The material presented
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I just found this forum a few days ago. I've been to my first three f2f meetings the last three days.
i know one of the three C's is control. We can't control them ..... But Saturday I took his car for the first half of the day and didn't leave him with keys to mine. I really want to take it again today.
*a few weeks ago he was in the hospital for a week for detox. He did great when he came home. The happiest I've seen him in ages. The last few days have been pretty bad.
*he doesn't have a job again so he doesn't need the car. He only uses it to "get out of the house and drive around". I know it's also when he drinks. He doesn't do it at home.
*it is controlling when I take the car.... But it's also a huge safety thing too
*its only 6:17am and he is already out for his second drive this morning :(
-- Edited by Saraeisme on Monday 2nd of June 2014 08:18:29 AM
Hugs and welcome, I'm glad you are attending face to face meetings they do make a huge difference. I would suggest that you find a sponsor and start working the steps. Finding a sponsor helped me detach from my qualified although I did hang on to the point of my fingers being pried loose .. lol.
For me as I detach myself from my qualifier who I am no longer with, I find it easier to try not to fix, meddle and control things, while allowing the natural consequences of his actions to hit him. Easy to say .. hard to do. The quality of my life got better and I wouldn't trade that for the world. I can find happiness regardless if the A is drinking or not.
I hope you will keep coming back.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Welcome I am glad that you found alanon and have attended the meetings I suggested that you do just that in your message above.
You are correct, we did not cause this illness, cannot control it and cannot cure it The best we can do is take care of our own mental health and attitudes. Alanon meetings, literature and posting here will help you stay focused on yourself, live one day at a time and trust that life will unfold as it should .
Prayers for courage, serenity and wisdom do not go unanswered
Welcome to MIP. It may be a control thing to take the keys from him, but it is a huge safety and liability thing too, as you said. I wish I would have taken keys from my AW more. She ended up getting two DUIs, which have been a huge burden on our family, both financially (>$20,000 spent on this) and my time - having to drive son everywhere.
Plus, she could have killed herself, an occupant, or an innocent person(s). The liability on those is much larger, not to mention the feelings of guild that would be forever induced.
So, for that one, we have to balance that control with concern for safety. It becomes even more than a family disease at that point, it becomes a community disease, with devastating consequences.
My wife has lost her license for a year. Once she has it back in November, She will have my blessing to drive. But I will have no hesitation to take the keys from her if I think she has been drinking. She is in good recovery now, but relapse is always one drink away.
Welcome. I think Alanon teaches us that the alcoholics choices are not ours to control monitor watch. If he injures himself or others then he is solely responsible. No guilt belongs to you. I would feel guilt for not doing my own part. Don't leave your keys lying around. If you see him drink driving then maybe doing the right thing is calling the police. We can't cover up for them it helps them stay in the denial they are living in. The consequences are usually the proper ones due to them and can force change.
if all your assets are joint, there is a possibility if he kills or disables someone due to car wreck, the injured party in a law suit could attach your assets for satisfaction of remedies.....i would not leave car keys lying around AND when he does take car and is drinking, call the cops.....
Reading this makes me sooo glad i got out and no longer have to worry about a drunk driver killing someone while with me.....this is not control, trying to protect innocent people on the road and your financial future......if the wreck is bad enough and law suit goes over what insurance covers, the injured party can go after your joint assets b/c he owns half of them......at least in my state that is so......you could be ???'d about why did you not call police when he took off drinking and driving.....i think i would get all my stuff in my name only, separate cars, separate everything......control is trying to get him to change...protecting your assets is quite another......i would consult an atty for what your rights are and how to protect yourself....if you have no money, maybe you could get guidance from a paralegal somewhere or a womans shelter.....OR talk w/the cops in your local police station....i would want to know where i stand re: liability for his drunk driving and its aftermath......just tossing ideas out there for you......
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
