The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I went to a meeting last night near my home. I haven't been to this particular meeting in awhile. My schedule didn't permit it. Finally, I could go. I have to admit that I sat there blinking in disbelief. There are people who have been in the program for a long, long time. The preamble includes a guide to keep crosstalk to a minimum? One person likes to sum up for everybody what he's heard and how that can be applied to our lives from the shares. And what I heard there from some of them just seemed to me as if they hadn't moved an inch from where they've been in their minds or their hearts for a long time. They've gotten older and they've been in the program awhile and seem stuck in an endless cycle that goes nowhere from the outside looking in.
I considered whether or not I want to return to the group. I want to grow. I want to be with people who truly do apply the program to their lives and keep applying it so that I can learn from them and not hear the same things repeated over and over again. I don't want to hold somebody's hand while they stay in hell and say dishonest "sorries" or "that's gotta be hard" about the same stuff I've heard and heard and heard.
In the pondering of whether or not I wanted to return to this particular meeting, a few things came to me. #1. A meeting is better than no meeting. #2. I did hear a topic that I needed to hear that night. #3. I was able to share my own e/s/h. #4. My business is to continue to apply what I'm learning from my sponsor and from others who are growing and applying what they've learned to their lives. #5. It's not my business whether or not some in the group keep looking for yet another round of gentle understanding about the same issue that really is changeable. They just don't want to change it. That's their business. #7. My business is to stick with those who do want to grow and show it in their shares and in their actions and leave others where they are. To take what I like and leave the rest. #8. Would I have even seen any of these things at this particular meeting if I wasn't on the MIP board so often? Maybe not. I'm glad that I do.
Thanks all for being here. In the unity of this fellowship I have been able to grow. I have been able to take some of what I've learned here into my own groups where some of the slogans that are used here and some of the ways folks interact here are unknown. I talked to my former sponsor last night after the meeting and shared some of the phrases that are used here with her. That was fun. She is one who is growing in the program and always has since I've known her. I loved sharing some of what you've taught me with her. She will take some of that into her groups, too. We're not just here for ourselves. We're here for others beyond this board who are in Al-Anon Recovery, too. I like that about us.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Wednesday 28th of May 2014 06:58:09 PM
When I hear this I always think it is the true meaning of "letting go". Letting go people places and things that no longer serve you. The soul has a calling you just have to listen to it whisper.
Grateful have you seen the new workbook? I'm going to start that sooner than later, it's a spiral bound and got a greenish cover .. you may want to add that to your catalog of books as it's a wonderful tool to have .. I miss my Sunday night book study meeting. We always do the steps, traditions and then they are also doing concepts which I think is pretty awesome as well.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Serenity: I have seen it and have decided not to buy it right now. I've got so much literature in my stacks now, I can't even remember all that I do have. In our area, we have mainly step nights and topic nights. That's about it. When I read there are meetings that offer some of what you've said you miss, I get excited about the possibilities for a different kind of meeting in our location. I've tried to start an 11th Step meeting here like one I attended for awhile in another location, but there didn't seem to be in the interest in starting new groups or new types of groups here at that time.
The nice thing about my upcoming retirement is that I can go to other group meetings in addition to this one. I work most nights and most of our meetings in my city are at night with two others at noon during the days that I work. I have frequented them all - some more Al-Anon growth in recovery than others. This one is close to my home and is easily accessible on Tuesday nights now that one of my night programs are finished. I'm simply astonished though at how one can be in Al-anon for years and still not grow. Learning to apply the program even to a particular group's meeting is a new one for me that I do think has come about in part because of the MIP board and just learning from others in other parts of the country and the world. I've been in Al-anon since 1979 in two different States. And still, there is so much to learn that I don't think I would have without being on the board because of the cities in which I've lived.
I'd love to live in San Francisco where I stayed for 3 weeks several years ago. They seem to have meetings going on all the time in multiple locations at once any day of the week. I loved being there for that reason - having so many options and so many choices to consider for meetings and groups. It is my hope that some of the old timers in my old home group who are also retiring close to the same time as me will be open to starting a new meeting that is different than what we already have here. None of them attend this one meeting I talked about and all of them are people who truly have accepted and applied the program. Who knows? Maybe we can start a new meeting with a new flavor and still work within the structure of Al-Anon?
-- Edited by grateful2be on Wednesday 28th of May 2014 07:33:17 PM
-- Edited by grateful2be on Wednesday 28th of May 2014 11:16:39 PM
(((P & hotrod))) You two have helped me see what I've needed to see in working this program and I am so very, very grateful to you both for being who you are and being the loving people you have been to me in this fellowship of equals. I appreciate the both of you so much. You are some of the beautiful flowers in the garden of my life.
When I hear this I always think it is the true meaning of "letting go". Letting go people places and things that no longer serve you. The soul has a calling you just have to listen to it whisper.
oh i agree....i gotta grow...learn..progress....if i can't find it in place A, I am on to place B.....stagnation begins to smell after a while
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I am grateful for this thread, a much-needed message coming through to me loud and clear is about moving on from people, places and things that no longer serve me.
You're welcome, Sunshine. To me, that is what growth is about in our program - moving on from what we have outgrown into the next leg of our journey in a way that reflects what is most true in and about us. We never "arrive," but we can choose to stretch towards our highest potential and keep growing in ways that our HP encourages and supports. Glad you're here.
I want what you want to, and I learn by watching and listening and doing, I clash with certain character types, especially controlling self opinionated people, an old responce to avoiding this for me would be flight, so I started to ask myself why certain people got to me soooo much, I figured that they too had demons they were fighting and they didn;t know they didn't know, it's still not enough for me to just know I know, I need to be able to deal with my emotions and a great tester for me is to be amongst difficult people sometimes and not come away beating myself up, I would prefer to avoid these situations in all circumstances and at all costs but it's everywhere, I actually feel very vulnerable when I am in a situation when there is a very dominant person who is strong and verbal, and not nesacarily right, of course in my opinion, luckily every now and then a very different very special beautiful soul enters my sphere, and you my friend are very much someone that practices humility and kindness in away I want to do that too, maybe that group needed you!
Oh, my. Now between you and Sunshine - my first posters that I'm reading at 4:07 a.m., I do believe this old gal is blushing. And I hardly ever, ever blush. (((K))) This is a long, long arm stretch from the States to the UK and I'm not a big hugger - but I'm going to try to send it to you anyway! Thank you.
I do wonder if the most opinionated and controlling people are the most fearful and just don't know how to let somebody know just how frightened they really are?
-- Edited by grateful2be on Thursday 29th of May 2014 03:13:01 AM
Oh I so get this, I have felt like this before too. It becomes so easy to spot recovery and those who work it and also easy to spot those who are stuck. Its not good and can suck you in to the whole negativity and pity party. No way!!! I lived there my whole life and Im not going back.
I went to a meeting a bit like this before and it was like a going to a coffee morning where they just sat about and chatted and the talk was not Alanon. This made me appreciate my home group even more because my group is very strict about cross talk and every week the yellow card is highlighted, 'Only Alanon Spoken Here' Im so grateful to those strict old timers.
However, Im the group rep now and I went to my first meeting with all the other reps. The rep for the group that seems dysfunctional actually spoke about how they had let things slide and were working on getting back to traditions and principles. That warmed my heart because I thought well groups can be like people, they can have slips, but they had enough recovery to recognise it. You may be, wait, you will definitely be a brilliant addition.x
Did you mean I'll be a belter addition, el cee? Giggle. I'm really glad we're both in Al-Anon, el cee, and on this wee board together. You make me think. You make me laugh. And you teach me a wee bit of your language to store in my noggin noo. (((el cee)))
-- Edited by grateful2be on Thursday 29th of May 2014 04:48:39 PM
You got to share E/S/H?! Lucky you! LOL. Seriously, I have wondered what the point is with my local group (which I hardly really go to any more). No crosstalk, of course, I understand that, but somehow that got translated into no talking, ever, unless you are sharing, and even then it's only about you. So I have no idea what other people are talking about with ESH in their face to face meetings. I'm kind of relieved to read how you felt, G2B. You also highlighted something I'm trying like crazy to implement, myself, which is calming the heck down and listening to the message, or opening myself up to anything else that I didn't plan on, happening in an encounter with another person or group, if an event or meeting didn't turn out how I expected it to.
I also like Truth's bit about the whisper.
I get miles more out of reading everybody's sage replies and ESH here, than any group meeting. It's so hard to beat that.
-- Edited by ClearTheFog on Friday 30th of May 2014 06:38:33 PM
Good work GB. Your wisdom is a powerfull example of working this program and growing in understanding and acceptance. 
