The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been told three times now in the last couple of weeks that I'm too hard on myself.
The first, and toughest, came when I was working my 5th step with my sponsor. At one point I had to just stop the process and say "I'm fed up!" because I was just in tears seeing my behavioral patterns over and over and over again and again and again. Thank God for a loving sponsor. She told me in so many words that I am extraordinarily hard on myself, and out of all her sponsees (and she's had MANY) I've been the most thorough she's ever seen with my inventory. And I balked at that, even then - being hard on myself, because I thought I hadn't been thorough enough.
Then this week, I flipped out on an employee. She's one of those challenging people who is ALWAYS late with everything and then puts the rest of the team in a bind because she cannot manage her time. She was three hours late with something yesterday and when she finally turned it in so I could move the product along, she comes running into my office a minute later asking to make a change to it. I blew up at her, just saying "NO! It's too late. We're already three hours behind."
Little did I know, she had the customer associated with this thing right in the other room, who probably heard everything. I had a conversation with this employee's supervisor and we eventually worked everything through, but I was just mortified that I had lost it like that with the very customer in earshot and kept apologizing for my behavior.
The supervisor, a fellow co-worker of mine told me I was fine and that the whole situation had warranted a reaction like that. I still felt the need to turn myself in to my boss regarding my behavior. My boss is great and just laughed and told me I'm too hard on myself. And then today my co-worker came in and told me the same thing.
So it's known to me that I continue to hold myself to sometimes impossibly high standards. This can lead to some really debilitating depression for me at times - always telling myself "I should be better".
I did well with accepting my flaws for a while, but the negative self-talk is back, for sure. :/
(((A))) (((A))) (((A))) "...always telling myself "I should be better." Better than what, Aloha? Better than whom? Seems to me that you are the only Aloha on our board whom I always like to read. Tell me who we could put in your place that might be better than you? Who could replace the you that you are besides you? Did you notice that your 5th Step share helped your sponsor be kind and encouraging? Did you see that the employee's supervisor was able to practice being merciful with you? Did you notice that you helped your boss laugh (and maybe s/he needed to?) and to offer you a gift of affirmation that benefitted both the giver and the receiver? You've done a Step 3. You turned your will and your life into God's hands and right now - you are the best you you can be. Can that be enough for you now? It sure looks like it is enough for your sponsor, your co-worker, your boss and me. We couldn't all be wrong, could we?
-- Edited by grateful2be on Thursday 29th of May 2014 07:00:12 PM
-- Edited by grateful2be on Thursday 29th of May 2014 07:06:18 PM
-- Edited by grateful2be on Thursday 29th of May 2014 07:06:38 PM
So it's known to me that I continue to hold myself to sometimes impossibly high standards. This can lead to some really debilitating depression for me at times - always telling myself "I should be better".
I did well with accepting my flaws for a while, but the negative self-talk is back, for sure. :/
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oh i can so relate to this.....affirmations don't work for me, so I TREAT me better, or at least try.....oh yea, *negative self-talk* can relate big time......i am "ok" with me as long as i don't do a mistake out of not paying attention or not being grounded....its like i can't forgive me for not "being present" or being grounded......also it doesn't help to have been brainwashed that i was a failure, jerk, useless, reject, defect......oh yea, they were "real nice" to me.....undoing all that damage, where do I start???? i just start over when i do that
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
You just described me. I am just like this too. I seem to strive for perfection in my own behaviour and yet I would never expect it in others. Others imperfections can grate on my nerves but I am more understanding and spend more time accepting their flaws, its mine I have trouble accepting. Im trying to see myself like my own best friend, someone told me to look in the mirror everh day and tell myself I love me and I will treat me with kindness and respect. Ive not really tried it but I think I should. When I have a good connection with my hkgher power I am much kinder to myself because I know my higher power wants me to be happy and be treated with kindness.
