Do you guys go on vacation with AH/AW? - Al-Anon Family Group

Venera · Senior Member

Do you guys go on vacation with AH/AW?

Luiza · Senior Member

Sorry I can't be much of help in terms of advice but I do wish you strength and all the best.

I have a vacation planned for end of August. It is just for one week and my H's family will come too(parents + brother + sister).
I am in two minds if I am going or not. Vacations are another excuse for indulging on alcohol (as though as he need an excuse anyway) and with his family there, specially his dad he feels encouraged to drink.

As for today I am still going. My daughter is only 7 and she deserves me to be there. Also everything is already paid for, it is too late for me to back off without having a loss.
But I am still going because his family will be there. I can have a alone time if I need and let them deal with H if he gets too drunk.
I am also intending to take the opportunity to let his family see I am at the end of my tether and why. I will not play any games or tolerate any unwanted behaviour towards me nor play down any conflicts.
So hopefully, if worse comes to worse and we separate, family will be fully aware of the reasons.

As for not seeing the whole picture with clear eyes, I feel like this most of the time. It is like I am kidding myself and trying to re-invent reality. Note that I still don't put the A in front of H, hoping it is just a phase (a long 9 years phase...yeah right...).

-- Edited by Luiza on Monday 9th of June 2014 07:52:34 PM

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

if i wanted to do something I did it...with or without him......i figured , even b4 recovery, that if he wanted to sit and drink and i wanted to do something i just did it.....now with recovery i have to laugh at what an independent spirit i had became, even as a child, running away and "shopping" for and finding a better family......

looking back, maybe my independence is what saved me from even more harm......

I say GO for it....do your thing.....with plenty of meetings, sponsor work re: the steps and slogans and coming here.....bon voyage

Beatrice · Senior Member

I agree with Neshema,

What's the difference if he is drinking on vacation or at home.

You will have a great big beach for yourself and you can practice detachment. Let his family deal with it.

I use to travel with my X spouse all the time. Before we would leave, I would attempt to make a pact.

Of course it never stopped the drinking, but he did control it somewhat.

I always enjoyed vacations, I worked too and I deserved them and planned to enjoy myself, whether he was drinking or not. Besides they won't let him on the plane to fly if he is drunk.

I never went on vacation with a lot of people, or family, that would not have been a vacation for me. My own opinion.

It's a personal choice I would think.

Enjoy yourself!!
Hugs, Bettina

-- Edited by Beatrice on Monday 9th of June 2014 08:00:49 PM

-- Edited by Beatrice on Monday 9th of June 2014 08:01:17 PM

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

My sponsor taught me to pick the outcome I wanted first and then make the decision to get it. That changed everything. That and "don't expect something from someone who cannot deliver". done. keep coming back ((((hugs)))) smile

John · ~*Service Worker*~

I go on vacations with and without my AGF, and she does the same. She recently went to reunite with her sister after a 20 year void between them. I was invited but just felt it was an important time for them to be together, without a third leg in the mix. As for drinking... I have no really big issue there. If there is drinking and it makes me uncomfortable, I can exit stage left, if it doesn't bother me I can participate and enjoy myself. My AGF is sober, and this is a big step in her recovery process. I hope she simply enjoys herself and doesn't sucker punched by all the family dynamics that can come into play and returns disappointed that she went.

John

SunshineGirl · Senior Member

When I started working my program, one of the first boundaries I set with AH was separate holidays. As our interests are so different now, sharing a holiday would be boring. No pleasure in it.

Venera · Senior Member

Thank you all for your feedback, I really appreciate that you share your experience. I will go this time and just wall away once it will become bothersome to be around him. Thanks!!

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Well I tried with mine but it was miserable.Even though he was on program, he needed his routine and tunnel vision to feel comfy.

I had to learn to do things on my own.

As I look at your situation, it seems you can find fun on your own. I tell ya the jewelry is so nice and inexpensive, oh and dental care...whooohoooo!

So I would not let his drinking bug me to be honest. learned to detach from it and enjoy the parts I do or did about him.

As far as where to stay, geez was nice of this friend to offer, but I am thinking an A with your huge family and a husband who drinks??

hmmm Well you could give it a go, if it feels bad,then get the motel, or get on craigslist and look for a temporary rental.

Just cuz someone is A and drinks does not mean they are bad to be around. hugs and hopen u have a great time in Mexico!

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