desperation mode.

I don't want to interfere with the kids getting to say goodbye to their grandma .. I seriously DON"T know how bad she is .. I want to hear from the Dr's if they will talk to me. PLUS I want to make sure she's getting the care she needs. I would like to talk to her sister .. we'll see I'm not going to push it. I do know his mother is not good.

He never did text me back last night and his mom did not come home yesterday. I find it shocking they would allow her to go home considering she's intubated even as I type this, .. I was able to get ahold of him and I can take the kids directly to the hospital today so hopefully I won't have to even see him. (and honestly neither will the kids)

Anyway, I have a plan and that's a good thing. I did double check my motives and make sure that I'm doing the right thing for the right reasons and I absolutely am.

Her and I aren't close .. the fact she's been isolated from the kids as well she has other grandchildren that she's never been able to meet even .. to me that is extremely sad. So I think even if she's not aware the fact we are there I think it will be a good thing anyway.

Hugs S :)

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Truth, .. Pink was saying in question form how is it not fitting in with the pattern. Based upon text book alcoholism and bottoms dropping out .. based upon the last two years .. my stbax has been text book for patterns.

To give you an idea of how much so I have a prediction on what will happen after 7/1 .. it took him 3 weeks I believe between court and when he totaled his car in 2013. So figure 8/?/14 .. he will have another crisis. We are in repeat mode with EVERYTHING at the moment and actually it's worse than 2013 this time .. so it really goes to show how progressive this all is.

Hugs S :)

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