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He said he just got in from out of town and been working hard he was dirty,he wanted to get some. Of his clothes and shower,I asked him where he was staying he said here and there,so I dunno,why he couldn't take a bath where he was staying????any ways he was straight as far as I could tell,said he would be back this morning to get all his stuff out of my way.i don't understand what he is doing.any esh here would be welcome ty,,,hugs lookingup
Sounds like keeping tabs on you and monitoring your attitude as to how much he can manipulate you, your loneliness, whether you'll stick to your word, and lingering feelings you have and then he will try and get back in the home. In other words, he's testing your boundaries.
-- Edited by pinkchip on Saturday 31st of May 2014 07:30:57 AM
He is doing manipulation...even when they are "straight" they are manipulating, conning. Only recovery uncovers/releases the manipulations....they are like barnacles in the brain cells.
That is one feeling I do not get. I don't really feel lonely. I am quite comfortable being with me. Lol now angry that people are testing my boundaries. Yep that is annoying. I need help with that one. Not so much the anger because I think it is quite normal reaction to "overstepping". However most people you can tell and they don't do it again or they get "mad" and leave.
Sounds like keeping tabs on you and monitoring your attitude as to how much he can manipulate you, your loneliness, whether you'll stick to your word, and lingering feelings you have and then he will try and get back in the home. In other words, he's testing your boundaries.
-- Edited by pinkchip on Saturday 31st of May 2014 07:30:57 AM
ohhh I could NOT agree with Pinkchip more.....PC you took the words right, literally, out of my mouth......LU he is scoping you out...seeing just what, if any, concessions, giving in you will do........stand strong......its a HUGE test....U can do it...work your program....write down on a list what all the reasons why this relationship broke up in the first place, not in recovery, drinking, etc.....just remember why you broke up and beliave you me....he is not gonna change anytime soon....did he mention AA meets??? getting sponsor?? getting into rehab???? of course not.....its the same ole same ole trying a different door to open
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
i just read everyone elses posts...seems we are all on same page........now...can this many people be wrong?????? its your choice, but you did ask and we responded.......hope you take care of you , its about time....YOU need you
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
One thing I always try to do when I set boundaries, whether that is with an A, at work, in Boy Scout leadership, wherever. I try to make sure everyone knows what they are, and what the consequences would be. Then, when they are crossed, I can simply state that they crossed the line and they need to back off, or dispassionately deal the consequences.
I don't get mad. Everybody crosses it once in a while. It's what people do, including me, whether on purpose or by mistake. The only person I could get mad at is me if I let someone cross it, because I have just showed them that my boundaries aren't serious.
Best to keep focus on self. What are you doing? How are you feeling? And not think too much about what he is doing. I literally drove myself crazy for many years thinking about whatever he I was with at that time. I wasted a lot of time doing that and in the end I never understood what any of them were doing or thinking. Ha ha and I still don't understand what the man I am with now is doing or thinking a lot of the time. Thank god for the program, I try to figure it out so much less now.The one person I can make a attempt to figure out is me;) do you like to do garden? Go to coffee(alanon fellowship) call some program friends, crochet, craft, exercise...what have you always wanted to do? Treat yourself the way you would treat your best friend because you are;)
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I needed these behaviors in my past they helped me survive I'm finding new and better ways to not just survive but thrive
