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My son got 2.5 years and the judge was mad at him because what he said about his education, hard life and everything....my son thought that would help but it didn't....she gave him what the prosecutor wanted.
She told him he should have known better being such a smart person. Why he continued to self medicate and get behind the wheel of a vehicle. He could have killed somebody...and this and that. She was pissed at him. She told him to grow the hell up and get it together. And while in prison get into every programs available to get help.
She was absolutely right about everything but I can't stop crying right now. I know this will pass but I'm so hurting for him. I don't know what to say...I'm afraid.
I'm so sorry for the drama but I'm so so hurting...
Please some ESH so I can move on and get past this...
Oh God please help me...
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
My first though is at least you know where he is and help is available, my second thought is I have no idea how this feels and just want to send you some prayers, love and support! You are an awesome Mom and have a great al-anon recovery program, this too shall pass!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
((((((Hugs))))))) Cathy.
I hope that those tears will carry away your fears and some of the tensions of the past few months. Sending prayers for positive steps ahead for your son and lots of loving nurture for you.
Oh Cathy, I'm so sorry to hear about this. When everything is said and done, it's really the court dates that end up being the hardest for everyone. You have a God-given right/responsibility to hurt for him and grieve for him. I think it hurts that much more when judge says everything you have been thinking.
When my AW had her court date a few months ago, the judge gave her all kinds of hell. If I was just Joe Schmoe walking into that courtroom, I would have thought everything was all good, that that woman deserved what she got, and the lecturing and sentencing to 6 meetings a week even though her license was revoked and we live in the stix, but as her husband I wasn't happy about it. She actually got off easy in one way, she didn't get a felony because she voluntarily went to rehab, and the judge was pissed about that, and couldn't recall discussing it with our lawyer in chambers 2 months before, but gave her a misdemeanor anyway.
The only alternative she has had was to throw herself on the mercy of the probation officer. The PO has told her as long as she keeps her meetings up and is active he isn't going to make her go to 6 meetings a week. So there is hope that in prison if he stays active in programs he can get something out of it.
Again, so sorry Cathy, feel free to cry your eyes out tonight.
(((Cathy)) Crying is healthy and I do so understand.
When you can, take the time and reflect on what the judge said and did. I see that she spoke the truth, gave him the opportunity to get the help he needs and provided an environment that will facilitate that happening if he so chooses .
Cathy: If it is any help to you, he may also be up for parole before that time if that was the max? If not, the best I could do was one day at a time and sometimes just one minute at a time. I understand your grief to a large degree and I understand your concern, too. My days are labor intensive right not, but I am offering my prayers for blessings for both you and your son. Please be gentle with yourself and easy on yourself, too.
Cathy, don't minimize your pain and hurt. I don't know what it feels like to be going through this, I can only imagine the overwhelming emotions. We are standing with you...you will get through.
I say cry it out. No mom wants that for her son. Then...let the light in because you really thought death would occur before this and this is better than that.
I am so sorry Cathy! I remember sitting in the courtroom when my AH was sentenced and it was such a tough place to be. Forgive me for missing any of this story, but what was he being tried for? 2.5 years sounds like a long sentence. Sending you lots of hugs and prayers right now, too!!!
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Thank you all....I'm doing better now. I pray for him that he will see what has happen and why he is where he's at. I pray he can come to terms with his denial and start recovery while he is in prison. Will it finally happen...will he do the right thing this time... I sure pray so. I know for a fact right now he thinks he's being punished more any anyone else. He got screwed because he is a good person and he shouldn't be there. He isn't as bad as others.....yada yada yada. He will cry and cry and just say he's going to give up on life.
I don't know if he will come to God and realize that what he has done was wrong and that his lying and cheating was wrong and he will get some clarity someday and go into recovery. Right now he is not being honest with himself at all.
Bonnie....... This was his 3 DUI.. Aggravated DUI in the 4th. degree felony. Driving under a suspended license. His last DUI was a class 6 felony and the one before that was put side if he didn't get in trouble....... well that didn't happen did it.
I'm coming to terms with it and will support my son but right now I just don't know what to say to him. Many things go though my mind but to say anything will only make him feel I'm picking on him still. I just hope he figures it out for himself.
((( hugs )))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Cathy, you don't need to alter the truth for him. It is possible to say, I love you, but your self pity and diseased thinking is that of a criminal and that is why you are where you are. I love you anyhow more than words but this is reality as I see it. I could give two craps if he feels picked on by the truth, but I know I'm not in your shoes and it's not your job to say this to him either. The judge already did. BUT, if these are your values and you feel that way...you can say all this and also express love. If he thinks love means enabling and consigning self pity that is so bad it reinforces his criminal thinking, I wouldn't play along.
-- Edited by pinkchip on Wednesday 11th of June 2014 08:34:04 PM
Cathy: We can't control what anybody thinks or feels. We can only do our best to say what is in our minds and hearts in my experience. My son terminated a visit with me once and slammed down the phone. I didn't say anything harmful to him and I knew it. I hit a nerve when I spoke what was true and he didn't like it - or should I say the disease didn't like it. I didn't care what the disease thought or didn't think. I cared about that person underneath it and I knew when I spoke what was genuine and yet a hard truth it would reach him if not that day - another. Truth just won't go away no matter how hard we try to cover it up or deny it or run away from it. To me, it is part of love. Although my son has not chosen to work a program and is suffering consequences that I am not privy to and yet know he is, since that day and one other - whenever the disease tries its stuff and he is not completely swallowed up in it, I need only say: "Son, is this true?" The man underneath the disease will admit "No. It isn't." When he is completely swallowed up in it, I don't speak at all. There's nothing to say. I just wait for the Truth that lives in him to do its work. Once again, like Euchre, my Partner and his tells me "To stay home." HP can take all the tricks. S/He doesn't need any help from me. There's no guarantee since we're powerless that what we say or don't say will make any difference and yet Truth spoken does have power in my experience. I've learned to trust that even though I can get nervous about opening my mouth and letting what is True be present between us.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Wednesday 11th of June 2014 09:02:52 PM
-- Edited by grateful2be on Wednesday 11th of June 2014 09:03:26 PM
-- Edited by grateful2be on Wednesday 11th of June 2014 09:08:59 PM
Auwe!! (((((Cathy))))) your son has gone and earned this with his compulsion of the mind and allergy of the body...alcoholism. He isn't bad he's sick and for a while he will be separated from his usual supply. This might be God time...that time where it will be more easy to reach and touch HP than booze. I remember my sponsor working this with me while I was traumatizing as a consequence of the disease. "Run it thru the filter of the Serenity Prayer" he taught me and the slogans, the 3Cees. This is the reality of alcoholism and addiction...the real deal and we are powerless over it. I use to cry at times when feeling powerless until I came to the realization that the disease will and does roll onward in spite of me. "You don't have to like it" sponsor taught me "that is not required. That you accept it is". The first part of the first step levels me that part just before the "and". The part after the "and" is the part I will not allow anymore in my life to the best of my ability. I have no expectations other than "what goes around comes around" regarding my relapsed son and his family other than what I have already learn from this journey. "If nothing changes...nothing changes". The tears are yours. The sentence is his. Let go, Let God. Holding you up to HP. ((((hugs))))
well that didn't happen did it. 