The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was at an Alanon meeting and I heard this analogy that was and is so me. In the beginning of my disease, I am like a dog. Always at the door listening, waiting for AH. A little pat and we are all happy. I will be so happy as long as he makes it home. At some point, we need to be like a cat. Taking care of ourselves.
I was at service and my mind has this image of me walking to Mordor just like Frodo. Navigating through the marshland and death traps. Upon reaching the mount of doom, I would not throw the ring away. I want to cling on to AH even though I know he will cause the death of my love ones and me. To let go, Frodo was hurt but the cloud cleared. Just like me. Moving out was tough but now my mind is clearer. Praise God for these 3 weeks of being a cat.
Metaphors...speaking in pictures...most always has worked for me where at first the mere suggestion of "what do I have to do so that you can get it...draw you a picture"?!! use to anger and depress me. Please continue to use pictures so that I can continue to "get it". (((((hugs)))))
Haha, love it. You are so right, cats are detached animals, not sure about the with love part though, they can be stuck up and aloof, lol. yes I was a dog too. I would like to think of myself as a gorilla, the good of the majority including myself in that as apposed to the good of the one, this was my obsession over the alcoholic. Gorillas are loving and gentle but fierce when they need to be, yep thats my goal.
I have my cats here so I will observe them and learn from their actions. Nisa has detached where maybe if my son had a dog, he would be depressed because his master wasn't here. Nisa has come to except her surroundings and doing quite well taking care of herself.
Thanks for giving me pictures and thoughts on another way to reason out problems in my mind...
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Love it!! I feel like a dog too. Felt more like a dog when I lived with AH. I would get that little pat once his state of drunkenness would wear off. Wow. I can see it clearly. My AH didn't go out to drink, so I wasn't waiting at the door, but I was waiting around the house all day long sometimes. Waiting to be able to talk to a person who needed to get the alcohol out so he could talk clearly. Then, then I would make him understand how wrong he was and I was hoping I would have some magic for him. He would tell me I was right, he was sorry. (The bone I was waiting for) then I would wait and wait for the same scene to repeat itself. It would...then I would get a pat or a bone to hold me over until next time. No wonder I was having so much fear and anxiety. Waiting for my "owner" to come home. Thank you for your wonderful insight.
I remember that when I was behaving like a dog, I would also hang onto my phone for dear life. I would be worried if he calls and I miss it and therefore go drink. If he is in trouble, I will not be there. Ifs... Each time I go out with my friends, they will see me checking phone every minute. It was pure insanity.
Well, I have a problem with this post - I mean, look at me!!
Actually, it is somewhat accurate. One of our dogs, Sunshine, (not the on in the picture, that is Daisy) was from a Sheltie rescue, and the day we brought her home, she stuck to my wife like glue. She doesn't herd, she just follows my wife around. If we leave, we have to lock her in our mud room, because she gets separation anxiety and will go out and eat pillows if wife isn't around. My wife's 30 day stint in rehab may have been harder on our dog than it was on the wife.
We have made many codependency jokes about her.
But, dogs are made to be that way. Well, Sunshine is a little extreme, but dogs are naturally codependent. It would take a long time for them to leave if their owner would start beating them. But that is how they are programmed. When they live with each other, whether feral, coyote, or wolf, they have an orderly dominance hierarchy in the pack, and once rules are established, everyone knows who they are.
Humans, on the other hand, weren't meant to be codependent. If someone is being abused, they should leave IMO. If someone isn't getting what they want out of the relationship, and it's because they haven't told the other person what that is, then shame on them for "just trying to get along". I certainly tend towards that, I have to watch myself closely.
Kenny
-- Edited by KennyFenderjazz on Monday 2nd of June 2014 10:14:57 PM
