Gold medal?! Oops, sorry. We meant bronze... - Al-Anon Family Group

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

Gold medal?! Oops, sorry. We meant bronze...

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I believe we should speak up and let people know how we wish to be treated. I might say it different.

Friend, you know I always do my best to be on time. Remember we can only control ourselves.

I accept others as is, not my job to change them, if I can't then I am not around them.

coworker. I would have said I would like to talk to you, I need to get my point across then please feel free to respond.

I am not competitive competative, hmmm so as far as the medal, you will get there when ya do! Enjoy it, who cares how fast someone else is! We all have a different pace.

For me I want to be a loving as I can be. I don't want to judge, don't want to be better or whatever. Just want to live my life.

My mother was a rule follower, I had her wait for me as I went to the exterior pharmacy window, was pouring down rain. she was flustered I said mother you are not going to get into trouble by the pharmacy police! I used to do things just to bug her, blow up the gloves in the docs office, take that ear thingy and look into her ears...lol

I just like to lighten up! hugs!

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Congratulations, Newgirl for your placement, tenacity in pursuing your goals and making progress in martial arts. I think that is pretty incredible!

You also sound like you are feeling a little raw and teasing just isn't right for you right now? I'm a very sensitive person and there are times when teasing is wounding and not fun. I've learned to tell some dear friends of mine who are also big playful teasers - "Not today." They are caring people, too, so they stop. They don't make fun of me because I'm sensitive and they don't ask me "Can't you take a joke?" The answer would be: "No, not today."

Speaking up for myself has not come easy. I've experienced after burn when doing what is right and necessary for me - especially when I'm feeling very strongly about something that is affecting me adversely. The reactions or responses I receive when I say what I mean, mean what I say and don't say it mean tells me whether or not I will continue to interact with the person who won't allow me my own view without correcting it, discounting it or telling me how wrong it is. Regardless of how another person reacts or responds to what I say doesn't mean I shouldn't say it. Their reaction or response - unless I really am being inappropriate or out of line and I'll know that inside - is none of my business. Taking good care of myself is.

You are doing just fine and growing, Newgirl, and you're healing as you go for the gold!!!!!

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

Debilyn...I have lightened up a lot just from not living with AH. By being a rule follower I don't necessarily think I am rigid, I just do what is expected. I am told to wear a certain uniform at martial arts school, so I do it. My friend doesn't. So i get irritated when people get away with things. The school is not as strict as my last school, so I am always comparing the two places. They each have their pros and cons. Oh well,might guess there's more important things in life to worry about. I just don't tolerate mistakes well...like handing me a gold medal by mistake. Ugh

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

Congratulations on winning your medal Newlife girl, I think that is a tremendous achievement and it is just a shame that someone else's blunder has slightly taken the tarnish off it. You must enjoy your martial arts to have reached the podium though - well done.

I have a friend who studied martial arts in Japan and my understanding is that it is often about mental as well as physical discipline and I like the fact that you use the clothes you wear as part of that discipline when you are practicing. That's just my take on it, others are of course allowed to enjoy the physicality without the uniform if that is what they prefer. It was a real eye opener for me when I started to realise that I did not need to feel bad when other people messed up. I used to feel embarrassment for them and would have an urge to 'make things right.' Now I am a little better at stepping back and leaving them to it. There are so many alanon lessons that are having a positive affect on my wider life. It takes a load off as well

Btw, I completely get the 'fed up with being a good girl thing'. Sometimes I think that I would love to rebel and act out my feelings, but in the end I want to like myself and have as few regrets as possible, so I don't (plus I feel about 7 years old when I catch myself thinking that way so, being 54, I end up giggling at myself instead and the moment passes)!

When I'm mindful that I am making my own choices and my own rules for my life it helps me a lot. If a rule makes me feel uncomfortable these days I stop and look at why and then make my own mind up about whether it is something that, on balance, I would like to feel comfortable with. In a way I feel like the whole process has slowed my life down a bit and sometimes I feel a bit weird about that - other times I think it is a blessing because I'm actually feeling my life more than I used to.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

Kudos to you for doing any of the martial arts, stuff, that takes courage and perseverance and so much more than I am aware of! Speaking up is hard after many years of self protection....by speaking it here you are speaking up. When you get your footing, you will practice enough to feel more comfortable in taking it to the streets. Like in martial arts, you will get to practice your moves, strength and stamina before you really enter the ring confidently. You are doing great!

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I am a perfectionist and can relate to lots in your post. Rule breakers can bother me at times and other times I can detach and teasing doesn't always bother me, but sometimes I have to look at my friend or boyfriend who is a big teaser and say enough. They get it and lay off knowing I am having a day. To me it is important to get to the route of why are others keeping you from being serene. people are going to be people who break rules are disorganized and well just different then us and I usually appreciate without judging our differences, but when I am triggered by so many outside things I have to stop and dig to see what is at the core of my triggers inside myself. Sending you love and support on your journey!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.