The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My life is completely insane and I know I am part to blame. My AH left 3 weeks ago to a 1/2 house. He told me after 2 weeks of not hearing from him that he is to pretend or act as if he is no longer married, he is not allowed to call home and can only talk to me for 2 minutes at a time. Finally he had me come visit this past Saturday and the whole visit went South and I was removed from the property and told I am banned. My husband however said nothing, not a word that he was part of the issue, nope just stood there like a dummy. He isn't supposed to call me because he is on restrictions, but yet he sneaks calls out and asks for things he needs and wants them delivered. He is manipulating all the folks at his new resident home and I can clearly see that. So I lost my cool took all his clothes to the home and dumped them.
I am a work in progress not perfection however I know that was just stupid. I mean just really really stupid. So I made amends to the home because I should that is the right thing to do. My side of the street can be clean again. I am crying and crying over the loss of my marriage and doing lots of high engery stuff to disolve the anger. I will never see the fairness in the courts ordering addicts to recovery repeatedly but never ordering them to pay for all the damage they have done financially. It's just plain wrong. I just wish with all my heart I have never met my husband.
__________________
Linda
Don't worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will have it's own worries
Hi, Flower. I'm sorry things went so poorly at the recovery house for you. There are a lot of things that don't make sense when we're married to an alcoholic. Unfortunately, it is true that oftentimes, we seem to be left picking up the slack and being held responsible for what two people created because they've been affected by a disease that no one caused, can control or cure. You did something that you don't feel good about and you made the amends you could make. As you know, we're not only powerless over the person with the disease and all the consequences, we are also powerless over the other people who get involved in the drama or aftermath of it. We are powerless over the ways the disease has affected us and our need for healing is as great as the As.
I don't know if you are attending Al-Anon meetings? It is suggested that newly recovering As attend 90 meetings in 90 days. Maybe that wisdom for As might also be helpful to you? It sounds to me as if you are long over due for some face to face encouragement and support to help you through this very difficult time for you? If anybody can understand what you are going through, it is our Al-Anon groups. Please come back here, too. Working the Al-Anon program can make such a difference for you. It sure made a big difference for me. (((F)))
-- Edited by grateful2be on Wednesday 28th of May 2014 10:48:26 PM
Thank you grateful2be for your words of wisdom. I do attend Al-Anon but still have the bad habit of trying to make it on my own. It made me see things in an entirely different light that I am also powerless over the other people involved in the drama. I now can see they are only focusing on his recovery and no one else is to be involved. If that is what it takes. I broke down yesterday and thought I was going to have to be admitted for a nervous breakdown, but through all the pain I picked up the phone and called some folks, I called his Inpatient Treatment Center and spoke to the Family Department and my counselor there. I also have a referral to a new counselor that specializes in these matters. I am working on recentering and focusing only on myself and only day by day. I figure whenever he gets around to it or is able to he will call and when he does I will set the boundary that Yes we can talk but only for specific period of time and we are only going to address one or two issues in that timeframe. I can't take on the entire elephant in the room.
__________________
Linda
Don't worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will have it's own worries
My life is completely insane and I know I am part to blame. My AH left 3 weeks ago to a 1/2 house. He told me after 2 weeks of not hearing from him that he is to pretend or act as if he is no longer married, he is not allowed to call home and can only talk to me for 2 minutes at a time. Finally he had me come visit this past Saturday and the whole visit went South and I was removed from the property and told I am banned. My husband however said nothing, not a word that he was part of the issue, nope just stood there like a dummy. He isn't supposed to call me because he is on restrictions, but yet he sneaks calls out and asks for things he needs and wants them delivered. He is manipulating all the folks at his new resident home and I can clearly see that. So I lost my cool took all his clothes to the home and dumped them.