While I truly feel that the subject of Essay's has already gotten more attention than it should have because it took time and attention away from the newcomer and others in need of our time and attention, several people have PM'd me and asked that I be willing to copy my response to the thread about Relationships and post it again, so its not on page 2 of the thread which most people don't read. Now, I want to simply state before I post it here that my ES&H is my truth, my personal journey, my opinion, and what I have found works best for me as a Al-Anon member.  What I share below is no more important or valuable than what many others had to say related to this Relationship thread.  They shared their own truth and I believe it gave pause to all of us to not just see the differences, but also the unity that exist on this board even when there are expressed different idea's, thoughts and feelings.  The theme that I saw in the many replies was..."Our common welfare comes first".  And its from this position my reply was centered as a Al-Anon member.

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 Okay, I'll throw my almighty opinion at this one.  I honestly do not believe this post even belongs on the board.  It is not someone sharing their OWN ES&H and starts with the word YOU, instead of I.  If I wanted to read an article about relationships for whatever reason, I'd go to a site that publicizes them as their natch, and have experts in the field of relationship development and maintenance and read them.  In this "article" the words "your", your's, and "you" are repetitiously used, and the words "I, Me, Myself", are not present at all.  That being said, I can't see any personal experience, strength and hope being shared.  Nor do I see the words alcohol, alcoholism, or alcoholic in this article, and that is major stuff to me because I come to  Al-Anon as "Family and Friends" of alcoholics and want to learn how to live inside the framework of these relationships without drowning in the disease with the alcoholic I love and care about.

I want to hear what you have experienced.  The up's and down's.  The sad stuff and the stuff that gives you a "ha-ha" moment.  I want to hear about how you recovered from some of the old ideas and behaviors related to trying to live a normal life within an alcoholic relationship.  I want to learn and read about how you detached in a healthy way that allowed your alcoholic to keep their dignity while not interfering with or intervening on the consequences of their attitudes and actions.  I want to learn how you turn your alcoholic over to the care of God, and stop trying to manipulate and control events and circumstances for them, as though that's our role in the relationship.  I want to learn from your personal experience, the proper application of Al-Anon's 12 Steps and the benefits of utilizing them in our daily lives.  I want to learn how to stop allowing myself to be isolated from family, from friends, from activities I would enjoy that the disease of alcoholism has robbed me of.  I want to learn how to live my own life fully so that when I die, its not the alcoholics life that flashes before my eyes, because I lived their life instead of my own each day.  I want to hear about how you captured that moment of goodness and joy with your alcoholic today, instead of let resentfulness and animosity that is from yesterday steal that moment from you today.  When and how did you see that moment and how did you grab it?  Or even share with me how your own alcoholic illness stole another moment from you because you couldn't or wouldn't let go of yesterday, and it was allowed to take today from you too.  I want to hear your experience on how you encouraged the alcoholic who was making another promise, but protected your emotional center from the disappointment it could lead to, so your day isn't wrecked when that happens, should that be the case.  I want to hear about how you learned how to live where your feet are planted today, instead of where they were yesterday or where you hoped or dreaded they'd be tomorrow.  I need to hear about what you do one day at a time, to bring yourself into a better spiritual contact or connection with your Higher Power, so that you no longer feel alone on this journey.  I want to hear about how you developed a healthy support network in Al-Anon and found a sponsor that could guide you on your journey of recovery.

I want you to speak to me as a person to a person, and I want to be heard as a person to a person.

That's what I am here for today.  Tomorrow I might venture over to About.com and find an interesting article about relationships, read and enjoy it.  But today, I need another Al-Anon speaking Al-Anon to me.

And... what I want as stated above, is what you can expect to receive from me.  My personal experience, strength and hope.

John