The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I want to cry but the tears don't flow. My kids wonder why I don't cry about dad.
I don't even know what is real. I hear my voice sayings things that I can't believe I am saying.
I used to be nice and happy nowI am not sure what to feel.
My husband said he quit drinking. I don't know what to believe because of the lies.
Everyone tells me to leave but i don't have a job. i am so tired of people telling me to leave. This isn't a solution. There is no solution. leaving makes the other person feel like they have solved your problem. Except they will go home to food and shelter. When I leave I will have nothing.
People are stresses me out to say the only solution is to leave. Whycan't people not say anything. I am so upset. Thus shouldn't make me so upset.
I think I am going crazy. I don't know how to be still anymore.
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I have hope that my next minute will be better and to learn from my last minute.
I know I shouldn't vent and I try not to except I can't say anything in meetings and I am home alone with 3 small kids.
Just to see there is no way possible to quit drinking even when you give yourself to God. Because this is now my DA is trying to quit with Gods help. If there is no way, then isn't AA with Gods help?
I am so confused.
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I have hope that my next minute will be better and to learn from my last minute.
Hello, Hopes. I can certainly understand that feeling of not knowing who I am anymore or how to be. So, it's helped me to just watch what I do next. If I'm reaching out for support, I'm a person who has hope and needs help. If I'm cleaning the house, or paying a bill or cooking dinner, I'm a woman who values a clean and nurturing environment and keeping the trust of my creditors. If I'm working a step that seems to be the right one for me at the time, I'm a person who values the Al-Anon program and have experienced the benefits of working it.
Asset and gratitude lists have helped me focus on myself and to stay in the day by looking at what strengths are mine and what I do have in my life that I know is good and good for me. The Serenity Prayer helps to ground me and empty my mind of thoughts that keep rushing at me. Hugging my grandson and letting him hug me reminds me I am human and loving and loved. Calling my sponsor or a fellowship friend and going out for a movie or a cup of coffee in an up close and personal way reminds me that I am not alone, I am not crazy but I am being affected by a crazy-making disease.
Sending you loads of positive support and understanding.
Here is the best place to vent....don't be alone and if here is where you need to be right now be here. You need to stop your fear and the what ifs about you A. You have to let go for now and just take care of you and your children.
I had to stop the questions. I had to stop the talking, begging and crying. I had to just walk away and let it all go. I had to move around and take care of me. I had to read and journal, pray and meditate. I had to write the serenity prayer down on paper many times to keep telling myself I am powerless to help my son. I had to sleep well and eat well and continue to pray for peace within. Not to have the fear and worry that was taking my life away from me......I had to come out of denial thinking I could change things.
If nothing changes nothing changes. You don't need to leave but you have to back away from the disease and let it take care of itself. Let your husband live with his disease without your input. Let him think about it and give him no change to blame anyone else for it. Let him own it.
You only need to say it once what you need to say. Saying it again and again will just drum up more anger and make you crazy.
Keep coming back because you are not alone....let us help you until you can help yourself.
((( hugs (((
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I am usually pretty good about keeping it together. I have to for the kids, but it seems I let something get the best of me and everything seems scary.
I didn't have fear before I had an alcoholic in my life now I must hold back this huge gloom of fear. I tried calling my best friend but it is late. It is 12 and I should be asleep. Who will I be tomorrow without sleep.
Why do I allow myself to get so caught up in the negative self talk. I allowed another person to tell me I better make plans to leave my AH. I am shaking so bad with anxiety. I read the big book which scared me out of my mine because no body can stop drinking and read the bible.
I know I need to just stop myself..
Making the graditute list sounds like a great idea so when I get this way I can change my focus.
I hate feeling so scared and alone. It is just overwhelming. No peace with me.
I just got done doing step one. I thought I would be much stronger.
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I have hope that my next minute will be better and to learn from my last minute.
Hopes I am I sorry that you are feeling so very stressed and upset. Living with this disease causes us to become filled with irrational fear and dread Alanon tools like living one day at a time , refusing to project to the future or ruminate about the past, the serenity prayer, reading program literature, calling alanon friends all help to lessen this fear.
Gratitude and asset lists also help to restore our shattered self esteem and self worth You will then start to believe that HP will guide your steps and you will be able to have a successful Life
I know this is a frightening time-I too was a stay at home mom when I decided that I could not live like this any longer and left Best action I ever took Keep coming back
I am going thru the same, I know exactly how you feel. My 13 year old is smart enough to see what a A her dad is, I'm so sad for my 4 year old, he still worships his daddy, but I imagine everyday that will change as well, the. All 3 of us will be without him. I wish I could be help to you because I live your pain. I hope you are strong, because that is what it'll take to save yourself. Good luck
Hopes- I vent here. It helps calm me, and then I read and remember I'm not alonE. There is nothing at all wrong with venting.
Living with an AH is a lonely and painful journey that I can relate to. For the most part, I have the hang of it and day-to-day things are okay. But every once in a while, he completely catches me off guard and there I am, right back at square one: this confused, hurt, crying mess.
I don't have all the answers, and I am not feeling particularly serene at the moment, but what I can tell you is that I know a place of serenity exists, and it is possible by working the steps, and detaching from his disease. hang in there, you are not alone.
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-1lostmom
"Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change"... Shoot, still working through that.
I agree, telling a person to leave can make them feel even worse, there is so much more to it or they woukd have left at the first sign of trouble. For me, my life, emotions, thoughts was so mixed in wth his that I had no real sense of self. Confusion and chaos along with many many false beliefs were part of it. People say you should leave because they think that is the answer to make you feel better, they are trying to help but its not very helpful. In alanon the understanding is there and nowhere else really. Its about building you up, looking at life differenlty making the right, long lasting changes and these are mostly to do with your thought processes. Its a vulnerable situation to be in when we depend on an alcoholic, they are not stable people to rely on due to the nature of the disease. I suggest going to meetings, reach out to alanoners as you have done here and work on your belief systems and thought processes, otherwise you are likely to continue in this misery, you have choices.x
I'm glad that you can vent here - it is ghastly when that crazy feeling takes hold.
Getting out and about helps me - spending time with folks that have regular lives (if there is such a thing ). After a remarkably short amount of time I find that I'm having a conversation and I'm not the slightest bit worried about it. It reminds me of who I was before the alcoholism started to affect my thinking as well as AH's.
I've been studying mindfulness meditation - as well as helping me to relax it also helps to remind me to pause and look at my feelings and compare them to reality. For instance at the moment I'm thinking things are pretty ghastly and like you, if I finish my marriage I'll be house hunting and job hunting and all the rest, so I get a bit panicked by my thoughts. But when I look at my day and what I've done and what has been done to me I can honestly say that today has been a good one - which kind of puts my panic in context (and it was dancing a merry dance just an hour ago).
Take good care of you and yourself and your children. Your choices are your own to choose as and when you want.
you got great esh here...i can't add anything useful to these great shares except to welcome you here...and VENT all u need to...discharging anger paves the way to finally grieving our losses and coming to a place of acceptance so we can finally move on from that which tormented us.....
i would read and re-read your thread here and put into practice what these good folks offered up to you.......So welcome to the group....lots of good wisdom and love here.......claim yours..........
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
also, I wouldn't discuss your A or situation with people who are not Alanon, because they cannot understand the situation.
Nobody should be telling you to leave.
Hope you will keep coming back to MIP and Alanon meetings, they will be your guide. I remember days like your having, its the alcoholics disease
affecting you .
Please keep coming back, because as long as your A is active it doesn't go away and you need to find the best solutions for yourself.
I don't think that was a "vent." I think that was a real share about real thoughts, real problems, and real issues with being married to an alcoholic. I am glad you spoke your truth because I guarantee there are millions of others out there feeling just the same as you.
What does happen with steady alanon participation is opportunities, choices, and strength develop over time. You get more of a support network. Doors that seem closed will crack open just a bit and sunlight (figuratively) will shine in. It won't happen overnight, but if you stick with alanon, it will happen.
So no...I agree "Just leave" is an insensitive and unrealistic thing to tell you at this point. Time and more Alanon will be your best solution for now. You do have reason for hope even if you don't see it yet. That honest share was a good indicator of hope too because it shows you are not in denial about your emotions and confusion.
A real part of what the picture is and looks like is in Beatrice's response because that is "the" reality. Outside of the program the responses to the vent are really just reactions without awareness and the simple response is "leave so and so". I'm so grateful to have gotten into the program as another choice rather than trying to find a solution with the same brain I used to stay in the problem.
I also didn't have an answer to "What is real anymore" when I first found Al-Anon and I also knew I was "insane". The solution was the Al-Anon Family Groups and the fellowship like MIP that knew what I was going thru and had the courage and love to guide me thru it. Thank you HP...God of my own understanding. Keep coming back. (((((hugs)))))
). After a remarkably short amount of time I find that I'm having a conversation and I'm not the slightest bit worried about it. It reminds me of who I was before the alcoholism started to affect my thinking as well as AH's.