So I called the cops. - Al-Anon Family Group

missmeliss · ~*Service Worker*~

So I called the cops.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

Do you have anywhere you can go to be safe? How long will he be in jail? Do you have a friend that can be with you?

You did the right thing, Melly. Do not second guess yourself. For now you are safe.

-- Edited by PP on Thursday 12th of June 2014 09:36:08 PM

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Melly, I am so proud of you. It hurts because you care even though he is an abuser. It hurts maybe because you are really saying goodbye to old abused melly. That is scary as hell I imagine. I had my ex-A hauled off by cops and paramedics while he cussed me up and down. It was a low moment for sure. I was invested in that relationship as you have been in yours. It hurt bad, but it was the right thing to do for him and me.

Kerrymom · Senior Member

()))hugs))))) you are strong, you are brave, you are an incredible mom. You kept yourself safe and your daughter, it could've escalated even further. I hope you have someone from your f2f group you can meet or call.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

You have also worked hard. .so hard to keep a lid on this for multiple reasons...that lid just blew off. Breathe deep melly. Follow a plan of safety. He has you so scared you are already worried about making nice right after he abused you. Not uncommon melly. Breathe...reach out and get to safety.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

You can do this, Melly. What you did was brave and courageous. Your daughter will be proud, we are proud. You are loved.

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Melly...you did the right thing when you needed to. Yes it hurts and your scared right now but just think what more he could have done before any help could arrive. It's time to stop, sit and pray for you and only you. He will be safe and where he needs to be right now. He has to come to terms with his problems and what he has done. What he has done to YOU Melly. He needs help that you can't give him.....you are powerless.

Stay close ...... and let us all pray for your peace and security.

((( hugs )))

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

pinkchip wrote:
Melly, I am so proud of you. It hurts because you care even though he is an abuser. It hurts maybe because you are really saying goodbye to old abused melly. That is scary as hell I imagine. I had my ex-A hauled off by cops and paramedics while he cussed me up and down. It was a low moment for sure. I was invested in that relationship as you have been in yours. It hurt bad, but it was the right thing to do for him and me.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((MEL))))))))))))))))))))))))))) omg....so glad you did that, you are safe....do u have anywhere to go??? how long will they keep him??? and i agree with mark......its the old battered, abused melly you are hurt over........you put your blood, sweat, tears into this relationship even tho he floats down the gutter, THIS time he did not drag you with him...you see the progress here???? U called the police.....U did your first step in breaking free.......i am proud of you too.....U did not sit and take it....you called for help..........I could not agree with mark any more.......I prayed about you......HP musta heard us all praying for you b/c he is out of there for now...........NOW...do you have anywhere you can go???? can you file a restraint order on him???? is there a domestic abuse shelter for you to turn to???? I don't know aussie social services systems, but i know battered woman usually can get helped......i would ask the police while they have him locked up...maybe you can call them and say "hey is there a shelter i can go to when hes back on the streets???" just a thought......but for now.......breathe........breathe full and count your exhaling breathes so you can calm down.....and think this through......you can do this...you took a HUGE...MONSTER step towards taking care of you.........a few months ago, u may not have done this......ya see how far you have come????????

KennyFenderjazz · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs and prayers Melly

Wisdom67 · Senior Member

You did the right thing . I'm right where you are to mine started drinking again and became very ugly he was arrested today to and serving 2 to 5 years in jail . He is senticing is tomorrow the same day of my divorce . I will pray for you and me to .

missmeliss · ~*Service Worker*~

He wouldn't let me leave the property, he hit me in the head and dragged me back from the gate and wanted me to listen to his stupid proomises of what he is going to do, 8 years of this and I just couldn't do another day of it. When the police were here he was trying to tell them "it is just a fight, just domestic stuff" but it isnt. He already has a record, he did time for beating up an ex-girlfriend so its not going to be nice for him but I just couldnt take another minute of it. do you understand I just couldn't. Not one more time I have just had enough. I am not going to be told I can't leave my house because he is drunk. Oh it hurts, what did I do?

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Think of it this way Melly. You just set on big boundary he will never forget. He has to understand he can not touch you no matter what. He will face the courts and jail if he continues. If he can't be a man and control his anger he will have to pay the piper for his actions. Be strong and don't let him intimidate you ever again. It's time to stop it once in for all.

((( hugs ))

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

((((((((((Mel)))))))))) take care of you! This too shall pass. Breaking the cycles are so scary, but you will see that things can be better. Sending you so much love and support!

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

I am praying for you, too, wisdom.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Cathyinaz wrote:
Think of it this way Melly. You just set on big boundary he will never forget. He has to understand he can not touch you no matter what. He will face the courts and jail if he continues. If he can't be a man and control his anger he will have to pay the piper for his actions. Be strong and don't let him intimidate you ever again. It's time to stop it once in for all.

((( hugs ))

yep, melly u sure did...NOW he knows you are not gonna take it.........if he got into trouble for beating up an ex, he could get a sentence.....maybe this is your creator's way of helping you....he dug his own hole, not you.....all you did was take care of you.....i agree with the other gals here.....I am really relieved he is away from you......when the physical stuff starts it gets worse.....U did the right thing.....what did you do??? you perhaps saved your life....we dont' know, but u set a huge boundary and he won't forget it.........for your sake i hope they lock him up for a while.....

and wisdom you have my prayers too......

missmeliss · ~*Service Worker*~

www.youtube.com/watch

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Melly: Seems to me you did the most loving thing you could do for you and for your daughter and for him. To refuse to let fear get in the way of doing the next right thing for you is courage that has said its prayers. To say "NO!" to being manhandled by any person and to back that no up with a consequence is maturity and it is health. Let the feelings burn off - they'll pass. You have just said "YES" to life. Maybe our HPs are different? But my HP would never want me to be mistreated in those ways by anybody - not a sick Dad and not another sick man. Owning our power comes with a cost and sometimes it feels strange, but feelings aren't facts and they pass as do the thoughts that say we made a mistake in saying "NO" and backing it up for our sake. It took me about a week to get over feeling sick about doing what I needed to do to take good care of myself in relationship to my x and later to my son. It wasn't my job to protect my x. When my son was an adult, it was no longer my responsibility to protect him either. I might have felt the urge to do it, but that was my need to rescue pushing itself out. I could feel the urge and say no to it by continuing to work my program and stick with folks who had been there and with folks who knew I could overcome what I needed to face and let go of in myself.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Thursday 12th of June 2014 10:20:09 PM

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Mixed emotions I'm sure melly. Empowered, scared, traumatized, relieved.....The works. Not sure the context of your "what did I do?" But I suspect mixed emotions and that is also normal. Twisted sister. You are too young for 80's hair bands lol.

Truth · ~*Service Worker*~

K here is my experience. I hope to god this helps. The confusion that you are having is the start if the grieving process. I felt very unfocused. Scattered and almost detached from my body. Your thoughts are extremely normal for what you just experienced. The longer you stay away from him the clearer the picture will become. I isolated please don't do that. Phone a shelter and start a safety plan. The second guessing yourself is also completely normal it is the side effect of the emotional abuse, which takes longer to heal.

Just keep sharing. It is the sharing that helps work through the stages.

It is also normal to have extremely high anxiety. If you can go to a doctor, they will help you with that. Just take it slow. One step at a time. When my anxiety is the worse, water is very calming.

You did really good. Lots of ((((((hugs))))). I can try to tell u the stages so you don't feel alone.

Love you Melly!!!!! I will try my best if you keep posting!!!!

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

grateful2be wrote:
Melly: Seems to me you did the most loving thing you could do for you and for your daughter and for him. To refuse to let fear get in the way of doing the next right thing for you is courage that has said its prayers. To say "NO!" to being manhandled by any person and to back that no up with a consequence is maturity and it is health. Let the feelings burn off - they'll pass. You have just said "YES" to life. Maybe our HPs are different? But my HP would never want me to be mistreated in those ways by anybody - not a sick Dad and not another sick man. Owning our power comes with a cost and sometimes it feels strange, but feelings aren't facts and they pass as do the thoughts that say we made a mistake in saying "NO" and backing it up for our sake.

beautifully said, grateful......melly, U did good kiddo!!!!! you said, as grateful says here "YES" to life....I cannot add to this spot on post except to say that we are praying in mass for you and its showing....HP heard b/c i see good action......nobody should be abused in anyway......if hes had DV problems b4, as i said, he could do some time.....WOW...it took guts to stand up, but melly, it gets easier (self care/boundaries) as you go and as you practice...that frightened little girl inside of you is gonna see that life will get safer as you go and soon she will trust you and not cause you to ?? your own good deeds you did for you and for your little girl.........Take care of yourself......you have a lot of people who want to see you make it.....your story is so much like mine and my daughter's....if we can find ourselves, I just know you can...look in the mirror tonight and say "I CAN" and take deep breaths......hugs

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

That's right ......listen to that song over and over. Dance to that song. Take back your freedom!!!!!!!

Truth · ~*Service Worker*~

I just remember the feeling of being shattered. I don't know how to describe it.

Truth · ~*Service Worker*~

You did the right thing. ((((((Hugs))))))

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Truth wrote:
K here is my experience. I hope to god this helps. The confusion that you are having is the start if the grieving process. I felt very unfocused. Scattered and almost detached from my body. Your thoughts are extremely normal for what you just experienced. The longer you stay away from him the clearer the picture will become. I isolated please don't do that. Phone a shelter and start a safety plan. The second guessing yourself is also completely normal it is the side effect of the emotional abuse, which takes longer to heal.
Just keep sharing. It is the sharing that helps work through the stages.
It is also normal to have extremely high anxiety. If you can go to a doctor, they will help you with that. Just take it slow. One step at a time. When my anxiety is the worse, water is very calming.
You did really good. Lots of ((((((hugs))))). I can try to tell u the stages so you don't feel alone.

Love you Melly!!!!! I will try my best if you keep posting!!!!

Dear Truth..........thank you for weighing in....your esh is extremely wise......yea, we have been there and all the stuff u described, i experienced...so did my poor daughter when she was going through it, but yea, it does ebb as we work our program, reach out to others and we hang together...i am only as sick as my secrets and you coming out in honesty like u have through these days is very healing for you and for the ones who are in the situation............I am glad u r here, miss Truth....

Truth · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks Nemesha. I also know advice for some reason is really overwhelming. I am not sure why. So Melly don't be afraid to say you just need support not advice. You will know what you need each day.

missmeliss · ~*Service Worker*~

Neshema
I don't respond to you because I find your descriptions triggering. But thank-you for being there for me.

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs .. Melly I'm soooo sorry you are dealing with it .. you did do the right thing. Please slow down and take a breath .. you need some time to recover and honestly .. I hope he can get some help while he's behind bars. Hugs S

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

That question is to be inventoried Sis...run it thru the filter of the Serenity Prayer, the slogans, the program, the sponsor and your HP. You did what I would as a Alternative to Violence Men's Case manager would prep them for. "If you strike you will be taken away and she will do the call her self or have me do it for her. There is no justification for violence". I apologize for the hit Mel that was wrong. You did nothing to earn it. Good response...Great response. (((Hugs))) smile

Truth · ~*Service Worker*~

If any of mine are bothering you, please tell me. The triggers are hard. I remember them well.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

missmeliss wrote:
Neshema
I don't respond to you because I find your descriptions triggering. But thank-you for being there for me.

OK...maybe for your sake, in this trying time, maybe i need to just be here but back off....I do not want to trigger you....omg..that is the last thing i would ever want to do to any human being.........So I am here if YOU reach out to ME...hows that??? otherwise I will let the other gals and the guys be your support....I'll just send ya prayers ok???? would that be better??? I just want what is the best approach to you.......

PS...i edited the other post that may have been the trigger.....God speed!!!

-- Edited by neshema2 on Thursday 12th of June 2014 11:22:45 PM

-- Edited by neshema2 on Thursday 12th of June 2014 11:50:04 PM

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear Melly I know this was very hard but you were given the courage and wisdom to act in your own best interest. Thank you HP.
Please keep sharing and taking care of you. Good work!!! You are not alone

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

This sounds very scary and emotional so no wonder you are reeling. Remember that the flood of emotions will keep things from making sense for a while (a few days, a week), but that doesn't mean it will never make sense.

Domestic violence is never something to take lightly and you did not. You protected your own life and that of your daughter. You didn't enable. You are a hero.

Our thoughts become so distorted by the insanity of alcoholism, and by our own inadvertant addictions to the person and to chaos, that sometimes it's hard to get perspective. I note that your A hit you, took your phone, and tried to force you to stay on the property. He should be the one who is worried if you'll speak to him again. Because it would be a reasonable decision not to.

I know that sometimes when my detachment from my A and his chaos was going too fast, sometimes I'd panic and want to be attached again. That's where we need good support. I hope you can get all the support you can round up. Hugs.

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

So proud of you!!! You did the right thing. You took care of yourself! That's what you did! When this happened to my AH the police officer called me later that night to warn me he was posting bail. So be aware he might post bail from a bail bondsman. Not sure how it works where you live. Of course you couldn't take one more minute!! They will give you the option of pressing charges probably. You are important. We are here for you!! You did the right thing.

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm so sorry you had to go through that Melly, it must have been so frightening and shocking. You did great though. I'm so pleased that you called the police and that they took him away. I hope that you will have a little peace to recover and then start on a new way of life that does not include violence. You don't have to take it. (((((hugs))))))

karma13 · Senior Member

I just want to say you and your daughter are in my thoughts and prayers ;) you are so loved melly ;)

sad_dog_mommy · Veteran Member

((((( big hug)))

In hindsight you will see you did the right thing. Abuse happens over a period of time. It isn't just hitting, it is also the snarky comments and bad behavior. Over time my ABF slowly 'conditioned' me to believe that horrible things would happen if I told people what was going on. I walked around on eggshells to keep the peace. But Melly; I did it at the expense of my own mental health and inner peace.

Take a deep breath and try not to beat yourself up. Use the time he is away from the house to get your plan (and personal things) together.

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Good for you. Its amazing how distorted our thinking becomes. He hits you and your worried that he doesnt speak to you again. He hit you, try and tap into your anger, the remorse belongs to him not you.x

Mari1978 · Senior Member

You are a kind and intelligent creature that does not deserve to be harmed in any way. No one does. You did the next right thing. Give him back his part of the disease and detach.
One Day At A Time. Courage and strength be with you.
You deserve healthy relationships.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Melly you did what most would do when they are fighting to survive. Your flight or fight instinctual response came out.

You were protecting your life! He, in his rage could have killed you, then where would your bright little girl be???

That could have been her.

YOU will be ok,you have it in you to continue on your path.

Rest, give yourself time to calm down. Don't be surprised if your digestive system goes nuts.

WE care about you. Do you have a domestic violence group for women there??

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.