The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just got back from getting my hair done. I had a blast even though it took 5 hours. I have a whole new look. Was looking forward to coming home and my AH was looking forward to seeing me, unfortunately It was more a matter of wishful thinking. I was looking forward to coming home, but now that I am here, I want to leave. It isn't really one particular thing really, just his vibe. I hate his vibe.
He continues to make promises to quit. He can't even fulfill his promise to bathe! His energy is...off putting. He keep saying that we both need to make an effort. It just pisses me off. I am tired of making an effort! If he is drinking I do NOT want to be around him! What part of that is hard to understand. Half the time, when he didn't drink I didn't really want to be around him.
Glad you had a blast today taking care of you and getting a whole new look. Part of the Serenity Prayer acted out - changing what you can. Thanks for the update, Susie.
I kind of understand in terms of I really just stopped liking my STBAX. Part of my resentment was if he cared at all wouldn't he just make an effort to do SOMETHING? Because mine was interested in someone else his appearance wasn't an issue if anything it became an issue because of the amount of money he invested into himself. GNC powders and so on .. that wasn't even what I wanted .. I wanted him to communicate with me .. I wanted him to give me things he couldn't and even with the new person it eventually waned or they would still be together.
It's easy to put it off on the other person meaning .. him saying yes, it's both of us because then he can project what is your part and what he doesn't have to take responsibility for .. all I can do in those situations is accept responsibility for my part and nothing more .. A's are great deflectors .. if you try and deal with any past issues .. oh that's in the past .. LOL .. for who? Him? I haven't had the opportunity to deal with it and process things. It creates a wall that very honestly became to much of a struggle to even attempt to get past.
The best thing I can do is keep the focus on me and keep saying the serenity prayer and realize what I am powerless over .. I had a good reminder today that I just need to be in step 1 ALL day .. forget about the rest of the steps because step 1 is right where I need to be in this situation. I am right where I need to be :) I really try and remember that part of the program .. progress not perfection and I will get out what I put in.
Hugs S :)
-- Edited by SerenityRUS on Wednesday 28th of May 2014 06:32:15 PM
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
What is it you love about him? Is he lovable? How do you know you still love him? I would be looking at my definition of love. Love is such a funny word to me, I threw it around when I meant addicted to, codepedant with, enabler of. Love is a word that triggers me because it played a huge part in my denial.x
understand what you are talking about. Its about not letting other people's negative feelings influence you.
Us being the partners of people whose moods and brains are altered can sense it right away when we have had a great experience and then enter
a room of another having an altered or negative vibe. We are thrown.
We always forget what we are dealing with, but we have to remember what is, not what we want it to be and not to be swayed by their mood, but to keep our
positiveness and to try and detach from what's going on with them.
as you know misery loves company, if you keep practicing the detachment, they will get the message , that they cannot manipulate you.
Its's not about love or any of those things, but Keeping our higher life condition and not being influenced by a negative force.
