I need to ask about feelings - Al-Anon Family Group

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

I need to ask about feelings

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

RE: I need to asked about feeling regarding this

sadsusie · Senior Member

(((HUGS))) Cathy,

No, you don't need to feel guilty, It sounds like you are just protecting yourself from further hurt. (If I may be so bold to suggest it). Guilt is like a weed isn't it? I find that it chokes out most of the positive things that are going on.

Someone had suggested that I do some Journaling the other day. Maybe you could try writing him a letter of support, like prayers into the universe. You can give him the support you want or just vent to get things off your chest. Then don't send it. Or keep and "wait" to send it until you feel better....then delight in tearing it up! Give yourself some room to process all of this.

Good luck to you, and try to be more gentle with yourself.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

RE: I need to ask about feelings

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

I understand those thoughts, all jumbled up, not knowing what to do for the best. Im like this after a crisis situation or when ive been upset. It usually takes me a few days to calm down. It might be a good idea to write it all out and let it go for a day or two and then when your mind has cleared, the right thing may be clearer. Connecting with my higher power, writing a gratitude list and writing or discussing it all and then letting it go, usually helps me when im like this. You may need a rest from your thoughts.x

Mari1978 · Senior Member

((Cathy))

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Cathy we all know barring an A only protects the public not really them. Sad truth.

Knowing what I do,I would keep as much money in his account as I could. Letters mean more than you know. Just ones about cats or what is going on in family, does not have to be heavy etc.

I found out what one could have in there. After awhile in the one AH was in, he could have a tv an other things. It is not rehab. If they have AA there that is great, can't hurt. I would send books if i could.

There are things you can do without enabling. Its still not going to really make his experience better, but it will help him stay sane.

Your detaching has been phenominal. I know you may not see it but we do. hugs!

Rose50 · Senior Member

(((Cathy))))

I think it will take some time to process everything that's happened. You are doing great - you are a strong woman! There is no reason for you to feel any guilt.

Thinking of you....J

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Last time I did hear from him in a letter he said he was so lonely. Sad.....

I write him but the video visits have stopped for now. I won't see him now for about 6 weeks as he will be transferred and evaluated to what yard he will be going to. After he is placed I can apply to see him. That takes about 4 weeks for the background check for me.

I do put money on his account and yes he can have a TV and radio. I can send books and newspapers as long as they come direct from them or places like Amazon. Walmart also sends direct. They have quite a extensive commissary where he can purchase many things.

I pray he gets into Phoenix West because it's for felons with addictions that need extensive rehab. It's a private prison and inmates doing only 1 to 2 years. They work daily for their account money and it helps pay off their fines. My son's are around 5 grand. This prison has a good rehab program and AA everyday. Therapy individual and group. Who knows where they will put him....they will decide in the next 4 weeks. They have what is called family day....if the inmate is good ...family can come and bring homemade meals.

Thank you Debilyn for the info.....I know I will continue to write every week and send pictures of Nisa when he gets to his yard. He can have up to 30 pics at one time. I think I won't send mom because he might throws stuff at it....

I love him and this will pass and we will both settle in but right now it's still raw...

((( hugs )))

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

((((((((Cathy))))))))) u sound so much better, focused adn yea, it is raw and both of you are gonna need some adjustment time.......really, the prison sounds like it may be a life saver, however, I would be careful about my expectations....he has to WANT the program and really work it......but i still say this is perhaps the best chance he will have to get straight...and those old cons who have been in the programs for a while, will call him out on any "bs" he tries to put off on them.......i heard arizona jails and prisons are facilities focused on , yes, punishment, but also rehab , IF the inmate wants it.....i don't know if its a jail or prison, but after admitting and eval, an inmate can through time "program up" to a decent job and even job training....I truly pray that he makes this a positive.....in the meantime, I hope Cathy takes care of Cathy......I am glad u r beginning the accepting part....you have been grieving a long time............PEACE, my friend

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Cathy)) you're ENTITLED TO MIXED EMOTIONS AT THIS TIME--IF YOU HAD A SPONSOR I WOULD SUGGEST WORKING A 4 THROUGH ,-7TH STEP ON THIS TOPIC.

IT IS IMPORTANT TO FEEL THE FEELINGS, GRIEVE, CRY, LOOK AT THE PAST , LEARN THE LESSONS CONTAINED IN THE PAINFUL EXPERIENCES AND THEN ASK HP TO LIFT THE PAIN AND SADNESS--IT WORKS WHY NOT TRY TO WORK THE 4TH STEP ON THIS AND PM YOUR 5 TO SOMEONE HERE OR AT YOUR MEETING.

IT WILL HELP

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Cathy))) Thinking of you and listening with affection and care. Continued prayers for you all.

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Betty I wish I had a sponsor to help me though this but I don't. I will work a 4th step on this and yes I will PM somebody about it. I will start tonight when I get home. I will work this one hard I promise you.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Cathyinaz wrote:
Betty I wish I had a sponsor to help me though this but I don't. I will work a 4th step on this and yes I will PM somebody about it. I will start tonight when I get home. I will work this one hard I promise you.

now THAT is our good Cathy HUGSSSSSS and hey....we are here ok????

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Okay Finals day for recovery at this level.

Question !: Did you cause this?

Question 2: Can you control this?

Question 3: Will you cure this?

Question 4: Sponsor? Why, What for, When?

Question 5: Multiple choice, A Higher Power A. Is greater than the disease and ourselves? B. Is a God of my choosing? C. Works when trusted? D. Is not me? E. Answers A thru D

No time limit exam. Do as often as necessary.

((((Hugs)))) smile

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Jerry F wrote:

Okay Finals day for recovery at this level.
Question !: Did you cause this?
Question 2: Can you control this?
Question 3: Will you cure this?
Question 4: Sponsor? Why, What for, When?
Question 5: Multiple choice, A Higher Power A. Is greater than the disease and ourselves? B. Is a God of my choosing? C. Works when trusted? D. Is not me? E. Answers A thru D
No time limit exam. Do as often as necessary.

((((Hugs))))

LOL..........Ohhhh (((((Jerry)))))) this is adorable.........LOVE it.........

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Good Work Cathy. You can always just send your son a card saying "Thinking of you" "Holding you in my thoughts and prayers"

I love getting cards like that

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Jerry I will take that exam but I need to study hard before I take it.

Betty I wish I could send a card but they won't let me. No cards in this jail. Maybe when he gets to prison they will allow them. But you know that is a good idea..... keep it simple and with love.

((( hugs all )))

PS: I just downloaded PDF viewer so I can type into PDF's. I downloaded a new step 4 worksheet to work on. I want to be honest with myself...totally!!! so I get the most out of this experience.

God help's those who help themselves

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Cathyinaz wrote:

PS: I just downloaded PDF viewer so I can type into PDF's. I downloaded a new step 4 worksheet to work on. I want to be honest with myself...totally!!! so I get the most out of this experience.

God help's those who help themselves

OMG....u r gonna LOVE the self discovery you find in step 4...step 4 scared so many folks , but when i was new...i knew #4 would be my best friend.....I love step 4...it is my self discovery tool.......go get em girl.......you can do this and ace Jerry's exam, LOL

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Great You can do this.

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