Prayers for the boards/ how I'm feeling - Al-Anon Family Group

karma13 · Senior Member

Prayers for the boards/ how I'm feeling

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

karma13 wrote:
Is this board some clique where only long time members or members that all agree are welcome? I am feeling, I'm not welcome. If I am not let me know? I will delete my account. Tasha is my friend and I love her and that will not change..but I have room to love others as well and hear and learn from their experience. I feel very sad for the boards. This is a place where we are all suppose to come together, love and encourage one another and this is not happening. People are turning against one another. Please lets pray to our hp and lets put principles above personalities.

noo sweetie its not a clique.....and we didn't start anything, but i know they call me a pit bull at times b/c i will walk in peace but if one comes at me or a loved one or a fellow recovery mate, i will finish it.......you are sooo part of this too......and yes, i am sad , too, for the antipathy shown to us here, but it happens....nobody here asked for the "slice" job we got...our moderators did not ASK to be "saved" and / or ridiculed as "leaders" etc......we did not ask for this...we merely responded......and it will go away, eventually, if we say our peace and then detach ......

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Karma, I agree with all you say here, Im feeling that way too. Its upsetting because this is such a good place. I think there's room for all of us. Im glad you reached out like this, maybe it will clear the air. Ive never saw the program as separate before, I always thought of us as one really, all striving for recovery and just doing it in different ways. This may be the perfect time to Let Go and Let God, just let it go, thats what I plan to do, get back into my own serenity.
There have been lessons to learn and I think its all learning, the good and the bad. We will all be okay, we will work through it and possibly come out stronger. I feel you are welcome here, I have enjoyed your shares. Thank you.x

karma13 · Senior Member

I own my part in that I spoke my truth :) I have no ill will towards anyone on this board.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

el-cee wrote:
Karma, I agree with all you say here, Im feeling that way too. Its upsetting because this is such a good place. I think there's room for all of us. Im glad you reached out like this, maybe it will clear the air. Ive never saw the program as separate before, I always thought of us as one really, all striving for recovery and just doing it in different ways. This may be the perfect time to Let Go and Let God, just let it go, thats what I plan to do, get back into my own serenity.
There have been lessons to learn and I think its all learning, the good and the bad. We will all be okay, we will work through it and possibly come out stronger. I feel you are welcome here, I have enjoyed your shares. Thank you.x

AMEN, el-cee.....I have said what i had to say, now its time to walk away.....do my thing....buy some dog food and some stuff at grocery store and like you said.....Let go and let the universe.........your plan sounds like one I am gonna do as well......its time.....the darkness cannot keep on if we detach....i want my serenity back as well.....and oh yea, the lessons learned-----oh yea so even in negativity, one can find the positives if we look for it......and yea, this is a good place......nice share, el-cee

karma13 · Senior Member

Thank you Elcee :) I'm going to go do some readings and pray :) like you said get the focus back on me :) Much love and blessings

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

karma13 wrote:
I own my part in that I spoke my truth :) I have no ill will towards anyone on this board.

and that is what it is about (speaking my truth) without the jabs without the sarcasm and without the antipathy.....i, too, hold no ill will to anyone, but i will not be shoved around.......i call a spade a spade...not a weird shovel

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

karma13 wrote:
Thank you Elcee :) I'm going to go do some readings and pray :) like you said get the focus back on me :) Much love and blessings

now thats what i like to hear from someone who has come very far in her recovery, Karma......i , too, am getting the focus back on me......hugs

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks for the share.

John · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Karma! I tend to think that it would be a dangerous place, if everyone always agreed with me, didn't challenge something I said or did, and we simply had 11,000 clones of John here. My gawh, what a horrible experience it would be for everyone! LOL So, I am grateful that there are differences in our experiences, our way of expressing ourselves, our thinking, and our emotional sensitivity. Of course I can easily give kudu's to those that support my grand idea's, or something I say that is wackco, but what I find most valuable to me and what I pay the most attention to is the ones that don't. Here I get the opportunity to ask myself, what lesson is my HP trying to teach me though this person(s) or situation? Was it really the message I was carrying today, or was it my mess? What spiritual premise was I coming from when I posted or replied to this thread? Most times, both sides have a great element of truth in them, and if I'm not living in the black and white, all or nothing world, I can see the gray and its not ugly at all. Just another learning opportunity, or a place to identify an area of growth I might have to give more attention to.

Unfortunately, some people have very little life outside the walls of the monitor they are looking into all day. This is their only source of communication, support, social interaction, or daily activity, etc.
Equally unfortunate, is when they need a heart beat of excitement to happen in their lives, they are likely to find some form or fashion to create or indulge in online drama. They will find anything and everything that is wrong with what someone else says, or does, do some bashing of that person, get the drama train rolling, then stay aboard it to make sure it keeps rolling, even if they have to push it from behind the caboose. All you have to do is look at the original post of discontent and you will see who they are, they are all over it. Pray for them.

I too consider Tasha a dear friend. She is acutely aware of that. I love her to pieces. No one deserves the attack she underwent here due to a post she submitted. I strongly feel it could and should have been dealt with and handled much better than it was. Yes, it was kinda like her farting just a little bit, but it rising a pretty big stink. However, in my opinion more responsibility for that stink rest with those who replied so harshly, then the original post she submitted ever would have on its own power or breath. There is no spiritual principle that supports "brutal" honesty that I am aware of, and some of what she faced was nothing short of brutal. Did she handle it right by going to another board and calling us hen's or a hen house? Of course, not. But does that make her less than human? Does that make her fall out of our graces because she responded to some very hurt feelings? I would hope not. She called and I spoke with her at length today, and I heard the shuttering, the stifling, the cracked voice that was trying to withhold the tears of great pain. It was heartbreaking to me. It was not the laughter she tries to sometimes hide behind. It was the real Tasha that few here know of. I believe in my heart of hearts that this presented her with a opportunity to learn and grow and all indicators are that she has. Her heart is good, it already forgives the brutality it was exposed to here. I hope others will look at themselves and forgive her for farting. She didn't mean to.

(((Hugs&Hope))) sent forth to everyone.

John

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

In the past the strife type posts were removed. Even this one would have been, as this type of concern would be sent to John and or the moderators.

The reason is as you say, people end up not feeling safe and comfortable around here on the mip al anon message board.

I was ready to delete this until I saw John responding. I liked how he lightened it up.

In all the years I have been here I have never felt there were cliques. Never felt anyone felt above anyone else. If I did, I would wonder what "I" need to work on.

I hope you feel valued and very wanted here. You just shared your feelings and that took courage.

As I said I have been here for so many years, have seen changes and do my best to get used to them and accept them with grace. When inside I am thinking, "OK where is the mayo it was always here!" lol I didn't get this last one, I am still looking for things I may have missed...lol When the board was all fancy and changed I thought I was on the wrong page....I like to keep things simple, but on the other hand, mixing things up and having to figure them out helps me to grow!

Anyway lady you have LOTS to share, don't you move, we are famous for tossing the duct tape over to duct tape our peoples to their chair! hugs!

karma13 · Senior Member

I just wanted to say Thankyou for the replies, kind words And your esh
Blessings ;)

ClearTheFog · Senior Member

John wrote:

... by going to another board and calling us hen's or a hen house? ...

John

biggrin biggrin OMG. Suddenly, so many posts make sense to me now. I'm so completely clueless! There must be a bunch of other boards I don't know about. confuse Well I'm getting a lot out of this one. I keep repeating myself on this but I get more out of the day-to-day ESH and examples of working the program than anything, anywhere else, and sadly, much more than face-to-face meetings.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

I felt gossiped about on that board too. I read it. But erased the response I originally made. Not worth it. I will say I've been told that the way I share some opinions could be harmful before. I'm strong enough to take that because it's true. I didn't gossip on other boards about it. Shrug.

-- Edited by pinkchip on Wednesday 11th of June 2014 01:09:55 AM

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

I made one post one time on the AA board about how I really didn't get alanon. It was Jerry that listened to all that bs and told me calmly and warmly to come back here with a more open mind. Thank God I did.

DavidG · ~*Service Worker*~

I have a higher power and from that i love and respect my elders and I do listen to them.

I believe that if we were an official Alanon group the response to Jerry's posting might be seen as a reach of tradition 4. If the matter was taken forward I am sure they would kick it back and tell the group to clean up its own back yard.

For me having regular and routine conversations about group issues, and rules would be good.

Over the last week I went to two open AA meetings. If someone there is talking off topic they are closed down fast. That is fine, and for AA.

In my experience of Alanon the opposite happens. A new member of the group is given a chance to share and to be listened to. A new member to Alanon is offered six meetings- to decide if they belong.

Having double winners in Alanon is great... In the beginning Bill W. decided that our family members who had bin through AA should not take office at group reps. The reason for this is that He did not want Alanon to become just like AA.

Double winners are able and do take any other position with no distinction at all....

Alanon is different, and needs to be different.

I am a seasoned Alanon member here... I do not pull rank. I have no desire to have any set position of the board. But I do expect to be shown respect and to be listened to sometimes.

Everything we say and do here is saved... we have the opportunity to do our best, for ourselves and our own recovery, and for Alanon as a whole...

...writing this from a MacDonalds Food Bar in Wilmington NC.

take care out there... smile

DavidG.

-- Edited by DavidG on Wednesday 11th of June 2014 06:54:20 AM

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

It is different David. Good points. Probably the biggest lesson I learned here and the only time I voiced that a suggestion might be harmful was when it was given to a chronic relapsing alcoholic that just made their way back to AA that they should go to coda or ACOA because AA would not be enough. Other than in situations like that, I would not suggest potential harm as its a person without AA trying to tell a chronic relapser that AA isn't sufficient for their issues.

I believe the poster in this incident stated 40 years Alanon experience. Sounds like more than 6 meetings and long enough to know not to break other traditions. I will say, if I was at my first meeting and someone stood up and read those writings rather than telling me their personal journey and esh, I would leave and might not make six meetings.

I do understand the importance of being welcomed though.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks for your thoughts Mark

David comparing MIP Message Board to an alanon Face to Face is difficult Alanon face to face meetings have strict requirements for a no cross talk rule (after seeing what happened here this week I see why it is necessary) MIPS format invites cross talk on everyone share

Alanon has a chairperson who is responsible for maintaining the unity of the group by adhering to the format that the group established and making sure that the alanon members do likewise.

Anarchy does not rein in alanon. We are asked to comply with the traditions, which are unenforceable. MIP has Mods who are loosely responsible for the same

In My alanon meetings we choose a topic, read or speak about that topic for a few minutes and then the meeting is opened to members. Members are invited to share on the topic or any other alanon related topic. No outside literature is to be quoted and no other topic introduced . Although MIP does not announce this in banner writing, MIP members do attempt to adhere to the same guidelines. Just like at an alanon meeting ,the original poster was asked to post his ESH and not his conclusions. He was not banned or deleted.

I believe that what has happened here this past week would have been handled better if we could ask for a business meeting to discus issues and all would comply. Since this is not the case the Mods are charged with this task.
My part in the first debacle is that I saw outside material being presented that was not from someone.'s ESH and I responded.

The other incident was a little different I believed that I saw the unity and common welfare of the group threatened and I responded . I could have done so in a kinder gentler way. The amends for my part in this is that I reverted to my impersonal, direct, cold business like approach to the issue and forgot to include my heart and compassion. Lesson learned.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

You are a class act, Betty. Thank you for your unwavering service.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

John in the past I was told we are not to talk about other boards or the chat rooms situation on mip alanon message board.

This is what made me want to delete those messages. It is "your" aca mip board you nut! lol I know you have so many things going! The strife on that board is coming here.

Have my own feelings on it but will keep them to myself. Atmospheres are different in every group.

I care about our home very much. We do our best to read and respond to everyone we can. Also following the rules, traditions is our goal.

Am glad we are not "true" al anon with all the restrictions and the big brother is watching. I like the rules we go by. It has worked soooo many years. I do not want to not be able to say read Getting Them Sober or not be able to say you can get it at used book stores and order on amazon!

We don't need 100% structure and bars.

Betty and John and all the members together make our home a home. You don't have to be a mod to help watch over our board either. It is encouraged for everyone to come to us in pm. We are in this together! We all respond and share our esh! It's so valuable. I do feel humbled to be a mod! It means to me I get to show how much I care!

anyway.....hugs!!!

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

I will request this publicly and not in a pm. Let's please be mindful of maintaining anonymity for events or pm's that take place behind the scenes.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.