The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It seems when I have vented about someone else (alcoholic son) it turned out to be taking someone elses agenda! Regardless if it was my son or not, it was another human being. Then when I really thought about it further I wouldn't have had that vent on my mind if I would have never expected anything with in reason from an ordinary recovering alcoholic with or without a program. It takes time for them to get it right just as it took time for me to get to a more "awareness" state of mind than I was before when I was the big ENABLER. So then I backed off and said to myself, how dare you even think about someone elses trash, when you still have trash hanging on that you have yet to become aware of! Staying on my side of the street is a constant battle just from being around people. The Beam in my eye is still lodged there. og
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Don't Worry About Growing Old, It Is A Privilege For Some Of Us.....
This is so true, im always taking others inventories, expecting them to behave a certain way and feeling resentful when they dont. This is my biggest struggle. There are a few things that help me, remembering that I have so much work to do on me, take my eyes off others, their path belongs to them and I have no right to be on it or judging it. Also, someone said that when I point one finger I have 2 or 3, cant remember how many, pointing back at me. So I have more to work on than them. Also, I find that the parts of a person I dont like are actually the same parts I hate about myself so it is all about me.
To accept people and myself for exactly what they are right now is serenity to me. To take the world as is and not how I would have it is such a relief but I find it hard to keep hold of.x
So true, OG. I fail often. If I had no expectations, I would not get conflicted in my relationships, if I kept things simple, I would not get muddled, if I lived by "to thine own self be true" I would be free, if I took care of my own garbage, I would have less time to see stuff that is not mine. My head is spinning today because I have not done what I just typed about. So, I will do my best to live in the moments that are left in the day as they come. I will love anyway even though I don't feel like it....I am asking God to help me to love anyway, just because and without any expectations.
OG it really is all a process and I have learned to expect progress not perfection from myself and others. I believe the awareness that you just shared and your acceptance of what you found is huge and indicates great growth.
Before program, I truly believed I was perfect and had not defects. I knew how everyone should run their lives and my eye was always on others. Judging, advising, finding them wanting and in error. I had many principles that I held others to and judged them accordingly I never took those same principles and looked at myself or if I did I blamed others for my bad behavior and went back to being my "Perfect" self.
Program changed all that and forced me to stop looking at others, stop judging, critiquing, giving advice and to start to look at myself. What a gift that was.
I love the quote in the ODAT that states:To give advice to other is to intrude , to give advice to yourself is to grow."
( To take the world as is and not how I would have it is such a relief but I find it hard to keep hold of)
I can relate so much to what you are all saying. I struggle with this every day. So often when I think I am working on myself, often I discover that what I am really doing is taking my AH's inventory, trying to "manage" his recovery and make it fit my own idea of what needs to happen. I suppose that's the fear talking. It makes things so unclear. And what am I afraid of...losing this life? Because truthfully, the life we've been living is nothing for a sane person to hang onto. Why am I afraid of losing that?
It's a murky world I live in. Nothing is clear and the way is lit for only a short distance ahead of me. Meetings have brought a little clarity to my life. The program, slogans and esp. the success of others is very encouraging. They have walked these roads before me and rediscovered happiness and love again. I guess a body can't ask for more than that...inspiration. Now it's time for me to get down to the business of saving myself.
Thanks, Og, for your share. I posted at your other thread and am tired. I did want to thank you for sharing some of your insights and program work. I appreciate it.
